Chapter 31

Laying naked in my bed wearing nothing but a smile on my face, the movie played in my mind. The reel was rolling.

A splash of Nigel, on top of me, kissing me so passionately, as our hands entwined together, squeezed together till our veins bulged out.

Blink.

I was on top of him, and I was making sweet passionate love to him, without one single thread, without one single guilt, without one single regret.

Blink.

His sweaty body rubbed against mine hard yet tender. His eyes were closed but his face told so many stories of happiness, pleasure...bliss. Ah.

He groaned as he opened his eyes and reached for my lips. His hand cupped my breast, and I lost it. Oh God.

Blink.

Tangled in between sheets, our love collided as our body couldn't seem to part from one another. Writhing in clarified orgasmic euphoria, this is worth every sin a woman can carry for the world. This is worth all the seven hells and back. This is worth being called a whore for the rest of my life.

Blink.

I opened my eyes and smiled. I reached to my side to find Nigel but the bed beside me was empty. I rubbed my eyes, trying to see clearly. My head was pounding. Oh, that champagne got to me so badly. For a quick moment, I felt an utter panic I couldn't contain. What happened? Did I sleep with him? Did I really sleep with him? Oh my dear God.

I stood up quick on the bed. Looking at myself, I was in my underwear. The dress was off, thrown on the chaise by the window. Everything else was still intact. I wasn't naked. I wasn't sweaty. But I surely was wet.

Damn... that was such a good dream. I felt goose bumps formed on my forearms. I rubbed myself as fast as I could to get warm. The sensation and the feeling I felt after realizing how great that dream was drove me mad. It felt so real. It felt like it happened. I could picture every moment of my dream vividly of how he made love to me. I could see his facial expression when he came inside me ever so clearly. I could still feel his strong hands manhandling me. Ah..was it just a dream?

I spent the next hour in disbelief of what just happened to me. What happened? Nothing happened. It wasn't real. It was just a dream. However, for the life of me, I couldn't get a hold of myself. I couldn't control this urge to be with him and to tell the world to hell with everything. I wanted it. I wanted him more than anything. I really didn't care anymore. I just wanted him so much. You only live once I told myself. You only live once.

Then, live.

I tried to recall what happened last night. We had a wonderful time at the gala. I still remember all those fine people of Singapore dressed so grandly. All the flowing Louis Roederer Champagne.... Those flutes poured those bubbly so smoothly down my throat with no halts. The salty caviar with lemon gelée was a nice touch. I could remember savoring that hors d'oeuvres just a little bit too much. I also enjoyed playing "the woman" next to Nigel Gallagher a bit too much. It felt wonderful. It felt right. It was all I ever wanted.

I kept saying that. It was all I ever wanted. What did I ever want? To tell you the truth, what I really wanted for the life of me was a family. I wanted a successful man who loves me. I wanted a man who cares so much about me he wants a family with me. All I wanted was to raise a couple of healthy babies and grow old together happily ever after. I wanted what Emma has. I wanted that happy easy life where I don't always have to fend for myself so I could have a roof over my head. I wanted to be at home and cook all day and wait for the husband and kids to get home.

I have been trying to convince myself all this time that I am a modern woman who works for a living and loving it, who strives for a career like it is the most important thing, who is successful and independent. I am a modern woman who doesn't need any man to make me happy. I am a modern woman who feels just fine being by herself as she completes herself.

Truth is, the more I grew older, the more boring I became. I am not that modern woman every housewife envies. No. I am a successful woman who just got a huge promotion to be an Executive Editor of an International magazine. Yet, when I was at that gala with all those grandeur people, I realized how boring I was. I made conversations when I had to. If not, I was fine to stay silent as frankly I could give a rat's ass about any of those people. I didn't have much interesting things to say or used any of my corporate training of how to win friends and influence  people. Nope,  I didn't care to use any of the techniques in making empty conversations and making a connection. I didn't feel like I belong in that happening lifestyle or in that partying type of setting. I thrive more in a dinner gathering with friends. I can stomach a little slow dancing. In fact, I did my fair share of it last night. But, moving your body around in contortion and be the spectacle of watching eyes, and making random babbles about shit you won't care to repeat while you tried to scream passed the loud music weren't really my thing. The only thing that made me happy there was the champagne that was truly wonderful, and Nigel.

Though I must admit I do feel the pressure at times of those staring eyes who judged you as not cool enough. At times, life never graduates high school. You're constantly judged to perform at a certain level of magnificence.

At the end of the day, I am an old soul at heart. I am a homebody. I am not the hip and cool girl I used to be when I was younger. I had adapted to that boring, mundane lifestyle an old married couple would have. I am not even married. Yet, I adapted to it because dammit I am ready for it. I have been ready for it for a long long time.

Yet, here I am in my late thirties, being pushed to have to act like twenty something so that I can impress someone who might be a suitor while all the while, he was right there next to me. Except, he's off limit as he's already had his boring happy life with a woman at home.

I am ready for a boring life. That was all I ever wanted. However, I aptly convinced myself that this big promotion, this big success, the extra income I will spend on pampering and eating out at nice restaurants are all I ever wished for. Frankly, it wasn't because of want. Frankly, I learned to love what I have because it is all I have.

It is all I have.

But then, I do have this man who loves me. Last night in the Singaporean prom, I was happy like a senior having been able to snatch the "guy" to be my date. I knew I was beaming last night, the whole time. I was so proud to be by his side. Now, I do have this man I truly love. This is all I ever wanted. I could have a chance to have my boring happy life. For real.

You only live once.

I knew that but it never resonates with me. You only live once so live it right, correct? What is it? Living by the rules, or live it as how to make you the happiest? What will make me the happiest is to be called a whore but I can be with Nigel and feel his love inside me every night. What will make it right is to denounce him one more time and deny the one thing I truly want. So, which one?

I heard someone was opening my door. I scooted up a bit anticipating Nigel. He had my room key.

"Hey..." he said. "I didn't think you're up." He said. He was dressed ready to go.
"I just woke up." I said. "I didn't want to wake up." I said and smiled. He smiled and came to bed next to me. "I wouldn't want to be up either." he said. "It's 4:30 am."
"Ah..." I said as I yawned... "Not because of that." I said. "I had the most wonderful dream." I said and smiled. "I didn't want to wake up from it."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yes. So wonderful."
"Were you in your wedding gown and I was at the altar waiting for you and we were 15 years younger?" He asked.
"Nigel...if I dreamed about getting married, it means I'm gonna die!"
"Oh!" he said. "Who said??" He said. "That's some crazy superstitious."
"Ask my mom." I said and laughed.
"I can't wait to meet this mom of yours." He said and smiled. "She sounds so complex."
"That,  you can say." I said giggling thinking about my dear mom the complex housewife.
"She has to be a wonderful woman having raised a daughter like you." Nigel looked at me with such a sincere admiration that I couldn't help but to lean down and kissed his lips.
"I love you." I said. "I dreamed about you and I making love." I said. "So hot, so fucking wonderful, that I wished I would never wake up." I saw him swallowed.
"Wow.." he said as he grinned. "Lucky you." he said. I nodded.
"It felt so real, baby." I said as I looked down. He slipped his hand and grabbed my waist and he pulled me closer to him.
"Well, I am glad you were able to feel how wonderful it would be if you and I could be together, even if it's in a dream." He said. "I could only imagine." he said, ".....And, I will take some valium tonight with a big glass of Scotch during my flight so I will get the same dream." He said. I laughed and he followed me with a happy cheeky grin. "If that's the only way I could feel it, then I sure hope I get the same dream."
"Nigel.." I said..as I grabbed him by the collar. "Let's do it." I said.
I started kissing him. I really really wanted it. I really really really didn't care about anything else. I really wanted him more than the world, more than anything. He took me in his embrace with open arms, as I started unbuttoning his pants, and he was about to take off my bra.
"I love you." He said.
"I love you.." I sighed in between kisses.. "I really really love you."
All of a sudden he stopped... "Don't tease me. You're really good at this teasing business." He said. "Don't.."
"Nigel?" I looked at him confused. "I'm not teasing you. I really do love you."
"I know." He said... as he kissed my forehead. "I know." he said. "Just don't tease me about making love. I can't bear it." He said.
"I'm not." I said... "I don't care anymore. We only live once. I waited for years to be happy. I want to be happy. I want to love you. I want to be with you."
Nigel looked at me incredulously. "What happened?" He asked. "What happened to pulling an Anne Boleyn on me?"
I looked at him as my tears pooled in my eyes. The headache from the champagne reverberated quite violently right at that moment. "Don't make me change my mind." I said as I tried to kiss him again. Yet, he stopped me. I started massaging my temple, trying to find some relief from the pain in my head.
"Sabby.... what happened? Why changed now? Because of a dream?"
"You don't understand. It's not just a dream." I said. "I had never felt happier as I was in that dream." I said as I looked at him, and a single tear fell on my cheek. Nigel kissed my cheek as his thumb erased that tear.
"I tried and tried so hard my whole life to be a good person and I always ended up in misery while all the bad people who hurt me enjoyed the life that I wanted. What was supposed to be my life. Mine." I said. "I  tried so hard to be a good person throughout this trial with you." I said. "To do right by God and by your wife while the whole time I do myself wrong. I do you wrong." I said. "I want to be with you at whatever cost." I said.
Nigel smiled.. and oh he looked so handsome with that smile. "Are you serious?" He asked.
I smiled.. "You look so handsome with that smile, Nigel."
He kissed the top of my hand... "I just couldn't believe what I'm hearing." He said. "How a dream changed everything. Even your core of being.... Can it be?" He asked.
I sighed.. "I probably would regret it after it's done." I said and laughed.
"Then, I don't want it." He said. "Not if you would regret it. But I know you won't."
"Ah..confident, aren't we?"
He kissed my hand once more..."I know you won't." He said.
"Then, make love to me." I said.
"You have to be sure, Sabby." He said. "I don't want you to resent me for anything, especially not for sex."
"I don't care about sex. I want to be with you."
"It will require my penis going into your vagina, it is called sex." He said. "I love you and I want it too, making love to you.. making sex with you, but...I love you enough not to have it because I know what's deep down in your heart."
"Ah...you're impossible." I said. He laughed out loud.
"Are you just trying to get back at me??" I asked as I hit him with a pillow. "Is this pay back??" I asked. "I swear to God, Nigel! I'm dead serious about this. I can't fuckin' believe this."
He silenced me with a kiss as he pinned me down under him. He took my breath away, and as he held my hair by his hand, he looked at me...
"Be sure, baby." He said. "No regret." He said. "I want you to think about it." He said. "We waited all this time.., we need to wait until you are 100 point 0 0 percent sure."
"I am." I said. He shook his head. "You stated you might regret it afterward. Not acceptable."
"So what?"
"I won't have it." He said as he shook his head back and forth. He looked up at me quickly soon after and said.. "Hey... I really came here to kiss you good bye." He said. "I'm late for my flight.." He said.
"You can't be late for a flight even if you could have sex?" I asked. "Get lucky with me?"
"Oh..I would miss a thousand flights for it." he said. "But, I'll wait until you have absolutely no doubt." He said. "Sabby..as I said... I really came here to kiss you good bye and to tell you that when I get to New York, I will tell Marcy that I will care for her until forever but I will ask for a divorce."
"What..?" I asked doubting my hearing.
"You heard me." He said. "See...I'm sure on that. I am not doing it just because I'm madly in love with you. I am doing it because it is about time I'm getting on with my life even if you don't want to be with me." He said. "But I want you to know that's the first thing I will do when I get home."
"Yeah?" I asked in disbelief.
He smiled as he squeezed my hand. "Yeah."

