It wasn't that I didn't like what I saw. It wasn't that I was ashamed of what I had done. None of that. I just felt like I didn't recognize my own life anymore. Nothing seemed familiar anymore. I don't wear gown, or mascara. I don't wear a diamond Tiffany necklace, let alone for it to be a gift from a man who supposedly loves me. None of these that transpired today was of my doing. What happened? A new magazine, a promotion to Executive Editor, South East Asia, a gala. All those happened today. When you thought your world was already turning out of control, and now you added asteroids, global warming, tectonic slide, and maybe some acid rain on top of it.
Would it be the end, or would I survive this? I just couldn't wrap my head around it. Maybe, I would find a black hole that would suck me in to nothingness. Maybe. But, right at this moment.. I was standing in my room in a Channel dress.
I wanted to tell you all about the gala tonight. Yet, it was just another party filled with mature adults, dressing up like it was their prom night. However, I was right smack in the middle of it all and blending right in. After all, with my complexion, dark hair, and my half Indonesian blood running through my veins, I should feel just right at home here in the neighboring Singapore. But it was suffocating. All of these should have felt exhilarating. After all, these were all good things that happened. But my head was spinning.
I haven't told any of my friends or my parents about any of these. It was the strangest thing as these were too big to be kept for myself. First person that came to mind was Vic. But then, I forgot a big detail that she just stabbed me in the back. In fact, I still have a gaping hole on my back. Even this Channel dress couldn't cover it up. Though, I doubt she would be happy for me even if she knew. This would mean that I actually got something better than what she got. It wasn't my place to be on top in Victoria's world. It just wasn't. But even this tide is turning.
Everything was just so confusing. The compass was totally out of whacked. The world as I used to know it was no longer there. Yet, right now there's only one thing in my world that matters.. Nigel.
Despite the thunderstorm that was going on inside me; I managed to realize that I wanted to look my best in front of Nigel tonight. I curled my short hair though I knew the humidity would just kill all the efforts I put into making the hair looked somewhat dressy. I still did it. I sprayed it with tons of hairspray that I just picked up at the hotel spa. I went all out too on my make-up. Like I said, I even put on mascara. Again, there was a small part in me that wished Vic was here helping me with all of these gala preparations. I tried to erase that thought so quick. I don't know how long it would take for me to realize that Victoria is not a friend. Not anymore. Sad thing was, though the stab wound was still there; but, half of me I knew have forgotten about it already. This is the reason why I am weak. Because I accept. Because I forgive and forget. That is why I keep bad people in my life. Forgiveness at times is not such a good virtue. Forgiveness at times is downright idiotic.
At the end, I managed to look how I wanted to look without the helping hands of Victoria Perkins. I twirled one more time. This time, admiring what I saw in the mirror. I cleaned up well. Still in the track of Pretty Woman, I thought, or should I say.. hoped, Nigel would give that look Richard Gere gave Julia Roberts when she graced the hotel bar to meet him. Not even close! Nigel and Eric were both sitting at the bar waiting for me. However, when I found them there, I was the one that was completely awestruck of how handsome they both looked. When I saw Nigel, my heart started to pound so hard and inside I screamed.."holy shit..can he look any better?! holy shit.. can I have him tonight?!" I totally forgot about checking on their reaction on me. I missed it royally. All those hard work curling my hair and putting on eyeliners, and I didn't even give it a second to gather any type of reaction after making a grand entrance. I was such a dumb ass.
Then, I shifted my attention to Eric, as you couldn't miss him even if you tried. He was standing there next to Nigel, and he looked as dapper as Cary Grant in his hey day. His hair was slicked back. He was freshly shaven and I got a soft whiff of his cologne as I came closer. He stood there straight with a perfect posture, as he held an old fashioned glass filled with bourbon on ice. Both men were wearing impeccable looking tuxedo, but I swore.. there was a moment when I laid my eyes on Eric that I felt spellbound...
"Eric?" I said with awe without realizing it. I didn't even greeted Nigel. Good thing Nigel didn't really pay any attention to it. I quickly shook off that absurdity I just experienced.
Yet, Eric smiled as he graced me with a look that was almost adoring.. "Look at you." He said. "You did well shopping with her." Eric turned to Nigel. Nigel cracked a smile that just disintegrated every strength I had to stand there on these high heels. My knees were ready to buckle as soon as I saw his smile.
Nigel! Oh my God.. Nigel. I shifted my attention to this man I love so much. I couldn't believe that for a split second, I paid more attention to the shithead Eric Phillips. I looked Nigel in the eyes as I tried to gain any type of composure.
"Do I look like a million bucks?" I asked silly.
"More like five.." Nigel said as he gave his arm to me to hold.
"Is that how much it costs?"
Eric nodded.. "and some."
The Singaporean Prom, as I called the gala, was a great gathering of the who's who in Singapore. The who's who that I didn't know. Everyone was practically a stranger and the night was spent for the most part for meet and greet. I met some important people who work for Singapore City Magazine, or should I say...Joie Asia Pacific. These fine people would be my staff. Not every time you got to inherit a staff, and your first impression of them were they in tuxedo and gowns. It was quite an experience that actually made me chuckled. It was taking a regular business suit for an interview to the next level.
"This is some kind of a job interview." I said as I was letting a big laugh.
"Job interview?"Nigel asked.
"Well... Mr. Simon Chen and Miss Landry Hu... " I said.. "My soon to be new editorial staff, though I guess this is not a job interview, but this is essentially my first time meeting them." I said.. "And they're in tuxedo and strapless gown with a slit up to here!" as I gestured to show how high her slit was on that dress. Nigel laughed.
