Tick Tock. Tick Tock.
Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock.
It's 7:15 AM. Central Standard Time. We're in the middle America. Chicago, Illinois to be exact. South-side, where everything is perceived to be just a little less grand. South Loop is a happening neighborhood. It is south nonetheless. They say south of heaven is hell. South side of Chicago is flourishing. It is hardly hell. In fact, I live there.
I reached my phone that was sitting on the side table next to my bed. Mh, time was ticking away. Everyday around this time, I knew I was supposed to be in the shower already, getting ready for work. The feeling of comfort, snuggling under my old thick down comforter in this sub zero temperature made the thought of getting up to be such a difficult ordeal. Work. What is that? Work.
Tick Tock.
Okay, I was officially late. Nothing new. As usual, it was part of my morning. Procrastinating to a point of you knew you're screwed. Scrambling trying to make it out the door somewhat decent. Racing to get to the office not so late. You think I would learn. Somehow, it's what I enjoy subconsciously. Screwing myself out of order. Self-sabotaging or rebelling to a constant I knew I didn't want to do.
8:30 AM - I was on the bus. I looked like hell. I seriously looked like hell today. Hat, pants from yesterday, the first sweater I saw, and some blush and lip gloss completed my look. I saw my reflection on the bus window. Ugh - great. I didn't get why I put lip gloss and my lips were still so chap. I went through my purse trying to get that damn lip gloss again as I could feel my lips cracked. Ouch. But I found my phone instead. I forgot about the lip gloss, and I started checking facebook and played a word on Words With Friends.
What would I do without my phone? All my world and my friends are on my phone. I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't own one. As I was busy fiddling with my phone, I felt the bus was slowing down. Oh, that was my stop. I got up ready to get off the bus. As I stood, a girl said to me..
"Oh I love your scarf." I turned around trying to see who said that. A plain looking woman in her thirties was looking at me with a big smile. Her red frizzy hair were all over the place fully charged with static energy. Thus why - mine is short and tucked under a hat!
"Thank you." I said and smiled as I ripped open more cracks on the bottom lip of mine.
"Where did you get it? It's so cool. I love the frills." she added.
"It was a gift." I said. "These aren't frills." I said as I pulled the ruffles made from some flexible materials that bunched up together when you put it around your neck. "See how it works?" I tried to demonstrate to her.
"Wow..I love it!" She said. "I should look for it. What is the brand?" she said. I rolled my eyes and hoping she didn't see it... I helped her to take a peek.
"Oh...no tag." I said. "Sorry.. wish I knew."
The bus came to a screeching halt. The door flew open. I threw a fake smile to the red headed lady, and I got off the bus.
I don't get why people always seem to be interested on what I wear. I don't even put much thoughts into what I wear. I could be a crabby bitch in the morning prior to my morning Java. Somebody pulling on my scarf no matter how complimentary she was did not help this morning to shape into a great day.
The elevator ride to the 18th floor was fun as usual.
"Hey Sabrina.."
Sean Talbott, the metrosexual black guy who always dresses to the T, walked in to the elevator as I was about to press the close door button. He works on the 20th floor for a lawfirm. Yes, he's one of the attorneys.
"Mr. Talbott." I said and smiled. "How are you this fine morning?"
"Oh, just great." He said and smiled. "And how are you?" He said as peppy as he could.
"Peachy." I said.
"You look like you need coffee." He said.
"That, I do." I said.
"You smell good." He said. I looked at him. He then said.."In fact, you smell good every time I'm in the elevator with you."
"Well, I guess that's a good thing."
"Very floral." He said. Oh. He had to be gay. I thought to myself. Yet, he always seems to hit on me.
"It's Gardenia." I said as I smiled quaintly.
"Oh! I was close. I thought it was Lily."
"Yeah. They're uh...both whites." I said. "I guess."
Ding! 18th floor.
"Oh...here's me." I said. "Have a nice day!"
"See you, Sabrina. Get some coffee!" Sean said.
I waved and walked towards my office. The receptionist on the front desk greeted me with the big smile.
"Good morning, Sabrina!"
"Good morning, Amy." I said quick and gave her a quick smile.
"You look great today!" I turned to see her with confusion on my face. Did you know I didn't bathe today? Because I was late? Apparently not.
"Oh thanks." I said.
Got to my office and took off my heavy parka. It was freezing cold in the office. I could feel that chill as soon as I took off my coat. Coffee - first mission. Wait, let's set up the computer first.