I went to his embrace and I hugged him. We hugged each other tight and we drowned ourselves in each other's curves. We hugged for the longest time. He caressed my hair and it was the first time that I started to feel things are finally right. I felt less dirty. I felt less guilty. The dream started to become reality. It felt even better than the dream.

When we let go of each other, Nigel said to me... "You think about me when I'm not around, and get sure because I really want to be with you." I smiled and nodded.
"When we see each other again in a couple of weeks...things will be so much different. Count on it." He said. He whispered in my ear.."count on it."

Nigel was flying north and I was still in the south east of the world. In two weeks, I will be flying home north too to heaven to be with the man I truly love. Time to put aside doubts and guilt. Time to get sure like sun rises in the east. As sure as Kanye and Kim naming their kid North West, and no, no more south like people don't know where the South pole is whether it is hot or cold. Well, it is Antarctica so it is naturally cold. But, if you don't believe me, so be it. Doubt yourself. But no more doubt for me.

Chapter 30

I kept on looking at my reflection in the mirror... all done up, in my new Channel dress. I twirled, and I twirled. I tilted my head to the side not recognizing the reflection. I even gawked at the mirror to take a look closer. Who was that person in the mirror?

It wasn't that I didn't like what I saw. It wasn't that I was ashamed of what I had done. None of that. I just felt like I didn't recognize my own life anymore. Nothing seemed familiar anymore. I don't wear gown, or mascara. I don't wear a diamond Tiffany necklace, let alone for it to be a gift from a man who supposedly loves me. None of these that transpired today was of my doing. What happened? A new magazine, a promotion to Executive Editor, South East Asia, a gala. All those happened today. When you thought your world was already turning out of control, and now you added asteroids, global warming, tectonic slide, and maybe some acid rain on top of it.

Would it be the end, or would I survive this? I just couldn't wrap my head around it. Maybe, I would find a black hole that would suck me in to nothingness. Maybe. But, right at this moment.. I was standing in my room in a Channel dress.

I wanted to tell you all about the gala tonight. Yet, it was just another party filled with mature adults,  dressing up like it was their prom night. However, I was right smack in the middle of it all and blending right in. After all, with my complexion, dark hair, and my half Indonesian blood running through my veins, I should feel just right at home here in the neighboring Singapore. But it was suffocating. All of these should have felt exhilarating. After all, these were all good things that happened. But my head was spinning.

I haven't told any of my friends or my parents about any of these. It was the strangest thing as these were too big to be kept for myself. First person that came to mind was Vic. But then, I forgot a big detail that she just stabbed me in the back. In fact, I still have a gaping hole on my back. Even this Channel dress couldn't cover it up.  Though, I doubt she would be happy for me even if she knew. This would mean that I actually got something better than what she got. It wasn't my place to be on top in Victoria's world. It just wasn't. But even this tide is turning.

Everything was just so confusing. The compass was totally out of whacked. The world as I used to know it was no longer there. Yet, right now there's only one thing in my world that matters.. Nigel.

Despite the thunderstorm that was going on inside me; I managed to realize that I wanted to look my best in front of Nigel tonight. I curled my short hair though I knew the humidity would just kill all the efforts I put into making the hair looked somewhat dressy. I still did it. I sprayed it with tons of hairspray that I just picked up at the hotel spa. I went all out too on my make-up. Like I said, I even put on mascara. Again,  there was a small part in me that wished Vic was here helping me with all of these gala preparations. I tried to erase that thought so quick. I don't know how long it would take for me to realize that Victoria is not a friend. Not anymore. Sad thing was, though the stab wound was still there; but, half of me I knew have forgotten about it already. This is the reason why I am weak. Because I accept. Because I forgive and forget. That is why I keep bad people in my life. Forgiveness at times is not such a good virtue. Forgiveness at times is downright idiotic.

At the end, I managed to look how I wanted to look without the helping hands of Victoria Perkins. I twirled one more time. This time, admiring what I saw in the mirror. I cleaned up well. Still in the track of Pretty Woman, I thought, or should I say.. hoped, Nigel would give that look Richard Gere gave Julia Roberts when she graced the hotel bar to meet him. Not even close! Nigel and Eric were both sitting at the bar waiting for me. However, when I found them there, I was the one that was completely awestruck of how handsome they both looked. When I saw Nigel, my heart started to pound so hard and inside I screamed.."holy shit..can he look any better?! holy shit.. can I have him tonight?!" I totally forgot about checking on their reaction on me. I missed it royally. All those hard work curling my hair and putting on eyeliners, and I didn't even give it a second to gather any type of reaction after making a grand entrance. I was such a dumb ass.

Then, I shifted my attention to Eric, as you couldn't miss him even if you tried. He was standing there next to Nigel, and he looked as dapper as Cary Grant in his hey day. His hair was slicked back. He was freshly shaven and I got a soft whiff of his cologne as I came closer. He stood there straight with a perfect posture, as he held an old fashioned glass filled with bourbon on ice. Both men were wearing impeccable looking tuxedo, but I swore.. there was a moment when I laid my eyes on Eric that I felt spellbound...

"Eric?" I said with awe without realizing it. I didn't even greeted Nigel. Good thing Nigel didn't really pay any attention to it. I quickly shook off that absurdity I just experienced.

Yet, Eric smiled as he graced me with a look that was almost adoring..  "Look at you." He said. "You did well shopping with her." Eric turned to Nigel. Nigel cracked a smile that just disintegrated every strength I had to stand there on these high heels. My knees were ready to buckle as soon as I saw his smile.

Nigel! Oh my God.. Nigel. I shifted my attention to this man I love so much. I couldn't believe that for a split second, I paid more attention to the shithead Eric Phillips. I looked Nigel in the eyes as I tried to gain any type of composure.

"Do I look like a million bucks?" I asked silly.
"More like five.." Nigel said as he gave his arm to me to hold.
"Is that how much it costs?"
 Eric nodded.. "and some."

The Singaporean Prom, as I called the gala, was a great gathering of the who's who in Singapore. The who's who that I didn't know. Everyone was practically a stranger and the night was spent for the most part for meet and greet. I met some important people who work for Singapore City Magazine, or should I say...Joie Asia Pacific. These fine people would be my staff. Not every time you got to inherit a staff, and your first impression of them were they in tuxedo and gowns. It was quite an experience that actually made me chuckled. It was taking a regular business suit for an interview to the next level.

"This is some kind of a job interview." I said as I was letting a big laugh.
"Job interview?"Nigel asked.
"Well... Mr. Simon Chen and Miss Landry Hu... " I said.. "My soon to be new editorial staff, though I guess this is not a job interview, but this is essentially my first time meeting them." I said.. "And they're in tuxedo and strapless gown with a slit up to here!" as I gestured to show how high her slit was on that dress. Nigel laughed.
"I suppose it was a little unorthodox." he said.
"A little?" I asked and laughed. "Doesn't matter. It is not like it is a job interview. They're already hired no matter what. I just inherit them."
"You do what you like, Sabrina." Nigel said with an assuring look, almost like he stared me down. "If I failed to mention..Joie Asia Pacific is yours to do whatever your little heart desires." He said.
"Whatever?"
"Whatever." He said. "As long as you make us some money in return."
"Ah huh.." I said.
"Just one little caveat." He laughed.
"I'm not worried about your little caveat." I said. "As long as I won't be audited for every single move I make." I said. "You know you can't save money to make profit."
"I am 100 percent agree with you. You were not really audited to begin with, Sabby." He said. "are we still mulling over this fictitious audit?"
"A fictitious audit that you said you had no part of!" I said as I pointed a finger to his chest and poked him. He held my hand and said..
"It was a white lie." He said and smiled. "It was worth telling."
"You put me through hell because of your white lie!"
"Nothing you couldn't handle." He said. He let go of my hand as he said.. "Be careful.. we are amongst staff in the audience."
"Huh..." I said as pulled away my hand from him. "Some of these people thought I was your wife already." I said and laughed. Nigel smiled..
"I know." He said. "The Malaysian Diplomat over there, Dato Akmal Hamizan, told me I have a beautiful wife." The sound of somebody telling Nigel that I was his beautiful wife made me smile. However, that smile quickly transformed into a bitter expression of tugged lips - no longer a smile.
"Hey.." Nigel called me softly.. I looked up to meet his eyes. "Just be my wife for tonight. Let it be." He said. "Another fiction?" I asked as I gazed at him with a look that showed total hopelessness.
"Yes.." he said, almost whispering."Worth telling." I smiled softly. He squeezed another bigger smile out of me. He was really good about making me accept a grim reality and made it to be somewhat acceptable.

To tell you the truth, though I know it was not real; it did feel wonderful that there were people who thought I was with Nigel and that they thought I was his wife. It made it even harder now that I knew it felt that wonderful if it were the truth. It made it so bittersweet realizing that God gave me a chance to have a little taste of it; yet, he took the plate away.

The rest of the night was filled with more meet and greet, more empty conversations of pleasantries, and some quite exciting banters with two local chefs. I always feel at home when talking about food. This reminded me that my world will not only revolve around foods anymore. I will have several new worlds to explore and to be expert of. As Nigel pointed out, I need to make him some money.

Just one little caveat.

I danced the night away with a couple of very important men that I did not recall the names. I got their business cards that would come handy someday. I supposed I couldn't start any later. I needed to reap all the opportunities, contacts, allies, anything I could get my hands on as early as possible. The ambitious part of me was ready to give this new job everything I had. I went to work almost right away even when I didn't realize it. There was no turning back and failing was not an option. I really did everything to make tonight count for something big.

Nigel finally rescued me from my first day of work and cut in the CEO of Bank Argo. I couldn't be happier when I saw that Nigel was the one that cut in for my next dance. The band played Frank Sinatra's song, "All the Way." How inappropriate.

