My mother would not call this place the Garden of Eden. She would call it Nirvana. The bad part about Hindu mythology is that there are some good Gods to worship; but, there are also many demons in many types and forms. Some of the Gods were even evil. For the most part of other mythologies or religions, there are always bad Gods. In Hinduism for example, Shiva is one of the Trimurti or the trinity of the supreme Gods. He's highly regarded and feared as not only he's one of the most powerful of the Gods, but he's also the destroyer. He has many reincarnations in the form of scary beings. In the Norse mythology, Loki is a God known as a trouble maker. In Greek mythology, Hades, the brother of Zeus, is usually regarded as the God of the underworld, or the devil himself. Though, really, compared to the devil as we know it, he's actually rather tamed. Nevertheless, evil is everywhere. They're here to tempt us humans into sin.
Hindu would win I think in the demon section. I think they have a long list of Asuras, the power seeking and sinful of the Gods. Satan, in Catholicism, is just as evil. I didn't know which devil was in my apartment, but I could feel his presence.
Just now I realized that I actually understand what Eve had gone through that day in the Garden of Eden. What was happening to me was heaven at its best on earth. Yet, at the same time, I felt that the world would crumble upon me. I could sense a catastrophe was imminent and I couldn't breathe thinking about it. It was the most beautiful moment to be had and I couldn't, for even a moment, savor its sweetness. In fact, it was plain bitter.
Nigel ran his fingers softly over my skin tracing a thin line from my neck to the space where my breasts parted. He was still kissing me softly as I caressed his strong muscular back. Feeling his body on top of me was intoxicating. His kisses were maddening. I was just lost in the abyss of lust and love over this man I truly love.
Did I say love? Yes. It was surely love.
Our legs were tangled with one another as he moved slowly on me, feeling me. All of a sudden, I felt that he was getting hard. I couldn't miss his bulging manhood against my thigh, and I opened my eyes, panicking.
"Nigel.." I shrieked softly. He didn't stop.
"Nigel..." I said again.
"Sabby, don't stop me." He said.
"Nigel.." I said again, looking at his eyes. His eyes for a second was full of fire. It was opened wide and it was full of lust. When they met mine, all of a sudden, it changed. They calmed down in an instant. I kept on looking into his beautiful eyes, and I couldn't do anything else but to smile. Those green eyes finally smiled back at me. So did his lips. He looked down on me, and he planted one soft long kiss on my forehead.
He then said to me, "Please don't tell me it was a mistake."
I shook my head as I caressed his scruffy cheek. "Never."
He nodded as he was thankful for it. "I knew it's wrong. Sorry I didn't keep my word about being good."
"I was to blame for that." I said.
"I easily share that blame." He said.
"You could say I seduced you." He smiled.
"I wanted it just as much. For a very long time." He said.
"I feel rotten inside." I said as I put my hand on my chest. He gazed down avoiding to see me.
"Frankly, I feel nothing of the sort. I feel...happy." He said. "I feel like this is where I should be though I knew it is not supposed to be that way."
"I just lost control." I said. "I could definitely tell the difference between right and wrong. Except, I didn't know why what's right for me was deemed wrong by every one else."
"It was all because of me." Nigel said. "If only my situation was better, Sabby." He said. He got off from on top of me and he laid next to me. He put one his arms over his head. He looked like he was in deep thought. Then he said to me... "It could have been simpler for you to just meet someone and not to worry of all these moral ordeals."
"It wasn't your choosing either." I said as I turned my body to face him. I put my hand over his chest. He grabbed it instantaneously and held it.
"One thing I can tell you... I think many of my friends fed me bull crap when they said it was easy to cheat on their wives." He said. "This has been nothing but easy."
"That's because your intention was not just to cheat on Marcy." I said.
"Actually, it has never been my intention." He said. "I've never intended to cheat on her. I've also never intended to fall in love with you."
"You're falling in love with me?" I asked and smiled. He turned to see me and nodded.
"I'm so in love with you it hurts." He said. I went to him and kissed his lips. He grabbed my cheeks and kissed me back full of the love he was telling me about.
"I love you." I said softly. "I love you right or wrong."
We kissed again for the longest time until I felt my tears were rolling down my cheeks.
"Don't cry, sweetheart." He said.
"What's going to happen to us, Nigel? This is love that can not be." I said.
"Can we just enjoy our time together when we can?" He asked.
"What's going to happen tomorrow, and the next day and the next day?" I asked. "I'm 36 years old. I want the whole shebang. I don't want to be your mistress. I don't want to feel this pang of guilt every time I kiss you."
"I don't want you to be my mistress, Sabrina."
"Then what?"
"I don't know." He said. "I don't know."
He looked at me...."I can't divorce her. It would be so cruel."
I shook my head back and forth. "That would be so heartless."
"Except I don't even think she even cares for me anymore." Nigel said. "She's not happy to see me. She prefers to be alone. She never calls me when I'm out of town. When I call her she probably would say five words to me before hanging up." Nigel dazed.
"I have no expectation on that sense." I said. "I can't ask you to do anything of the sort. You've never been mine to have."