Waiting for that laptop to boot up would take another ten minutes. I sprinted towards the kitchen for a hot cup of joe. They actually serve great coffee in this fine establishment of Joie Magazine. I take advantage of that espresso machine at least twice daily.
"Is that a new sweater?" Beverly, the administrative assistant to my executive editor, barged in with a question.
"You're talking to me?" I asked.
"Sabrina..you're the only one here!" she said and laughed.
"Well, this is an old sweater. I wore it before. And it's old and nubbing." I said.
"Is it?" She said. "It looks nice." She said. "I love that color on you."
"Brown?"
"It's taupe. It complements your skin tone very much." She said.
"Thanks." I said. "See you later. Gotta run. Meeting in 5 minutes." I said and gave my umpteenth fake smile of the day.
Should I be grateful when people around the office gave me empty compliments like that? What was it? Did they think I was blind? I knew when I looked good and when I didn't. I didn't even try today. I was lucky I got out the bed and made it to work. Yes, I am over 35 years old but that didn't qualify me to be a grumpy old lady. I wasn't grumpy. I just couldn't stand these frivolous empty chatters that didn't mean a thing. Why would they do this to me? Every single day of the week. Why can't they just ask me about my night or my morning? Why my sweater? Why the way I look? Why?
"Hey sunshine." Frances, my assistant, greeted me.
"Oh, good to see you, Fran." I said as I plopped my butt on her receiving chair.
"Good to see you too, Sabby." She said. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Bev..." I said. "I mean shit...this sweater is so old and ugly." I said.
"Hahaha. She complimented you on it?" Fran asked. I rolled my eyes. "Lighten up, Sab." she chuckled. "I don't get why you keep getting pissed off about it and they do it every day!"
"It just gets to me." I said. "They must think I'm stupid." I said. "I know when I look good and I didn't take a shower today." I said.
"Oh..Goodness...you didn't bathe?" Fran laughed.
"No! Don't you dare tell anyone!" I said. "I look like a shit and I know it." I said. "It's like they're mocking me."
"No way." Fran said. "Those girls adore you."
"Don't give me that shit." I said. "I know Bev would be the first one to shoot me if she's ever gone postal."
Fran couldn't stop laughing. "OMG, Sabby." she said. "hahaha...that's so crazy. But you're probably right. You'd be dead first." I smirked.
"Thanks for the confirmation." I said.
"Hahahaha.... funny. They're totally clamoring towards you for some reasons. I saw Bev, Amy, Tanya..they copy you all the time. But at the same time, they hate you."
"Hate?"
"Hate is a strong word." Fran said. "It's definitely love/hate with them."
"Ugh...whatever." I said.
"They're waiting for you at the conference room." Fran said. I was walking away already as I nodded acknowledging her.
Morning has always been fun. No, I was being facetious. I hate mornings. I like it when it's noon and it's lunch time. That's when the day starts for me.
The meeting room was filled with people already. I clearly was late.
"Hey nice for you to show up, Sab." Jordan said. He's my executive editor but we're good friends.
"Bite me." I said as I stuck my tongue at him. He laughed.
"Feisty this morning." He said. I smiled. He was standing with a guy who's clearly the Goddess of fashion himself. "Sabrina, this is Eric Yee, the stylist for next month cover." Jordan said. "Eric, meet Sabrina Gilmour, our Food Editor." He smiled to me and blew kisses to my cheeks.
"Enchante.." He said to me. "Eueww..you shouldn't drink coffee. It's so bad for your pearly whites." He said.
"Ohh....we want her to drink coffee." Jordan said. "If not, she might kill someone."
I smiled. "Did you just say euw to me?" I said. "Thank you. Honest thing I heard all day."
"Sabrina, it's 9:30." Jordan said. "It's hardly all day."
I still smiled and walked away.
I could understand the caste systems. I really could. I feel like I'm trapped in the middle caste. I'm no Brahman, and I'm no shudra. I'm...whatever. Whatever in the middle. The lower caste people seemed to look up to me while the upper caste just euwed me. Not like this diva of a stylist was higher caste than me, but clearly he thought he was. He worked with beautiful people all day - models, actors, and those Brahmans. The average people like me - meant nothing. Funny how the Brahmans could be so honest in euwing you. Funny how the shudra so fake in complementing you.
I felt I was south of the middle. As usual.