"When somebody loves you..it's no good unless he loves you...all the way." I was singing along as I looked him in the eyes.
"I love you all the way." He said. I shook my head and smiled.
"No.." I said.. "Happy to be near you when you need someone to cheer you..all the way.."
He chuckled a little watching me mocking him by singing the lyrics of the song.
"Believe it, baby." He said. "I am happy to be near you and you certainly cheer me with your fine crooning."
"This is your song for Marcy." I said. "Not for me." I said. "How about those good or lean year and all of those in between years?" I asked. Nigel shook his head like he meant to tell me to stop it right there and not go over the argument I was about to make. Instead, he grabbed my arm and pulled it closer to him as we were dancing cheek to cheek.  He whispered in my ear..
"If you let me love you, it's for sure I'm gonna love you all the way, my love." He said. "Just let me love you." He said. "Please let me." He said. I laid my head on his shoulder, and I tried my hardest at the moment to let him love me and forgot about reality. I tried to stop pushing things that couldn't happen as it wouldn't happen anyway even if I kept bringing it up. At that moment, I really tried to surrender. I really tried to surrender to the unknown and savor the moment as it was bestowed to me.

From where I was, I caught a glimpse of two familiar eyes watching me and Nigel. I turned towards that glance, and found Eric standing by a high boy, with several beautiful girls around him who were trying to get his attention. Yet, his eyes were fixated at me, who were inside Nigel's embrace. I saw bewilderment in his eyes. His head was off to one side. His jawline was taut as if he was clenching his teeth. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but Eric looked perplexed.

Then, it dawned on me that as I was surrendering to this moment; I totally dismissed the notion that not the whole world was with me. Not those who knew my reality. Not Eric.

I quickly asked Nigel to join Eric. However, when we made it to the vicinity of where he was before a second ago; he was no longer there.

The party went on without Eric. Nigel and I forgot about what happened to Eric after a couple more glasses of champagne. There were just enough room for two people in this universe at that moment. There was no equator dissecting the globe horizontally for West and East. There was just the Meridian that was still showing the longitude of North and South. This line would never go away from my universe I had a hunch. Even by the end of the night when the clock struck midnight, I still had no clue how it would end up. North or South. Well, no pumpkin anyway. They don't grow in the tropic quite readily. Thank goodness.

Chapter 29

With the safety chain on, I cracked the door open. I peeped through the opening, and I saw that Nigel did leave something on the floor. My heart sank when I saw the blue box with white ribbon. Could it be...?

I quickly grabbed it, and I closed the door. I sat on the floor as I leaned on the door. I stared at the box for awhile. I was totally in disbelief that this whole time I was suspecting Nigel bought another girl a diamond necklace, and it could have been for me all along. In a haste, I pulled the ribbon off the box, and tore it open. Sure enough... it was a platinum necklace with 4 marquis cut diamonds as a pendant. It was so beautiful. My jaw dropped and I felt like such a fool.

What moron I have been. It has never crossed my mind even once that Nigel was buying a Tiffany diamond necklace for me. I felt so horrible but at the same time ecstatic. I have never received such an extravagant gift like this, not from any man and especially not from my boss.

I called his room right away and he answered.

"I take it you got my gift?" He said.
"Come back here." I said.
"I'm actually getting really sleepy."
"Oh.."
"You had your chance." He said and laughed.
"I suppose I did." I said. "Listen, I'm sorry." I told him, softly.
"I didn't hear you. What did you say?" Nigel was being facetious.
"I said I'm sorry!!" I said out loud.
"Oh, that's what I thought you said. I just want to make sure I heard you right."
"I deserve that."
"Will you start trusting me now?" He asked. "It's completely unacceptable that you had been really cruel to me because of office gossips."
"I wasn't trying to be cruel." I said. "I wish you knew how it made me feel."
"I know." Nigel said. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."
"I dragged you down with me." I said.
"I came from New York that day before you were leaving town so I could see you and give you the necklace. But, you were utterly impossible."
"I thought you were a two timing lying bastard."
"You did tell me, however, that.. I had to find somebody else who would accept my situation since you wouldn't."
"I didn't mean it. None of it."
"Oh, is that so, Sabrina?"Nigel chuckled.
"Even if I did, it wouldn't be easy for me to accept that you're actually doing so with someone else."
"Well, I wasn't."
"Well, I didn't know."
"Well, you need to hear me out next time. Please...don't do this to me ever again." Nigel said.
"I'm really sorry." I said. "I truly am. But it didn't change anything between us, Nigel."
"I know. Just stop pushing me away and treating me like I'm a monster. I feel bad enough already dealing with our situation the way it is. Though, I know having feelings for you made me a bad man, I'm not a monster, Sabby. I'm actually a decent person."
"I know, sweetie." I said "I struggle with the same dilemma everyday."
"No matter what though, I want you in my life and I don't care in what capacity. I just want you in it." I couldn't help but to smile to hear what he had to say. I was so taken by his words that I forgot I was on the phone with him.
"Okay, Sabrina?"
"Okay." I said. "Why don't you go to bed if you're sleepy."
"Mh..okay.." He said and yawned. "By the way, did you like the necklace?"
"I love it...but I can't accept it." I said. "It's way too pricy and sure it's against company's ethical policy."
"I'll take care of it tomorrow." he said.
"How?"
"You'll see." He said. "Mh, how disappointing that I didn't get a chance to see your reaction when you opened it."
"I know." I said. "It wasn't pretty." I said and laughed. "Normally, I would do the oohs and aahs like any girl would do getting a blue box. But this time it was more like... 'aw shit! What did I do'."
Nigel laughed out loud... "Served you right. But that would have been priceless to see."
"Hahaha.." I laughed. "Yeh, I'd say."
"Please wear it tomorrow." He said, followed by another yawn. "Good night."
"Good Night." I said. 

I never thought I would sleep with a smile on my face tonight. I didn't sleep very well however because of the amount of alcohol I consumed and the excitement of what happened tonight, or should I say morning. My mind was way too wired to have a recuperating sleep. Even though I was asleep, my mind was up and I dreamed about the most obscure thing. I dreamed about Victoria having an affair with Jax; however, in my dream Jax was Emma's John. Then Emma was screaming at Victoria; however, in my dream, Victoria was me. When I woke up, I had cold sweat and my head felt like it was going to explode.

It seemed God was trying to tell me that I didn't have the place to be high and mighty to Victoria when I'm doing something a little worse than her. It's up to people's judgment I guess which was worse - sleeping with your best friend's ex, or being in love with someone's husband. Yet, it wasn't a competition and both of us are crummy women for doing these awful things.

I couldn't help to feel awful about it; yet, like Nigel said, I know I am not a horrible person. My parents raised me right and I do have my head screwed on right. This constant dilemma about doing the right thing and fighting the feelings in my heart that felt so natural is eating me alive.

I woke up super late, and I got a text from Eric.

"Nigel asked to leave you alone. We're off to our meeting. Text when you're up and about."

I looked at the clock and it was almost 11 o'clock. I did have an appointment with Flora at 10 A.M. After calling her and apologizing, I went about my day. This time, we had lunch trying the Malay cooking at Kampung Glam. It was so much fun and it felt great in my tummy.

Then, Eric texted me "Get here, stat. Drop whatever you're doing."

Again, I had to apologize to Flora, but she understood and I was pissed because again I had to rearrange my day for Eric. Then, I realized, it was for Nigel too. Then, I didn't feel so bad. Flora took me to the office of Singapore City Magazine in Shenton Way.

When we got to the front of the office building, I saw Nigel and Eric were standing outside talking.

"What are they doing outside?" I said to myself.
"Those are your bosses?" Flora asked.
"Yes, those two gentlemen over there."
"Wow, Sabrina... how could you focus on working?" Flora asked and giggled. "They're so handsome." I turned to see her and smiled.
"It's tough at times." I said.
"Which one you don't like?"
"That one on the right, Eric." I said.
"He's gorgeous!" Flora said.
"Do you want me to introduce you?" I asked.
"Oh...for what?" Flora said and laughed. "I'm married."
"Oh.." I laughed.
"Besides, I can't park here. Are they single?"
"I think Eric is. Nigel is married." I said.
"You and Eric actually make a nice looking couple."
"What? Me and Eric? Uh uh.... That's never gonna happen!" I said and laughed.

Eric saw me and flagged me down. So I said good bye to Flora and joined them. I had strapless sun dress in soft purple, and I had on the necklace. I had to do it after what I had done to Nigel. This was his time for me to kiss his bottoms a little.

"What are you two doing outside?" I asked.
"We're done with the meeting." Eric said.
"So, why did you tell me to come?"
"I said stat over an hour ago. This place is walking distance from the hotel."
"Well, I wasn't at the hotel. I had work to do you know."
"Children.." Nigel said. "Stop." I rolled my eyes and folded my arms as I turned to Nigel. Nigel looked at me with a smile and he was eyeing the necklace on my neck. He then cracked a bigger smile.
"No harm done." Nigel said. "Sabrina didn't know."
"What do you need me for?"
"Nigel wanted you to talk to the editorial staff." Eric said.
"But it's done. We signed the deal."
"It's a done deal?" I asked. "That quick? Eric said you were still on the due diligence phase?"
"We decided to move ahead with it." Nigel said. "It's a good buy."
"Wow." I said.
"Be happy, Sabrina." Nigel said. "Joie will be in Asia Pacific too now." Nigel high-fived Eric who had a big smile on his face.
"I really didn't know what happened to my South East Asian food trip." I said. "I couldn't even get half of the stuff I want to accomplish done." I said.
Eric put his arm around me and I turned to see his hand that was nested on my shoulder thinking what the hell was he doing putting his arm around me. He then said..
"Relax, Sabby. You got plenty done." Nigel wasn't pleased to see me inside Eric's embrace. He pulled my hand towards him, and I walked towards Nigel, leaving Eric behind.
"This will be your baby." Nigel said to me. "You will be in charge of the transition process from Singapore City Magazine to Joie Asia Pacific, then lead the division." My mouth gaped open.
"What?"
Eric smiled... "Yeah, Sabby. Congrats. You will be the Editor in Chief of Joie Asia Pacific."
"Will that require me to live here?" I asked with a lot of reservation and confusion.
Nigel shook his head. "Just a lot of traveling to these exotic part of the world."
I was still in disbelief... "Get out you two. Nigel, is this your doing?'
"It was Eric's idea." Nigel said.
I turned to Eric. Eric laughed and threw his hands in the air... "It was a no brainer move, Sabby. No one else can do the job better than you. It just makes sense."
"After I got totally wasted with the two of you, you want to give me a promotion?"
"Yeah!" they both said it in unison. I laughed as I put my hand in my forehead as I felt the headache coming in again.
"Let's go in... let's introduce Sabrina to the staff." Eric said.
"No..not today. Not looking like this." I said.
"You look fantastic." Nigel said.
"I'm not ready.." I said.
"Well, tonight at the gala."Eric said. "We can introduce her to the managing team."
"What gala?" I asked.
"Black tie event at the Singaporean Tourism and Travel Board." Eric answered.
"When do you guys plan to tell me this? My God!! I don't have anything to wear to a black tie gala! I didn't bring a gown! I didn't even bring heels!" I said.
"I meant to tell you last night.." Eric said as he scratched his brow.
"But, if I recall, we were all... what did you call it, Sabby?" Nigel said.
"Wasted."
"Yes."
I laughed exasperated being volleyed back and forth by these two. All of a sudden, Nigel said...
"Well, Eric... we'll see you tonight. Sabrina and I have some shopping to do."

