When I got home, my heart was still giving me some cardiovascular workout without getting on the treadmill. I tried to lay down on the couch to calm myself down. Yet, all I could do was staring at my phone. I was hoping Nigel would text me or give some type of answer. I was hoping he would relieve me out of my misery.
In a way, I hate myself for letting Nigel to have so much more control over my mind and emotions. It wasn't used to be the case despite the crush I have on him. Victoria was right - things have changed between Nigel and me. I couldn't deny it that things have really transformed. I wasn't sure whether it was for the better or worse.
My phone didn't ring nor beep no matter how hard I stared at it. Finally, I gave up and I reached for it and I called him. It rang and rang with no answer. Oh, I knew it wouldn't be easy. I hung up without leaving a message. I slouched on the couch feeling worse than before. I didn't expect tonight would end up like this. I thought I would go home at least happy after spending the day with Nigel at the party. Who knew?
Ring..ring.. oh! Nigel!
"Hello.." I said.
"You rang, Sabrina?" Nigel asked.
"Where did you go?" I asked.
"Where did I go? Where did you go?"
"I came out from the interrogation and you were gone." I said.
"I didn't think you care to see me. You seemed so afraid of your friends."
"I was trying to protect you." I said. "You'll have a lot more to lose than me if people found out."
"What would I lose?" Nigel asked. "You seemed to care more about it than me. Besides, what would they find out? There is really nothing going on."
"I can explain to my friends about me. You on the other hand, can not. I couldn't bear people may think ill of us behind our backs. I won't have it." I said.
"We haven't done anything bad, Sabrina. If Emma had a problem that we hugged, let it be her problem."
"It's easier said than done. They crucified me!" I said.
"Did they?"
"Yeah. They sure did." I said. "They thought for sure I'd do something stupid with you that would just wreak havoc." I retorted. "Plus, it's interesting that you said we HAVEN'T done anything bad."
Nigel laughed.."I did not say that."
"Oh, you sure did." I said.
"I did not."
"Yes, Nigel..haha.." I laughed. "You did."
"Well, I didn't mean it the way it sounded."
"Sure you didn't." I said and kept on laughing.
"I'm just tired of this constant struggle of not doing anything bad. All I want is to see you and talk to you in peace. I'm tired of you looking at me with a look that says you care about me, and when I came to you you ran away."
"I didn't run away."
"You may not have ran away in the literal sense, Sabrina. Yet, you still shut me down."
"You can't understand why?" I asked. "It wasn't because I'm playing games with you. I'm just afraid of what might happen if we didn't reign ourselves."
"But give me credit. I said all I wanted to do was talk to you."
"Aren't you afraid, Nigel? I mean, Emma and Victoria sensed it right away."
"They're your friends. Of course they could tell. However, I know Emma a long time and she wouldn't do or say anything to hurt us. I don't know as much about Victoria, but she's your best friend."
"We do work for a publication."
"If you think a big scandalous rumor about us is going to be the breaking news in the office..."
"You're not afraid of that?" I asked. "You can't be serious, Nigel. Derek would have a field day with you."
"I'm not afraid of Derek, by the way." He said. "But to tell you the truth, I don't care."
"I care." I said. "This is my livelihood too. We have reputation to uphold."
"Sabby, I respect what you want. Just say it and I won't do anything you don't wish me to do."
"Huuuh.." I sighed, because I really didn't know myself what I want.
"Just say it."
"I can't." I said. "I don't know what I want. All I know I don't want to do anything bad and hurt other people even if it means sorrow on my end."
"I know." He said. "You're a good girl, Sabby."
"At times, I don't want to be. I want to be happy. However, I don't want to be happy by stomping on others."
"I have spent many years taking care of others. Just now, after all these years, I feel that I want something for me. But, I need to accept the fact that it can't be."
"Nigel... what do you really want?"
"See your face. See those eyes of yours looking at me with a smile."
"hahaha.. I always thought your eyes are the ones that smile."
"Yours too. It has been awhile for me to see someone happy to see me."
"Mh.."
"But I just want to talk and see your eyes at the same time. I want to talk to you in peace and not being interrupted by people's accusing face."
"That's all?"
"That's all." He said. "But I understand and respect your wish." He said. "Being accused of dirty married man is one thing. But being branded as philandering harassing boss is another." He said.
"You're neither of those."
"I struggle too with these ideas, every day, every minute of every hour for months and months."
When I heard he said that, my heart just melted. It melted like ice cream in Texas heat. I never realized that he's been going through the same thing as me. For once, I realized this guy deserved some happiness too, like I do. I decided that second to screw the world and its rules and crucifying tenets. Nigel wanted to see me and to talk to me. At the very least, he should get that.
"Come over."
"What?"
"Get over here. Let's talk. I'll text you my address" I said.
"You can't mean that. My old heart can't take this much excitement."
"I meant it. Come over, Nigel before I change my mind."