"I suppose it was a little unorthodox." he said.
"A little?" I asked and laughed. "Doesn't matter. It is not like it is a job interview. They're already hired no matter what. I just inherit them."
"You do what you like, Sabrina." Nigel said with an assuring look, almost like he stared me down. "If I failed to mention..Joie Asia Pacific is yours to do whatever your little heart desires." He said.
"Whatever?"
"Whatever." He said. "As long as you make us some money in return."
"Ah huh.." I said.
"Just one little caveat." He laughed.
"I'm not worried about your little caveat." I said. "As long as I won't be audited for every single move I make." I said. "You know you can't save money to make profit."
"I am 100 percent agree with you. You were not really audited to begin with, Sabby." He said. "are we still mulling over this fictitious audit?"
"A fictitious audit that you said you had no part of!" I said as I pointed a finger to his chest and poked him. He held my hand and said..
"It was a white lie." He said and smiled. "It was worth telling."
"You put me through hell because of your white lie!"
"Nothing you couldn't handle." He said. He let go of my hand as he said.. "Be careful.. we are amongst staff in the audience."
"Huh..." I said as pulled away my hand from him. "Some of these people thought I was your wife already." I said and laughed. Nigel smiled..
"I know." He said. "The Malaysian Diplomat over there, Dato Akmal Hamizan, told me I have a beautiful wife." The sound of somebody telling Nigel that I was his beautiful wife made me smile. However, that smile quickly transformed into a bitter expression of tugged lips - no longer a smile.
"Hey.." Nigel called me softly.. I looked up to meet his eyes. "Just be my wife for tonight. Let it be." He said. "Another fiction?" I asked as I gazed at him with a look that showed total hopelessness.
"Yes.." he said, almost whispering."Worth telling." I smiled softly. He squeezed another bigger smile out of me. He was really good about making me accept a grim reality and made it to be somewhat acceptable.
To tell you the truth, though I know it was not real; it did feel wonderful that there were people who thought I was with Nigel and that they thought I was his wife. It made it even harder now that I knew it felt that wonderful if it were the truth. It made it so bittersweet realizing that God gave me a chance to have a little taste of it; yet, he took the plate away.
The rest of the night was filled with more meet and greet, more empty conversations of pleasantries, and some quite exciting banters with two local chefs. I always feel at home when talking about food. This reminded me that my world will not only revolve around foods anymore. I will have several new worlds to explore and to be expert of. As Nigel pointed out, I need to make him some money.
Just one little caveat.
I danced the night away with a couple of very important men that I did not recall the names. I got their business cards that would come handy someday. I supposed I couldn't start any later. I needed to reap all the opportunities, contacts, allies, anything I could get my hands on as early as possible. The ambitious part of me was ready to give this new job everything I had. I went to work almost right away even when I didn't realize it. There was no turning back and failing was not an option. I really did everything to make tonight count for something big.
Nigel finally rescued me from my first day of work and cut in the CEO of Bank Argo. I couldn't be happier when I saw that Nigel was the one that cut in for my next dance. The band played Frank Sinatra's song, "All the Way." How inappropriate.
"When somebody loves you..it's no good unless he loves you...all the way." I was singing along as I looked him in the eyes.
"I love you all the way." He said. I shook my head and smiled.
"No.." I said.. "Happy to be near you when you need someone to cheer you..all the way.."
He chuckled a little watching me mocking him by singing the lyrics of the song.
"Believe it, baby." He said. "I am happy to be near you and you certainly cheer me with your fine crooning."
"This is your song for Marcy." I said. "Not for me." I said. "How about those good or lean year and all of those in between years?" I asked. Nigel shook his head like he meant to tell me to stop it right there and not go over the argument I was about to make. Instead, he grabbed my arm and pulled it closer to him as we were dancing cheek to cheek. He whispered in my ear..
"If you let me love you, it's for sure I'm gonna love you all the way, my love." He said. "Just let me love you." He said. "Please let me." He said. I laid my head on his shoulder, and I tried my hardest at the moment to let him love me and forgot about reality. I tried to stop pushing things that couldn't happen as it wouldn't happen anyway even if I kept bringing it up. At that moment, I really tried to surrender. I really tried to surrender to the unknown and savor the moment as it was bestowed to me.
From where I was, I caught a glimpse of two familiar eyes watching me and Nigel. I turned towards that glance, and found Eric standing by a high boy, with several beautiful girls around him who were trying to get his attention. Yet, his eyes were fixated at me, who were inside Nigel's embrace. I saw bewilderment in his eyes. His head was off to one side. His jawline was taut as if he was clenching his teeth. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but Eric looked perplexed.
Then, it dawned on me that as I was surrendering to this moment; I totally dismissed the notion that not the whole world was with me. Not those who knew my reality. Not Eric.
I quickly asked Nigel to join Eric. However, when we made it to the vicinity of where he was before a second ago; he was no longer there.
The party went on without Eric. Nigel and I forgot about what happened to Eric after a couple more glasses of champagne. There were just enough room for two people in this universe at that moment. There was no equator dissecting the globe horizontally for West and East. There was just the Meridian that was still showing the longitude of North and South. This line would never go away from my universe I had a hunch. Even by the end of the night when the clock struck midnight, I still had no clue how it would end up. North or South. Well, no pumpkin anyway. They don't grow in the tropic quite readily. Thank goodness.