Nigel whisked me away, and I just followed him. He was right, we had some shopping to do. I turned to see Eric, and he just laughed and waved at us.

"A promotion, really?" I asked Nigel when we comfortably sat in a taxi cab.
"Yes, really."
"Don't you think people will say something if they ever found out about us?"
"What about us? There's nothing going on with us."
"Nothing going on and how come you have your hand on my thigh?" I asked. He looked down to his hand, and he smiled...
"My hand has a mind of its own." Nigel said without removing it. I laughed and I removed it and held it.
"Are you trying to hide me away from every one?" He smiled.
"Yes." He said.
"Nigel!"
"It'll be great, Sabrina. You're way too talented to just handle the food section of Joie. I saw you in action. So did Eric. He had nothing but good things to say about you. This is what the audit was about."
"Are you serious?"
"You haven't figured that one out?"
"No... I am totally dumfounded." I said. I just couldn't believe that the audit was more of a job interview than an actual audit. It all made sense now why they singled me out for an audit. I just never saw it coming. I really didn't. I couldn't believe I didn't figure it out.
"Sweetheart, you really need to start to look at the positive on something. Don't always think of the worst scenario."
I nodded. "Noted." I said. "I've been totally wrong." I said confused.
"You're a fantastic person." Nigel said. "That's why I love you. You protect whom you love and you fight for them."
"I've been on the defensive for quite a long time." I said as I put my head on his shoulder. "I'm so tired..so tired of it." He looked down towards me as he kissed my forehead.
"Good things are happening, baby." He said. "Open you arms wide open and reap them in."

We went shopping at Orchard Road, and we had a ball taking a walk along the road. We stopped at the Takashimaya building where Chanel was located. Nigel dragged me in there after I refused profusely. He finally told me not to make a scene and that we were just going in there to look. We didn't. Found a dress I absolutely loved for about my whole paycheck. It was quite a simple black dress but it was so elegant. Then, I found a Jimmy Choo's heels to go with it. 

"Don't be ridiculous." I said when Nigel was going to pay for my items.
"This is business expense." Nigel said. "Put your credit card away." He said. "Again, don't make a scene."
"You can't be serious." Nigel looked at me and smiled. "You need to learn to enjoy being treated like a queen by a man."
I smiled as I caressed his cheek. "You know, I can get used to this rather quickly."
"I sure hope so." Nigel said.

I stood there, again dumfounded for the umpteenth time this week. I tried to savor that feeling being treated lavishly by a man. It felt unnatural to me. I tried to soak in his masculine energy and tried to get rid of the penis I thought I had. A man like Nigel just wanted the feminine energy from his woman, and though I am not his woman, I knew that was what he wanted. He didn't want a girl with a man complex next to him.

"Do you have one Singaporean dollar?" He asked.
"Yes.." I said and dug through my purse and handed him a dollar.
"Thank you." He said. "Now, we're even."
"Pardon me?" I asked and laughed.
"This is payment for your necklace and everything else."
"Hahaha...Nigel....you sneaky man." He laughed.
"You bought it." He said. "Good deal."
I just started laughing and put my arm around his. "I feel like Vivian in Pretty Woman."
Nigel laughed out loud. "She puts out though." Nigel said.
"She's a hooker." I said.
"Alright, case closed." Nigel said.

This trip to the South East finally picked up. All of a sudden from wanting it to be over soon, it changed to wanting to savor every minute of it. I didn't want him to leave tomorrow.

Chapter 28

I was getting cranky by the day with Eric Phillips. He was supposed to tag along with me on my trip, not the other way around! He has been having his own agenda and I ended up having to adjust my schedule to accommodate what he needed to do because it was as directed by Derek Stearns. He said food couldn't be more important than a multi million dollar acquisition. I understood the reasoning; however, it wasn't my priority. I came here for materials so we could produce a magazine. I didn't come here to buy a magazine.

After bickering with him at breakfast, we decided to part ways and not eat breakfast together. I swear it felt like we were an old married couple. All we did was bickering and getting on each other's nerves. It seemed we had natural skills in making that happen.

I was super happy to get a little break from Eric. He ditched the Jeff Corwin look for a suit and tie. He has been wearing some very pricy safari type shirt with plenty of ventilation. It made me laughed though he looked quite dashing in it nonetheless. However, when he walked in to the hotel's restaurant in a nice tailored tan colored suit, I did swallow a couple gulps of air as a reaction to the sight of him. Perhaps he had to be what people would refer to as "beautimous." I just learned it meant beautiful and fabulous at the same time.

Anyway, enough about Eric. It didn't matter how beautimous he was; he's still more annoying than a zit inside your nose. It's unimaginable how annoying he is. I just couldn't stand the guy.

I went about my day with my local tour guide, a Singaporean girl by the name of Flora. She took me to a traditional kopitiam for a cup of super sweet coffee, since it was mixed with condensed milk. We also had soft boiled eggs, and kaya toast for our day break. Kaya is a type of custard made with eggs, pandan leaf, and coconut milk. They're rich and creamy and delicious on a piece of toast. It was a great breakfast and it was much better than any breakfast I could have had with Eric. I was satisfied and happy.

Flora and I then went hunting for the king of Cat Mountain Durian. Durian is a fruit known for its distinctive pungent smell. It's definitely an acquired taste and it looks very very exotic with sharp thorns on its outer shell. Once you crack it open, you will find compartments where the fruits reside. The flesh is soft, creamy and fibrous, and if you liked it, it tastes delicious. If not, just imagine eating crap.

I happened to like it. I wish Eric would have been with me. It would have been priceless to see his beautiful face gagged. I knew with this one, he wouldn't be so open minded about trying it. It was just too bad he had to buy a magazine.

Then, we went to Dempsey Hill to check out what's available for the westerners. We found a quaint and cool grocery store called "Jones The Grocer," and it felt like home. I was in an orgasmic state when I walked into their cheese cooler. The selection they had was quite nice though being so far away from cheese producing countries. We had a little snack slash lunch there of salumi platter and several types of cheeses. I dipped my cheese in the truffle honey they served on the side, and it was superb. At first, I was skeptical thinking they added truffle oil to the honey; yet, it wasn't the case. It was great. Getting truffle oil drizzled on your food is as annoying as having to dine with Eric Phillips. I can't stand it!

Finally, it was time to re-group and catch up with Eric. It was unfortunate, but what else could I do. He texted me saying to meet him for dinner at Arab Street. Flora dropped me off at Arab Street and I took a walk along the neighborhood and it was pretty fascinating. As I passed one of the outside hookah cafes, I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought I saw Nigel. I quickly glanced away and thinking I was hallucinating. I went on taking pictures, and observed the street and tried to capture the lives the street had. When I looked back at the guy at the hookah cafe, I saw Eric sitting across from him. Now, I started rubbing my eyes. The guy turned towards me, as well as Eric. They both waved and called me in.

Son of a gun, it was Nigel.

Again, I looked like crap. I had been running around Singapore all day, eating Durian, and in this triple digit heat. I looked up to the sky and saw the mosque with its light kept on changing color accentuating twilight. I said out loud in Arabic, "Bismillah" asking God for mercy.

When I got there, I just really gave it up to destiny. Nigel looked so handsome I couldn't believe my eyes he was there. He had on a green Burberry polo shirt with khaki shorts. He actually looked like a hot tourist. Eric had a buttoned down casual shirt with shorts as well. He folded the sleeves up to his elbow. Both men looked incredibly handsome even in their casual get-ups. I had on a wrinkled white dress. My shoulders started to bruise from carrying my camera bag all day. I didn't even have a chance to freshen up.

Yet, Nigel looked super happy to see me. He opened his arms and I really didn't have much choice but to walk right into it. He landed a kiss on my forehead.

"What did you mouth off over there, Sabby?" that was the first thing Nigel said to me. He didn't even say hi.
"Hi Nigel. Surprise to see you here." I said, annoyed. Yet, I breathed in his scent and it felt like home.
"Hi.." He said and smiled.
"I think she said Bismillah.." Eric said and laughed. "It means in God's name in Arabic." Eric said as he read it off his phone.
"I just needed God's help." I said. "First word that came to mind when I saw the mosque and you." I said, referring to Nigel. "I meant no disrespect." I said.
Both Nigel and Eric  tried to pull a chair for me; however, Nigel won and Eric let Nigel helped me to sit down. What gentlemen these two.
Nigel flagged down the waitress and Eric handed me the pipe.
"No thanks." I said.
"Oh...come on...one drag." Eric said.
"I don't smoke."
"It's water pipe.." Nigel said.
I rolled my eyes and took a drag. It actually was nice.
"Not bad, right?" Eric said and smiled.
"It's alright." I said. I turned to Nigel... "What are you doing here, Mr. Gallagher?" my eyes were so accusatory towards him.
"The acquisition." Eric said. "What else."
"I'm only here for three days. I'll return to Chicago when you two are heading to Cambodia."
"That's a short trip." I said. "That'll kill you."
"I know. It'll be brutal." Nigel said. "But this needs to be done."
"I don't know what you two are up to with his acquisition." I said. "I don't want to know."
"It's a good thing, Sabrina." Eric said. "We're expanding. Business is good." I nodded. "Yeah, for sure." I said.
Nigel kept on looking at me, and I could see sadness in his eyes. At times however, his eyes flickered also with a tinge of excitement. I sure love that man no matter how hard I tried not to, no matter how hard I tried to hate him. I couldn't even fake the feeling I felt to see him here half way around the world. He's like an oasis in the midst of angst I had been feeling day in and day out with Eric. I wish I could get rid of Eric so I could talk to Nigel in private. Yet, I knew it wouldn't happen.

We ended up eating dinner in a nearby restaurant and continued on drinking. I didn't know what to do with these two and I just really had to drink until I really passed my limit. I knew I got super drunk. I didn't even know what I was saying or doing. It was a total blur. Last thing I remember was pounding on the table after I slammed the shot glass on it and screaming 'it isn't fair.'

The only retribution was Nigel and Eric were pretty wasted too. It would be super funny if we ended up in a threesome together. No, that wouldn't be funny at all. Sure enough, when I woke up, I wasn't in my room. We were in a nice suite overlooking the beautiful Singapore skyline. I saw Eric totally passed out face down on one of the sofas. I crawled a little bit from the chaise where I had laid down, and I looked around for Nigel. This must have been his suite. He had to be on the bed. As I walked incoherently trying to find Nigel or my way out, I found him sitting on the desk, working on his laptop.

I walked towards him, and I brushed his shoulder with my body by accident.