I hung up the phone and started fidgeting. Then I got up and tidied up the place a bit. I also freshened up and sprayed some perfume. I changed to something more comfortable. Nothing sexy. I thought it would be bad. I put on a simple lounging outfits. I didn't want to send the wrong message. I couldn't believe my own reaction in anticipating him coming. For someone who just wanted to talk, I sure as hell did a lot more for impressing him. Yet, it's human nature. I wanted to be pretty for the one man that fills my heart, mind, and soul.
About twenty minutes later, I started to worry and questioning my decision. This could be a really bad mistake. However, in my heart, I wanted it as much as he did. It really took him a long time to get here I thought. So I sent him a text.
"You are coming, are you?"
He replied.. "I'm driving, I can't text right now."
I started laughing.
"You just did."
He replied.. "I'll see you soon."
Whew. I started smiling. I couldn't believe how I reacted towards this whole thing. For someone who has been fighting tooth and nail about the idea of being in love with a married man, I sure as hell felt very hypocritical at that point. My mind was ecstatic anticipating him. My heart was blooming with love. I was actually happy. Really happy.
It took him almost an hour to ring my door bell. When he arrived at my door, I couldn't believe the jolt I felt inside of me. Nigel Gallagher was behind my front door. Nigel! I couldn't believe it. I really couldn't believe that he was actually here.
I opened up the door, and I saw his handsome face. He didn't change. He still had the same clothing on. He had both of his hand behind his back. He smiled when he saw me.
"Hi Sabrina." He said.
"Hi Nigel.." I said and smiled. "Welcome to my humble abode."
He stepped inside and smiled... "Nice place!" He said.
"Whatever... this has to be ghetto for you." I said.
"Rubbish." He said.
"Oh, for you." He said and he pulled out a bouquet of red roses.
"Oh...." I said and smiled. I didn't know where he got the roses but it couldn't be grocery store roses because they were long stemmed humongous roses and they're pre-wired.
"They're beautiful, Nigel.." I said and smiled.
He smiled... "I didn't remember if you told me but I know you like Gardenia?"
"My favorite." I said and smiled.
"I couldn't find those. So, sorry for going with the obvious."
I smiled and shook my head. "These are great. They're humongous! Where did you get this?"
"A flower shop by my apartment." He said. "I asked about Gardenia, but they told me they had to order it. I said..well..that wouldn't work because I need it now."
I laughed. "You didn't have to buy me anything."
Nigel smiled, "I never have to do anything. I just wanted to."
"Thank you." I said. "Make yourself comfortable... let me put these in water." I said. "Anything to drink? More wine? Coffee..?"
"What are you having?"
"Coffee." I said.
"Do you have decaf?"
"Noooo.. no decaf!" I said.. "You drink decaf?"
"I'll be up all night if not." He said. "Unless that's how you want me to be." I laughed and rolled my eyes.
"I thought you're going to be good?'
"What?" he said. "We could be up all night talking. Put your mind out of the gutter, Miss Gilmour."
"Me?"
"Yes, you." He said.
"Nice try." I said. "I didn't know you're naughty."
"I'm not naughty." he said. "I'm a good boy."
"The jury's still out for that one."
"The verdict will remain the same."
Nigel followed me to the kitchen. He looked around and he looked like he was admiring it.
"I expected that your kitchen would be one of a kind. But this is exceeded my expectation."
I smiled. "I structured my apartment around the kitchen. I actually knocked down the third bedroom to expand on the kitchen."
"Wow...quite a kitchen you got." He said.
My kitchen is my sanctuary. It's where my heart lays. When I bought this apartment, I wanted it to be tailor-made for me. I have an all stainless steel kitchen. It almost looks like a professional grade restaurant kitchen. The tall cabinetry made of wood treated with dark pewter color stretched along one wall, floor to ceiling, accented with two sets of Viking range, an industrial size fan, Ansul system, a salamander, a grill, and a deep fryer. Along the other side of the wall, I installed wall unit microwave, oven, and warmer. On the counter on that wall were all my other appliances, among them is my old Kitchen Aid Mixer which I bought almost 15 years ago. I also installed Sub-Zero wine cooler, and drink refrigerator as part of the cabinet system as well as compartment refrigerator and separate freezer that are in line with HAACP. Then, in the middle of the kitchen, I have a humongous island with stainless steel counter top with bar stools on the other side of it. It's perfect for me to spread out and work with dough. I also have built in drawers that I turned into seal tight bins for my flours, sugar, and rice. All I had to do to get some flour is to pull open a drawer. I love my kitchen! Nigel looked more than impressed.
"Take a look at these.." I said as I showed them my flour bins.
"That is pretty slick." He said.
"Yeah!" I said. "I don't have to worry about bags, or containers."
"Plus, it gives your kitchen a very clean look. No clutter on the counter."
"I know." I said.
"You have a lot of flours."