"Hey.." I said. He turned to see me, and he put his arm around my waist trying to steady me.
"Heeey..." he said. "What are you doing up?" He asked.
"I should ask you the same thing." I said.
"Jet lag." He said. "I was out for a bit too, believe me." He said. "But now, I'm up. Not even sleepy or tired."
"Was I that drunk?"
"Oh..yeah." Nigel said and laughed.
"Great." I said. "Getting lit with my two bosses."
Nigel chuckled a little. "What happened on the road.."
"Stay on the road." I said and laughed as I nodded agreeing to it. "Surprised that you didn't take advantage of me."
"What made you think I didn't?" Nigel asked naughtily.
I believed him for a split second and I checked my clothing... I looked disheveled but he didn't do anything to me.
"I can't believe you actually thought I did." Nigel said.
"I'm just checking."
"Yes, Eric and I took turn on you. Except, I boxed his nose when he tried to take his turn. That's why he's out." I hit him hard on his shoulder blade.
"That's nasty." I said to him.
"Well..?" He asked in disbelief. I felt sick and I started rubbing my tummy. I held his hand...and he caressed my hand softly as he put me on his lap.
"Take me back to my room." I said. "I don't think I could make it on my own."
"Just stay here."
"No.." I said. "If I had my better judgment, I wouldn't be here even now."
"Here we go again, Sabrina the prudence."
"Call me what you want." I said. "You must mistaken me for Charlotte Reed."
Nigel shook his head and laughed. "Let's go. I'll take you to your room before Eric hears anything and all these rubbish about Charlotte Reed."
"He's out." I said.
"I thought you were too." Nigel said. "Look at you now - up and giving me a hard time."
"I think I'm going to be sick." I said. I ran to the bathroom, and I just made it in a nick of  time to the toilet. Then, everything came out. Great! I just barfed in Nigel's toilet.

Nigel ran after me, and he stood by the door.
"Are you okay, honey?" He asked.
I couldn't even answer him as the second wave of barf came flowing out of me.
"Uhhhh.." Nigel grunted. Instead of leaving, he knelt next to me, and held my hair.
"Oh my God.." I said... "Oh my God." I said as I slouched down to the floor, mortified.
"Are you okay?" Nigel asked again.
"Kill me... kill me now." I said mortified. Nigel handed my hair to me, and he got up to get me a wet towel. I flushed it all out and I just couldn't believe Nigel saw everything. Nigel handed me the towel.."thank you." I said and wiped my mouth.
"Feeling a little better?" He asked. I nodded.
"Yeah...just mortified." I said. "I couldn't believe I just barfed in front of you and you were holding my hair."
He looked at me with love as he caressed my hair and tucked it behind my ear, and he said..."I've seen worse." he said. "Many many times." He must have been referring to Marcy being sick.
"Still.." I said. "It wasn't exactly how I wanted you to see me."
"I love you, Sabby. A little projectile of vomit wouldn't change my feelings for you." He said as he kissed my forehead. You didn't know the emotions I felt inside of me. It must have felt like the barf swirling down in a cyclone down the pipe.
"It could be worse. I could have vomited on you."
"That would be worse." Nigel said. "In that case, I would have to drag you in the shower with me." I smiled a little imagining how nice would that be. Instead, I just looked down and the next thing I said was..
"Uh, Nigel... please give me a moment to gather myself." I said as I looked up to him.
He nodded and closed the bathroom door.

He took me back to my room, and I turned around to him when I got to my door and opened the door. I was going to say good night. However, Nigel pushed open the door and walked in.

"I didn't say you could come in."
"I paid for your room." He said.
"No, the company will." I said.
"The company that I own." He said. I rolled my eyes.
"You can't be serious." I said.
"Hey, I'll use any excuse I can to make you stop pushing me away."
I threw my hands in the air. "Dude, you're married and have a girlfriend. Leave me alone." I said.
"Dude?" Nigel asked. "I'm a dude, now?"
I sighed..."I'm still drunk and my head is pounding. I don't know what you want from me."
"I tried to call you so many Goddamn times and you didn't even care to answer nor return the calls."
"Well, I would think you would get the hint. Don't tell me you're my boss and I had to return your calls."
"As a matter of fact, I am your boss. What if it's work emergency?"
"Fire me." I said.
"Don't tempt me." He said. I turned around to him huffing.
"Don't piss me off even more, Nigel." I said.
"You wouldn't be pissed off if you would have given me a chance to explain. Did you hear my messages??"
"I deleted them. I had enough hearing men's bullshits."
"Oh dear Jesus, Sabrina." Nigel said. "You're one difficult woman." He said as he came towards me and lunged at me. He grabbed my body in one sweep ever so sexy, and next thing I knew he was kissing me. I pushed his body away, but the next breathe, I couldn't fight it. I didn't want to fight it.
We fell on the couch, and we kissed and kissed. My tears rolled down my cheeks the whole time.

It was always bitter sweet when it came to Nigel. I had been feeling so hurt the past week, and at the same time trying to hate and stop loving this one man I truly love. But he's here, and he was kissing me and loving me and whispering how he missed me.

When our eyes met, and we stopped kissing, I saw those beautiful green eyes were so full of love. They were so beautiful I had to look away.

"I love you." He said. "I missed you, darling like you wouldn't believe."
"Is that why you came?" He nodded.
"Yes. Because you wouldn't return my calls."
"I need to change." I said. "I feel crummy."
I pushed him to side, and got up from the sofa. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I couldn't believe Nigel kissed me after I vomited. If that wasn't love I didn't know what else.
I took off my dress and washed up. My shoulders were sore and I could feel the tension I carried there. I stood there in front of the mirror in my underwear looking at the girl who again just kissed a married man. I hated myself for being so weak. I hated myself for being such a fool to fall in love with a man like Nigel. I really wished things were different but reality was hard and cold.

Nigel came in to the bathroom. I was startled at first and tried to cover up.

"What are you doing? The bathroom is occupied."
"I was wondering if you were okay." Nigel said. "You're taking a very long time." He said but his eyes were fixated on my semi naked body. 
He came towards me and stood behind me. He caressed my bruised shoulders as he played with my bra strap, and he kissed it. His lips felt so warm against my skin. He put his arms around my bare belly, as he caressed it softly.
"You're so beautiful, sweetheart." he said.
"I'm sure not as beautiful as Charlotte Reed." I said. "Please get off of me." I said as I pushed his hands down and off my belly. I turned around, and I saw he had an erection. I couldn't help but laugh.
He said.."that's a great way to kill the mood."
"Well, yeah..." I said. "It's probably a good thing that the mood is killed." I said.
"Charlotte Reed, or should I say, Doctor....Charlotte Reed, is my therapist." He said.
I frowned when I heard that.
"If you would have listened to my messages, you would have known." Nigel said. "I've been going to see her during lunch break for the past three months." Nigel said.
"Don't bullshit me." I said.
"I'm not bullshitting you." Nigel said. "She's a licensed psychologist. She's been helping me cope with the stress of work, a sick wife who doesn't love me, and falling in love with a woman who works for me who wants me and rejects me at the same time. Yes, I've been in therapy."
"Do you always buy your therapist a Tiffany diamond necklace, Nigel?? Do you??" I snapped.
Nigel looked at me funny... "What?" he asked.
"You heard me!" I said.
"Where did you hear these things??" He asked and laughed. "In fact, how did you find out about Charlotte?"
"Your secretary has a big mouth. But who would blame her? That's part of being a secretary."
"Beverly?"
"She has one humongous mouth too, but your New York assistant."
Nigel shook his head back and forth in disbelief. He then said.. "I guess I need to talk to her."
"To keep her mouth shut next time?"
"Yes and no." Nigel said. "I'll be right back. Stay put." He said.

When he left I quickly bolted the door and put "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. If he came back, I couldn't and wouldn't know how to stop things from happening. I haven't really done a good job so far. I needed to digest the fact that Charlotte Reed wasn't Nigel's other girlfriend, but his therapist. However, why would he be buying her a necklace?? To say thanks? I guess I didn't understand the gift etiquette for the ultra rich people. To me, a Tiffany diamond necklace is a gift for a special woman in a man's life.  About ten minutes later, I heard a knock on my door.

"Sabrina...please open."
He kept on banging on the door.
"Nigel...go back to your room." I said. "It's late and I'm sick." I said. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Sabby... please. Stop pushing me away."
I put my cheek on the door as I wiped away tears.
"Good night, Nigel. Try to get some sleep." I said.
"Sabrina.."
I just stayed quiet. Then I heard he said..
"I'm leaving something out here for you. Please go get it after I leave."
"Another trick, Nigel?" I asked.
"No trick, sweetheart." He said. "Good night."

I looked through the peep hole he was walking away. I was contemplating to open the door or not, because he could just barge in again. Boy, what a night. As usual, even if it was 3 A.M in the morning, I had my usual tug of war in my heart. I wished I could have him on my bed, and not have anything to worry about. That feeling when he was on top of me on the couch, kissing me, felt like a dream come true. It felt so nice.

Chapter 27

We spent two days scourging Singapore for foods and pictures. We went to the obvious tourist spots as well as some obscure places where the local eat. Eric for the most part was still mesmerized with the whole food scene and how I was so accustomed to find interesting food to feature on the magazine. One of his favorite things surprisingly was when we went to a street vendor who sells Singaporean fried rice noodle, and then we could add other items to add as side dishes for the noodle such as fried eggs, fried fish cakes in all shapes and forms, stir-fry vegetables, etc. Eric really enjoyed that meal even though it was not his usual breakfast.

Don't get me wrong - I still couldn't stand the guy. I was hoping he would get the traveler's sickness pretty soon. That was mean of me. I was really just kidding. I didn't wish ill on anyone even though I may hate his guts.

We were sitting outside by the street vendor at Hougang Mall in the northeastern side of Singapore enjoying our meals. The sun was shining so bright and it was hot and humid even though it was only 9:00 AM local time.

"I didn't think I would like starchy breakfast like this." Eric said as he shoved a big portion of noodles with his chopsticks into his mouth.
"I'm used to it." I said. "My mom is Indonesian. They eat rice with every meal - breakfast, lunch, dinner." I said. Eric nodded.
"This is so good!" Eric said. "Simple, but good. I love this hot chili sauce...wow." Eric said as he shook his head so fast. "It's so spicy..my mouth and nostrils are burning."
"Take it easy there, cowboy." I said and laughed a little.
"Mh...I love spicy food. This is really hot though..but it's so delicious."
"I love street vendor food like this." I said. "It's what the locals eat. It's pure." I said.
"You do know your food, Sabrina. I give you that."
"Ugh... thus why I'm a food editor, Eric." I said annoyed. "If I didn't know food, I shouldn't be a chef and a food editor."
"I'm not trying to insult you. I was just trying to show you my admiration of you being a subject matter expert. It may be obvious to you, but I don't work closely with you to know how familiar you are with every nooks and crannies of food."
"Well, consider yourself enlightened now." I said. Eric looked at me confused and then he said..
"How do I manage to annoy you with every word I say?"
"I don't know. I guess you're so precise you just hit the bull's eye every time."
"Come on, now. You're being really unfair to me." Eric said. "It's baseless."
"I didn't say anything unfair." I said.
"Just see the upside of what I said. The glass is not always half empty."
"I'll try my best to remember that next time." I said.
"Thank you. That is all I ask. We do have one more week to spend together."
"Don't remind me." I said.
"Oh, and that's not insulting?" Eric asked.
"What??" I didn't realize I said it out loud. "I'm sorry. I'm just....ugh....I'm just eating." I said.
"You're not the only one who can get pissed off." Eric said.
"You're right." I said. "I just have a lot in my mind." I said.
"What's up?" Eric asked. "Care to share?"
"No..." I said.
"Okaaaaay...."
"I don't even know where to start. It's complicated." I said. "But, nothing serious and it has nothing to do with work, so I should just keep it to myself."
"Well, if you need to vent, I'm all ears."
"Yeah, I don't think it would be appropriate. Especially not since you are auditing me. I should just play it safe."
"Uh...Actually...about me coming with you, it has nothing to do with the audit."
"Oh?"
"It's Derek's idea. We're doing a due diligence to acquire a local magazine here as Joie Asia Pacific extension. Derek thinks it'll be easier if I would tag along with you to learn the rope of the local market inconspicuously."
"Wow..good to know." Eric laughed.
"Sorry. Derek did say inconspicuously."
"And you made me believe I'm still being audited this whole trip?"
"Hey, it has only been four days. Besides, you're not exactly nice to me." Eric said. "So, why should I be nice to you?" He said as he chewed on a fish cake.
"That's so not nice." I said as tipped his chopsticks he was using to pin another fish cake so it fell to his plate. He laughed as he jumped back a little avoiding splashes.
"I couldn't believe you!" I said.
"Come on, Sabrina...it doesn't affect anything at all." He said. "You still can't say no. It's still coming all the way up from Derek himself."
"I can still be pissed about it. This is done under false pretenses."
"My God.... don't you have a sense of humor? I don't understand why Nigel talks so highly about you all the time." Eric said. "You're being a bitch."
"Excuse me? Did you just call me a bitch?"
"No. I just said you're acting like one. Quit it. It's not a big deal."
"Well, I'm calling you an asshole. There....Asshole." I said and I stood up and left him there.

I just walked around the shops in that mall complex letting out steams. I didn't know how that guy could just make me so mad all the time. Good thing I found things rather quickly that kept me occupied. There was a wet traditional market behind the mall, and I just had a ball taking pictures. I talked to some of the sellers and wrote a lot of notes. This trip could have been a fiasco but I knew I would still produce a great solid piece out of it. I just really couldn't believe everything. My life has not been boring for the last month. There have been way too many surprises and unexpected events. I could say nothing should surprise me anymore. If I were to see a pig with wings flying above me, I wouldn't go whoaa. That wouldn't be surprising at all. One thing Eric said that I did catch was something about Nigel talking so highly of me. That actually made me smile but sad at the same time. I guess Nigel talked about me. I wonder what he would say about Charlotte Reed.

My God, I really have been trying the past two days to forget everything that happened back home. I still couldn't erase it completely from my mind and heart. It still weighs rather heavily in my chest. I wish I could find some Chinese remedies to alleviate it. There have to be some wild goat knuckles or panda claw concoction that can do just that - heal a broken heart. No?

Then, I passed a shop selling the Singaporean Bak Wah, Bee Cheng Hiang the store called. Bak Wah is similar to jerky; however it is made by ground pork or chicken, thinned down to a jerky like consistency and grilled. It tastes rather sweet as well compared to savory. I bought a pile of the Bak Wah, and I really did forget about the heavy heart. They were so delicious. I sat on a park bench, eating the Bak Wah, and I was totally just daydreaming.

All of a sudden, Eric came approaching me.

"I've looked all over for you." He said. "In this heat." He said as he panted a little and sat next to me.
"I didn't ask you to look for me."
"Well, you have the car key." He said.
I rolled my eyes.
"You can't still be mad, Sabrina."
"Oh yes, I can. Yes, I can." I said.
"But you're not." Eric said. His blue eyes were calm and his strong facial feature actually softened a bit. I looked at him, and I really wanted to hate him, but I knew it was childish. So I shook my head back and forth. "I'm not."
Eric cracked a smile. "I'm sorry. It wasn't meant as a lie. I didn't mean to make you mad, again."
"It's okay. Water under the bridge." I said.
"What's that you're eating?" He asked.
"Singaporean jerky." I said. "Bak Wah." I said as I offered him some. He took one and he started chewing and nodding. "Yumm.." He said. I smiled a little.
"I need to go back to the gym later." He said.
"You do that." I said.
"Mh...this is so good!" he said about the Bak Wah. "Oh, by the way, Victoria called me asking for you." Eric continued. "She said you're not answering her calls."
"That's right." I said. "It's okay...I'm sure she rather talks to you anyway."
"She has been acting differently lately. Very friendly. She kept calling, and asking me to hang out and go out." Eric muttered. He had a puzzled expression on his face.
"Why not? Did you? Can't be bad going out with Victoria." Eric shook his head.
"No... I didn't understand why all of a sudden she acts all friendly with me. More than the usual." Eric said. "I've been so busy with all types of acquisition and tax day is coming up, I just don't have the time."
"But she's Victoria Perkins." I said.
"So what?" Eric asked with a frown.
"She's every man's fantasy." Eric laughed.
"Is she?"
"Some of us thought so." I said. "She's everything a woman wants to be."
Eric laughed. "I don't have ill things to say about your best friend, Sabrina. However, there are more to a man's fantasy than a pretty face and a great body."
I slouched my shoulders. "You had to say it, didn't you?" I said. "What else do you guys want?"
"When I think of my dream woman, I didn't picture Victoria." Eric said.
"Oh...she'll hate you for you saying that." I said.
"It's the truth..." He said. "I picture a sweet natural beauty rather than a beautiful face that's always perfectly done up. I picture a woman with a nice curve that shows she enjoys life, rather than a skinny model-like body knowing that she probably eats cotton."
I started to laugh a little. I guess Eric is not as shallow as I thought.
"I picture a woman who talks about others around her and her passions, rather than talking about herself." Eric continued. I continued to pay attention to what he said. "And lastly, I picture woman who is not afraid. She's just not afraid of anything."
"Hope you will find her, Eric." I said with a smile. "She sounds wonderful."
"She is wonderful, Sabrina. That's the truth and I know where she is." he said.
"Ah...lucky you, then." I said and started chewing another Bak Wah. Of course, he found his dream woman. Why wouldn't he.
"She hates my guts though." Eric said and laughed.
"I guess it's a trend with you. You think I hate you too. Maybe you need to change your way, then maybe you will have a chance with her."
"That's a great advice, Sabby." Eric said and laughed. "I may take you up on that."

Funny that the guy whom I thought as one of the shallowest guys in the world turned out to be decent. Maybe, Eric was just confused because of the heat he wasn't thinking clearly. However, I guess he really wasn't all that into Victoria. He never seemed to gravitate towards her. What are the odds that Victoria is actually falling for Eric. She hasn't been in love with anyone for years and years. Now, when she opened her heart to someone, that person already had somebody else in mind. From the description, Victoria didn't even come close to Eric's dream woman. Eric's dream woman actually sounded more like a realistic person than a dream. I still think Victoria is more dreamy though I do hate her guts right at this moment.

I really didn't know what it would take to repair our friendship. I knew that I would forgive and forget but I just couldn't believe we shared a penis. Ugh, that just made me gagged big time. The only positive thing was I was first and she took my leftover. I still didn't get why she did what she did. I kept on wondering and how people could just succumb to desire and forget about norms, friendships, and morals. I wanted Nigel more than anything. There was nothing I wanted more than to have him inside me as we made hot passionate love all night long. I didn't even know Marcy. She's not my friend. Yet, I still couldn't do it. I couldn't just listen to what my body said about jumping his bone while he was laying on my bed more than willing. I listened to my heart and to my brain. At the end, people do wrong things because they chose to do so. It wasn't because of the devil, desire, temptations, and all those. It was simply because they made the decision to go and take that path. I chose not to.

Victoria knew how devastated I was when Jax broke up with me. I gave Jax my everything and I thought I finally found my soul mate. The days we spent getting to know each other and all the words he told me sounded so right. I didn't think I could find a better guy for me. He might have not been the richest and the most educated; yet, he understood me. He laughed at me and with me. He liked food I made. He always made me feel pretty. I really thought I found the one in Jax Weston. We had an unbelievable sex life too on top of everything else. After we broke up, I cried half the time of losing him and how he broke my heart. The other half, I cried missing the sex I used to have with him and his crooked wiener.

Imagining Victoria enjoying those times made me want to kill someone. It just really wreaked havoc deep inside of me no matter how hard I tried not to think about it. It must be great to be Vic - she had tons of fun sleeping with my hot sexy police officer ex boyfriend, and now she thinks she can just move on and be Mrs. CFO of Joie. I wish I had that confidence and the gall. Victoria looked like a woman, but I think she had two big balls under that tight pencil skirt she wears.

She had the gall to fuck my ex boyfriend. She is going South with me. I always thought of her as North side and how I want to go up North. Not anymore.

Chapter 26

When I plopped my behind on the cushy seat of Singapore Airlines' business class, I felt somewhat excited. Finally we would leave US soil and onward to Singapore directly from Newark Airport in New Jersey. It felt like forever just going from Chicago to Newark. That was just the first and the shortest leg of our trip. The actual long haul hasn't even begun yet. Good thing, both Eric and I wanted window seats. In business class, the scheme was one seat by the window, two in the middle, and another seat by the window on the other side. Bye bye, Eric.

When we were at Newark, I turned on my phone and I saw two missed calls from Nigel. He just didn't seem to get it that I didn't really care to talk anymore. I mean - my heart has been very torn. Some part of me really missed him. However, a big part of me felt duped. I just didn't know what to believe. His voice mail just said for me to call him immediately after hearing the message. Yeah, let me show you who's the boss.

I took a drowsy induced antihistamine, and I was gone in la la land. When I woke up, I smelled breakfast being served and Eric Phillips in my sight. I rubbed my eyes..