"Hahaha..yep, I do. Bread flour, self rising, bleached, unbleached, potato, cake flower, white lily.."
"Wow!" he said. "I wouldn't know the difference."
"That's why you employed me." I said. I turned to see him. "It's like an out of body experience. I still couldn't believe you're standing in the middle of my kitchen."
He nodded. "I feel the same way. I can't believe you let me in. I'm getting more and more impressed by the minute with you."
"I think you just like my kitchen."
"You can open a restaurant right here."
"That I can. I was going to install a walk in cooler, but I thought that would be a bit much."
He laughed... "I am actually disappointed you didn't have a walk in."
"Nope. Just reach in for now." I smiled. "Maybe someday when I want a house."
"Someday it is."
I nodded agreeing with him. "Want more tour?"
"I thought you'd never ask." He said as he reached for my hand.
I gave him a tour of my humble apartment. Nothing else in my place can be bragged about. The kitchen was the highlight and it went down hill after that. Xandra helped me with decorations of the other rooms. She's really awesome at that. She really has an eye for design and decors. I must say the other rooms in my place might not be flashy, but they're very warm and comfortable. When we got into my bedroom, Nigel smiled.
"Why are you smiling?"
"It's very girly." He said.
"Well, I am a girl, you know." I said.
"Your kitchen doesn't scream girly." He said. "It's very modern and it had a commercial grade look to it. Very professional."
"I wanted more functionality for the kitchen so I can feel comfortable working there. I want it tidy and clean." I said. "My bedroom on the other hand... I want it warm and cozy."
"It looks very cozy." He said. He stepped in and walked around.
"That's what I was going for." I said.
"What are these?" He asked.
"Those are wayangs." I said. "Indonesian wood carving statues of my favorite Hindu Deities."
"You have favorite Hindu Deities?" He looked at me puzzled.
I laughed "Yes, I do." I continued.."My mom is from Bali, Indonesia. She was born a Hindu. She taught me a lot of Hindu mythology."
"That, I didn't know." He said. "And, you think I know more about you."
"Apparently not."
"Apparently not at all." He said. He sat on my bed looking at the statue of Srikandi.
"That one is Srikandi." I said. "She's a symbol of woman's equality to man. In the Javanese version, Srikandi was a woman warrior equal to any man in the epic battle Mahabharata."
Nigel smiled. "The equality of woman goes that far back to the Mahabharata."
"Of course, because strong men were born by strong women."
"That is very true." He said.
"Though in the Indian version, Srikandi was born a woman but reborn as a man to avenge a guy who rejected her."
"Is it really?" Nigel laughed.
"Yeah. In that version, it made her the first cross dresser so to speak." Nigel let out a laugh.
"I'd say we stick with the Javanese version."
"I'd say yeah to that too." I said and smiled as I gazed at him. Nigel gave me a smile that just sent tons of little electricity all over my body. I felt that smile can be hundreds of acupuncture needles stabbing me on the nerve. He kept on looking at me, and he caressed my hair softly.
"You're so beautiful, Sabrina." He said. "Inside and out."
I smiled a little. I didn't know what I was feeling at that moment but I lost in the deep green sea of Nigel Gallagher's eyes. The warm current he sent me was enveloping me to a point that I didn't know where I was, what I was doing, or thinking.
"Nigel.." I called out his name softly, almost a whisper. Nigel held my hand firmly. Our hands entwined together forming one big fist. He caressed me softly with his other hand from hair to my cheek, to my neck. Then he pulled his hand, realizing what he was doing. Yet, what happened next was not me. I swear it was satan giving me the apple and I took a bite as in my next breath, I lunged for his lips.
Nigel did not back out. Instead, he returned the kiss like I never thought a man could kiss. His lips felt so soft on mine. He kissed me with all his might and I lost all control. His kiss was so soft yet forceful. It awakened every sense in my body and how I missed that. How I missed a man loving me, kissing me, and feeling me the way Nigel was doing. He laid me down and we kept on kissing. He was on top of me, caressing my hair, and feeling my body as I did the same to him. I opened my eyes not believing what was happening. I couldn't believe what I was doing and that I had absolutely no will to let this stop. Instead, I never wanted it to be over. I never wanted the time where he would stop his kiss.
Nigel's hand went down slowly from my neck to my breast as he graced my mound by the handful. I jolted from the sensation as I felt his moist lips on my neck, kissing me ever so slowly.
"Ah...Nigel... " I called out his name as I withered in ecstasy.
"Oh..my God, Sabrina..." He said softly.."Oh my God..what are we doing."
Yet, I went for his lips and we were lost again in the land of the unknown. Our bodies entwined together.
My bedroom has transformed into the Garden of Eden where Eve took a bite of that sinful fruit. I wasn't sure where the snake was, but I also took a bite. They say Garden of Eden is beautiful and heavenly. I couldn't say that I wasn't in heaven. It was pure heaven.
The compass has taken a turn. It's pointing up. I don't know for how long.