"Good morning, sunshine."
"Morning." I said. "Why are you not in your seat?" I asked.
"Just walking around, stretching." He said.
"So, go walk around. Why are you watching me sleeping?" I asked.
"I wasn't." He said. "I didn't mean to." He said. "You just looked so peaceful."
"I needed a little peace." I said as I yawned."I usually hate airplanes."
"You have to travel quite a bit with this job. How could you hate flying?"
"I don't hate flying. I hate being in the airplane."
"Isn't that the same thing?"
"No, it's not." I said. He laughed. "You just hate the environment inside and being cooped up  for 15 hours.."
"...Yep, and the smell, and the food." I said as I adjusted my blanket.
Eric nodded.... "I get it. At least you can sleep."
"I took an antihistamine that knocks me out." I said. "You want some so you can sleep?"
"Maybe on the way back. We're almost there." He said. "Wow, Sabrina...for a second there, I felt like you actually care and don't hate me." I rolled my eyes.
"Don't go that far." I said. "I don't hate you. Why you said that? But I'm not heartless either."
"hahaa.." He laughed out loud. "That's one way to convince me that you didn't hate me."
"What?"
"...I don't hate you but I'm not heartless either.." He said mimicking and making fun of me.
"That's the truth." I said.
"So you like me?"
I stared at him cold and I couldn't answer. So, I said.."You know you need to go back to your seat...the cart needs to pass by here. She's coming... the pretty Singapore flight attendant needs to serve me my breakfast, and yours. Look, she's a cutie. Go harass her instead." Eric looked at me as he frowned.
"Mh.... maybe you are heartless after all." He turned around and left.
At that point, I didn't care anymore what Eric thought of me. I just woke up and groggy. If he wanted a better answer, he should have tried me later.

I jumped for joy inside when we finally landed. It was a long trip already. I started to think about Vic and Nigel again however. All of a sudden, that dead weight I have been feeling came back to my chest. I really wanted to forget and try forgive them in this trip. I really didn't know what I would do about Victoria. I knew eventually I would need to forgive her. Or do I?

Eric looked mesmerized looking at the skyline of Singapore in the cab. He was looking around with a smile on his face like a little boy.
"First time here?" I asked.
He nodded "Yep. I've never gone this far South before in Asia. Only to Hong Kong, Tokyo, and Shanghai."
"Well, congratulations and welcome to Singapore." I said.
He turned to see me, and said... "Thanks, Sabrina. It's going to be an exciting trip."
"Shouldn't be." I said. "This is all worthy of a boring audit."
Eric smiled... "You bet."

We checked in to The Marina Bay Sands Resort and the hotel was beautiful I must say. It was huge and it has so much amenities. Eric got excited immediately about the casino. I couldn't get excited about anything. My heart was racing as usual especially since I checked my phone and I found messages from Nigel. I contemplated for a second to listen to them or not. I knew he would just convince me that there was no one else. I decided to just delete them. There was really no reason for him to convince me otherwise since I couldn't be with him no matter what anyway. This way, it would make it so much easier to forget him.

Now that the trip is underway, I actually couldn't really breathe thinking about everything back home. I was so eager to get away but all I could think of was how shitty things have been and how I wish things were different. I tried to stay up as long as possible so I could get adjusted to the local time. I was getting so tired and I felt like crying thinking about Nigel. I couldn't deny that I love him so much and it hurt real bad to see him around the office. It was too hard to have him around and realizing that the man I actually love may not be the guy I thought I knew. For a split second, I decided to be Victoria. She seems to always have the fun, including with Jax. I put on a bikini and I looked at myself in the mirror. I actually looked quite nice. I decided to try the famous infinity pool that was located way up high on the Marina Bay Sands Building. It was on the fifty fifth floor, overlooking the city. I thought perhaps I might meet some interesting gentlemen by the pool to forget some of my sorrows. It would help wake me up too.

The view was breathtaking to say the least. Dipping my sore body in that pool felt so great as well. It immediately made me think how lucky I was to be able to experience such wonder. I didn't even care anymore about making new friends with some lonely guys here. I wasn't really ready and my heart still belongs to someone else whether I like it or not.  I stopped and stared at the Singapore skyline and just really embraced the scenery. I soaked everything in and I thanked my maker.

"It's beyond my comprehension." I heard Eric talking from behind me. I turned around and sure enough it was him. He was also in the pool, and I could see his unclad upper body that was above the water and it made me take a big gulp of air. I quickly recovered.
"Why...are you following me?" I asked.
"Hey, I was here first." He said. "You just had the same idea as me." He said. "Great minds think alike." He added.
I just exhaled and turned around. He parked himself next to me as we both stared at the beautiful view in front of us.
"Made you feel tiny." I said and I smiled to myself.
Eric smiled as he turned to see me. "Yeah. Made me feel happy." He said. I nodded.
"In fact, that was the first smile I saw on your face for days." Eric said. "You actually know how to smile." I got rid of the smile so quick.
"Oh..come on." He said. "You look so beautiful when you smile."
"Don't hit on me." I said. "It won't work."
"I'm not hitting on you, Sabrina. I'm just making observation."
"Just observe the view, don't observe me please."
"Why do you hate me so much?" Eric said. "Because of the audit? Really?" He asked.
"Stop saying I hate you. I don't hate anyone." I said.
"If you don't hate me then you strongly dislike me."
"What makes you think I dislike you?" I asked him.
"Sabrina, I didn't graduate top of my class at Harvard because I'm stupid."
"Oh... that's probably why." I said. "You just can't help to love yourself."
"I love myself?" Eric asked. "You think I'm narcissistic?"
"I don't think. You are narcissistic. I may not graduate top of my class at Harvard, and I could easily tell." Eric laughed.
"I'm a good guy, Sabby." Eric said all of a sudden, real soft. "Give me a chance."
I turned around to see him. "It doesn't matter what I think." I said.
"I am sorry to mess with your trip." Eric said. "I never thought you'd be this put out. I really didn't think you'd be so pent up with disgust."
"Huh?"
"Sorry." He said again. "I didn't think you would."
"What?" I asked... "Me, feeling blue didn't have anything to do with you." I said. "It wasn't because of you joining me in this trip." I said. I felt a little bad when I heard he blamed himself.
"You don't have to be nice now. You showed it pretty clearly and it's fine. I'm used to it."
"See...and you think you're not a narcissist." I said. "This is not about you. I have problems of my own." I said. "I admit, I wasn't so crazy when I heard you were coming along. But I didn't fold my face in four because of you and I'm sorry if you think that."
"You're apologizing?" He asked surprised.
"Unlike men, I have no problem apologizing if I need to." I said. 
"Mh...you're easier to crack than I thought." He said.
"What????" I asked.
He smiled... "You heard me."
"You know, Eric....It's been a long day. I don't have time for your game." I said, curt. He's one antagonizing man!

I swam away from him and left the pool. I wiped myself with towel, and I glared at him, but I saw him and he looked like he was actually captivated by me. I gave him a second glance, and he realized that I noticed, and he looked away. I didn't care so I just strutted and walked away acting all sexy.

I just couldn't understand Eric. I really didn't know why God complicated my day even further with putting him in the mix. I just simply couldn't stand him no matter how beautiful his form is. Maybe I would consider sleeping with Nigel if he promised to fire Eric Phillips. That would be worth me sacrificing my virtues and values.

I was in South East Asian time. Time moved slower it seemed, yet at the same time we were twelve hours ahead Chicago time. Usually I would just be getting up and getting ready to go to work. However, I closed my eyes on the cushy bed, and I said good bye to the cruel world for one night.

Chapter 25

I hate Mondays. I think you know. This Monday in particular was what people called a "Manic Monday." There were just so much to do and so little time. I have been up since 4:00 AM tossing and turning. I still felt the heaviness in my chest thinking about what had happened. I knew it would  take time to get rid of it. In the mean time, it was eating me inside. It was hard to breathe or to close my eyes without thinking about Nigel, Jax, and Victoria. I also thought about Bobbie and Xandra. There would be a lot of things I would need to accomplish before I could get on that plane later.

I finally decided to get off the bed by 6:30 AM and then I went to the gym downstairs and tried to work out some of my angst. I wanted to go for a run by the lake; but it's pretty cold and dark outside. By 8:00 AM, I was out the door.  I got my luggage packed, hauled it downstairs, and got on the cab to go to work.

I called Bobbie from the cab. I was just wondering how she's doing after the break up. She had to be in the same situation as me - a mess. She really loves Sam and I couldn't believe he would break her heart like that. Well, at least he's not cheating on her. He just wasn't ready to talk about having a family and babies. I didn't get Bobbie either though. If she really wanted all that plus more, why would you shack up with a twenty something boy? It was almost a no brainer that he might not be ready for what grown ups would want.

Bobbie always surprised me. She sounded so cheery!
"Good Morning, Sabby!!!"
"Oh..... hello." I said. "You must have had three cups of coffee already."
"No, I haven't." She said. "I haven't had a chance to make coffee yet. I've been busy this morning." She said.
"Okay....well, I'm glad you're feeling fine. I was just calling to check up on you..to see how you're doing."
"I'm fine and happy."
"Oh yeah? How come?"
"Sam came home and apologized last night. I was so happy that he didn't leave. We had an incredible make-up sex last night, ...... and this morning too. He just left for work." She said giddily.
"Oh!" I said in shocked. "In that case, good then." I said. "I have nothing to worry about."
"Dios Mio, if we broke up...I would really miss the sex. He's so good, Sabby and he can last and last and last."
"Oh...okay... enough." I said. "I can get jealous quite quick on that." I said. "Make sure Victoria didn't know about how good he is." I said. I instantly felt bad after saying that. "Sorry, I was being mean."
"Ah...seriously, she better not." Bobbie said. "She can't be so stupid for doing it again to one of us."
"Let's just hope not." I said.
"I love him so much. I wouldn't bring up babies anymore."
"But, sweetie...if that's what you want? You need to be with someone who wants to have babies with you. Don't sacrifice what you want over a man?"
"I'm torn. I've been torn for awhile, you know it." Bobbie said. "But I'm not ready to let him go. Not just yet."
"Well it is up to you, Bob. Your decision."
"Don't call me Bob." She said. "I know what that meant."
"That's when I know when you're head is bobbing." I said and laughed. "You're stubborn as hell, Bob...but, indecisive at the same time."
"I know. He did use a condom this time though and he flushed it down the toilet."
"Okay......?"
"We don't use condoms usually...and he said he just wanted to be safe since I missed my pills. I told him I didn't miss any pills. He could have just thrown the used condoms to the garbage but no...he flushed it. I was offended actually... what? He thought I would fish it out of the garbage and use a turkey baster to inseminate myself?!"
"Oh...and that didn't cause more world war?" I asked in disbelief.
"I started to get mad again...but he seduced me and then, I was just too tired to fight and chose sex instead."
"I don't know what to tell ya, girlfriend. You both have some serious decisions to make. This is not going to last if you didn't get on the same page. That flushing down the toilet act would piss me off so much and not to mention it might plug your plumbing. I will kick his ass." I said, as I started to get pissed.

Bobbie ended up trying to calm me down. It was just in time as the cab was pulling over to drop me off at my building. Sean Talbott was walking in when he saw me. Perfect timing as I needed to talk to him. He smiled and said..."Look it.... It's Sabby in the cabbie." I laughed and then I told him about Xandra's lawsuit. He was game and he was willing to help without giving me any grief at all. Sean always dresses so nicely. I really think he must be gay because he's so damn dapper and so in touch with his feminine side. Too bad, because he's a really sweet guy. All the sweet guys are gay of course. Go figure.

Okay - all the friends were taken care of and now it was time for coffee, then headed to the Monday morning meeting with Jordan. It was hard to see Victoria across the table from me and we didn't talk to each other. She looked tired and sad. I felt I actually looked better than her today. I had on a black legging with ankle boots for easy traveling. I had on a fuchsia cashmere turtle neck inside a black blazer. I put on a wide belt to accentuate my waist. I thought I looked pretty chic. One of Victoria's staff from fashion even gave me a compliment. I couldn't be that shabby Sabby today. Jordan sensed right away there was something off between Vic and me. We both denied it and went about our business. It was really hard for me to look at the picnic pictures of me and Nigel. We actually looked great together.

"I decided to publish the test shoot photos of you and Nigel." Jordan said. "It looked much better than the models." He said as he looked closely at the picture. My coffee almost went down the wrong pipe and I started coughing.
"What??" I said. "That's absurd." I said.
"Yeah..I like it better." Jordan said. "It looked real and believable. You guys actually had better chemistry than the models." Victoria started coughing now. I glared at her.
"I'm sure Nigel wouldn't go for it." I said.
"Let me ask him." Jordan said as he dialed the phone. He called his assistant, Bev and told her to ask Nigel to come to the meeting room if he's free. I was about to die realizing that he was in the building. Oh God...I couldn't face him today. My face was red already thinking about him and Charlotte Reed.

Not long Nigel entered the conference room. He looked so handsome and I couldn't help myself to shudder holding back feelings and amazement dedicated to that man I really loved. The dark brown sweater with a v neck paired with a collared cream colored shirt looked perfect on him. He had such a presence when he entered a room. Everyone looked at him and he scanned the room with such commanding aura. His eyes stopped at me and he smiled ever so manly. I tried to respond to the smile, but I couldn't smile like I was happy to see him. My smile was so awkward and I knew even Victoria noticed it. So did Nigel. His smile changed too almost instantaneously. Good thing Jordan just took over and asked him about the photos.

"These photos are great, Nigel." Jordan. "I want to publish it. I know it's just a test shoot, but if I get your consent, I'd use these instead."
Nigel raised his eye brows and smiled. "Yeah, these are nice."He said as he went through it.
"I agree actually." Tim from Advertising said. "These looked so real." He said.
"What does Sabrina think?" Nigel said without looking at me. Victoria put her eyes on me. I glared at her. She said..
"She looked great in those pictures. I think it was the dress." Vic said. I rolled my eyes.
"I liked them too." I said. "But..the models must have looked better than me, perhaps not better than Nigel." I said. Nigel laughed. "Sabrina, if these pictures were nice, it certainly wasn't because of me." He said and smiled.
"Look at you, honey You're gorgeous...if you have it, flaunt it!" Eric Yee, the stylist said it to me.
I just smiled and scribbled stuff on my note pad. Nigel laughed a little and he looked at me and winced. He had to wonder what was wrong with me. I really wanted to tell him I found out about you being a lying bastard, that's all.
"You have my consent." Nigel said. "It'll be terrific to see myself in Joie for a change." He smiled. "I usually never get to be so lucky."
"It's going to production tomorrow. This is all because of Sabby's work. The food, the setting, and damn..the chemistry between you two are unbelievable. I love it!" Jordan said as he looked at one picture in particular. Nigel snagged that picture from his hand. "I think I'm going to keep this one for myself." He said. He walked towards the door, and he turned around and said.."Anything else?"
"Nope. We're good. Thanks, boss." Jordan said.

I couldn't wait until 2:00 pm when the limo would come to pick Eric and me to go  to O'Hare. I really couldn't believe that I actually couldn't wait for the plane to take off and take me to another world away from all these. I couldn't deal with the ups and downs that my heart has been going through lately. I really would like to see a print out of my Electrocardiogram. I spent some time with my staff in the kitchen and in the studio preparing them for when I would be away.

Around 12:30 PM, Nigel walked in to the kitchen to check me out. Good thing I had people around so he couldn't really be anything but professional.

"Smells good in here." He said.
"Oh hi, Mr. Gallagher." Jenna said and smiled from ear to ear.
"Hello Jenna." He said. "Sabrina."
"Hi." I said curtly. Nigel again looked at me with a puzzled look. But he didn't dwell on it and he continued with a smile.
"What are you cooking that smells so wonderful?"
"Barbecue sauce for the pulled pork sandwich." Jenna said.
"Boy, that made me hungry." He said.
"Oh..too bad it isn't quite ready yet." Jenna said.
"That's okay." Nigel said. "I was going to ask Sabrina to join me for lunch anyway. I want to discuss these pictures that Jordan talked about." I looked up to see him.
"I'm sorry, Nigel. I wouldn't have time today. I'm leaving in an hour to the airport." I said. "I have so much to get done."
"Okay. No worries." he said. "We can discuss it some other time. Can I talk to you for a second though?" He said as he gestured me to go outside the kitchen.
"Of course." I said. "Jenna, I'll be right back. Will you prepare a plate for Mr. Gallagher of what we have prepared other than the pork?" I asked.
"Yes, will do right away."
"Thanks, Jenna." Nigel said.
"I'll send it to your office." Jenna said.

He went in to an empty studio next door. He closed the door and he said to me..
"What's wrong, Sabrina?"
"Nothing's wrong." I said, cold as ice. "How's your wife?"
"She's better. Thanks for asking."
"I'm glad." I said.
"Please don't take me for a fool." He said, changing the subject back to his original path.
"I should have told you the same thing." I said. He frowned.
"I'm not following." He said. "I sent you a text a couple of days ago and you didn't reply. It was not like you." He said.
"I told you we need to stop the communications. I made it clear."
"Okay.." Nigel said. "I told you I was trying."
"Well...try harder." I said as I looked up to meet those beautiful green eyes.
"Darling, please talk to me. I can't do this." He said. "I don't like the way this feels."
"There's nothing to talk about, Nigel." I said. "Look, we definitely can't do this around the office." I said.
"I know. I've just been crazy from missing you." He said as he caressed my face.
"Stop.." I said. I tried to push his hand away but instead he held it. I couldn't deny I love that warmth I felt from his skin.
"Nobody's here." Nigel said.. "Relax." He said.
"We can't do this, and I don't want to do this." I said in a very matter-of-fact tone. "If I have to resign from this company so you get my drift, I will do so." Nigel was taken aback.
"What?" He said. "Just last week you were talking fine over the phone with me on Valentine's Day. I am trying, Sabrina. Don't push me."
"I'm not." I said. "I was trying to make it easy on you." I said. "If it's too hard to have me around here, I can quit."
"I don't want you to quit." He said. "What have you been drinking?"
"Nigel...I'm busy. I am going out of the country." I said. "Just please... "
Nigel looked angry now. He grunted and he said... "Have it your way, Sabrina." He left the studio and left me behind. I was sad as soon as he left. I knew I had made him feel terrible. I didn't get it. When I saw his eyes and when he talked to me, I didn't sense a snake. Those eyes looked genuinely in love with me. His touch and his gazes felt like they belonged to me. I didn't understand and but the fact that there's a Charlotte Reed and he bought her a necklace made him the best actor ever. He should have won an Academy Award for it.

I had perhaps an hour of peace and quiet in my office before Victoria popped her head in acting like she was welcomed. I ignored her and she understood. She told me that she was sorry one more time and she wished me a good trip. Then, the auditors came and asked a couple questions. Then I saw from afar Derek and Nigel were walking together towards the executive wing. I was worried in an instant. How about if he was discussing me threatening to resign or whether he decided to fire me? I got scared all of a sudden. Maybe I needed to do some damage control for letting my emotion got the better of me. Even though I knew it was perhaps the smart thing to do, I couldn't get myself to get up and go to Nigel. I guess qui sera sera. Whatever will be will be.

I had everything packed, and Eric came to get me.

"The limo is here, Sabby. Are you ready?"
"Yes.." I said as I grabbed my business briefcase and purse.
"I'll see you outside." He said. I nodded and smiled.

When I walked out of my office and said good bye to Frances and people around, Nigel was walking towards my office. He said..

"You're ready to go?"
"Yes." I said.
"You're not even going to say good bye?" He asked in front of every one.
"Of course, I will." I said and tried to smile.
"Let me walk you out." He said.
"Bye guys!" I said and smiled.
"Have a great time. Safe travel!" Frances said.
"It is a business trip, Frances." Nigel said. "She's not supposed to have a great time."
"Oh, you know what I mean, Nigel." Frances said.
Nigel just smiled and ushered me as he grabbed my luggage from my hand.
"Thank you." I said.
"My pleasure, love." He said.
I smiled a little. "You really are not trying very hard." We walked into the elevator.
"I decided.." He said.
"What did you decide?" I asked.
"I decided to ignore everything you asked me to do. I have never been that good of a follower. Besides, I'm the boss."
"Oh.." I said. "Is that how it is? I'm sorry, but you're not the boss of me in this matter." I said. "Let me make that clear."
"So you are the boss of me in this matter?" Nigel said. "Have I been demoted?"
"You just don't have jurisdiction over me. Sorry. I'm my own entity." I said. "Whether you like it or not." 
"I am still going to ignore you." He said and smiled.
"Look, I didn't mean to make you mad before." I said. "I just can't do this with you. I don't want to have anything to do with you while you're still married or otherwise."
"Or otherwise?" He said confused. "Sabrina...why are you saying this to me?"
I could only shook my head. I was saved by the elevator door being opened.
Eric came towards us with a smile and shook Nigel's hand.
"Hey Nigel... " He said.
"Take care of her, Eric." Nigel said. "Keep her safe."
"Of course." Eric said and laughed. "Let me get that." He said as he took the luggage from Nigel.
"I can take care of myself." I said.
"She's a feisty one, she will probably keep me safe instead of the other way around." Eric and Nigel both laughed. "Come on, Sabrina...say good bye. We got a jet to catch." Eric said as he walked my luggage to the limo driver.
I turned to Nigel.."Good bye." I said.
"Why did you say otherwise?" Nigel asked. "What do you mean?"
"You don't need me, my love." I said. "Not if you have Charlotte Reed." I said softly in his ear. I kissed his cheek. Then, I said.."Good bye."
He looked at me, and he was about to grab my hand if Eric didn't turn around and walked towards me. Nigel stopped and he said..."Is that what this is about?" He said. "Charlotte Reed?"
"Have a good week!" I said and walked away and entered the car.
Eric raised his hand to Nigel and he also went into the car. Then, we were airport bound.

"Well, Eric...I never thought I would say this..but I can't wait to start this trip with you." I said when I got all comfortable sitting inside this nice stretched limo. He just smiled, that cocky smile I hate but he sure did look hot.
"Right on.." He said.

South East Asia, here we come. Even for a runaway business trip, I'd be heading South. I hope this trip will help me forget and heal some of these pains I felt deep inside of me. I hope some time away would help me let go.