"I wish it was different."
I smiled. "Different day, same situation. I'm still me and.."
"and I'm still married, I know."
"Yep." I nodded.
Nigel turned to see me as he held on to my hand on his chest. "I love kissing you, Sabrina."
I smiled to him.."I love kissing you too, Nigel."
"I love everything about you. Where have you been all my life?"
"God had other plans for me in the past."
"We should have met years ago in New York."
"Shoulda coulda woulda." I said. "Don't worry, you'll forget about me in no time. I'm not special."
"How could you say such a thing?" Nigel asked. "There's no turning back for me."
"Don't be silly. What could you do?"
"All I could ask you is if you look the other way." I shook my head back and forth.
"I can't." I said. "Don't ask me that."
"So, we just sacrifice ourselves because of values? Most people who have common sense should understand our predicament."
"It's not fair what the world expected of you." I said. "It's so not fair."
"If she returns my love for her, even though she's sick, I probably would feel so much better about everything. After all these years, it piled up on me. I have been spending my forties living like I was a 70 year old man. Now, when I actually found the woman of my dreams... I can't even have her. I can't even make love to her."
"Huh.... what would you have me do?" I asked.
"We've kissed. We told each other love. It's cheating nonetheless."
I smiled. "It's bad enough already."
"So what if we made love?"
"So it would change my whole life philosophy and I would stoop to the same level as the woman who broke apart my marriage." I said.
"You wouldn't do any breaking on mine. It's broken already. Sabrina, we have not been living as husband and wive for years."
I shook my head again.
"Of course I have to fall for a stubborn woman like you."
I smiled. "I'm sorry."
Nigel smiled. "It's probably one of the reasons why I fell for you anyway. You are more than any words can say. Though here I am shamelessly trying to talk you into having sex with me."
"I know!!" I said. "You said you'd be a perfect gentleman and will just talk to me."
"I am. I am just talking you into making love to me."
"Hahahahaaha.." We both laughed hard.
"I failed miserably." He said.
"You think I didn't want that?" I asked. "You didn't think I want you so hard in me?'
as I caressed it softly.
"Don't tease me." He said. "That's cruel."
"I want you so much more than I have ever wanted anyone in my life, Nigel." I said. "I don't know how much tears I cried over you. Over all these sorrows for not being able to be with you. For not being able to have you in my life every day of every week. For not being able to wake up next to you every morning."
"You know, I have a lot. I have almost everything a man could want. Yet, I have never felt so helpless in my life. I just want to make everything go away and we can make a life together. You and me."
"We have this night. Tomorrow will be a different day. Nothing will change tomorrow, but for tonight, hold me." I said. "Be with me." I said. "Stay with me and don't leave me." I said.
He nodded. "I'm not going anywhere, Sabrina."
"I'm so tired, Nigel." I said...he grabbed me inside his warm embrace and he cuddled me. It felt so great to lay on his chest with his strong arms protecting me so nicely. I usually have never been good in holding back the lust. I didn't know where this power all of a sudden was bestowed upon me. Through history, I have never been shy in attacking a man to get him on the sac. But this one, I really love. No matter how hard it was, my love for him transcended lust any day and I have never wanted to hurt him nor screw with his life, not if I could help it. I realized fifteen minutes of bliss would not worth the endless pain and nor stain that can not be erased. Was I wrong to sacrifice both of our happiness for a virtue? Like he said, we have already cheated. We have already committed the sin mentally, spiritually, and even physically. Yet, I still couldn't get myself to go all the way.
This one, I really love.
My tears kept on falling. I couldn't seem to stop crying. I have never been this happy and this sad at the same time. I was so happy that Nigel was laying next to me cuddling me so tight. However, I was so sad that there's no answer for us. There's nothing we could do in order to be together and for it to be right. Nada.
"Will you try to stop crying for me?" Nigel asked as he caressed my hair and kissed my forehead. I wiped my tears. "You made my shirt wet." He said as he got up and started to undress.
"Why are you undressing?" I asked.
"I'm getting ready for bed." He said. "Besides, my shirt is wet."
Nigel Gallagher for being in his late 40s had a body to die for. It's not perfectly sculpted like a Greek God obviously, but he's so sexy under the shirt. He had just enough hair on the chest and a nice muscle definition. I took two big gulps of air looking at him shirtless. He took off his pants too and kept his underwear. "Now, you need to stop crying." He said as he took his place next to me again.
"Sorry." I said. "I can't help it." I said. "It's not all tears of sorrow. It's tears of joy too."
"Really?" He asked and smiled. I nodded.
"Yeh." I said.
"That's good." He said. "That made me happy." He said. "I can't stand seeing you cry. I want to make you happy, not crying all the time. Though it's about all I do."
"That's not true." I said. "You made me happy plenty of times."
"Not enough." He said. "What will make you happy, darling?"
"You, naked like this."
"I'm not completely naked. This is how I sleep."
"Let's keep it that way unless you want to make a slut out of me."
"No, I just want to make you happy. What will make you really happy? Tell me your dreams, Sabby."
"My dreams? Other than to be with you? Mh... world peace."
"Hahahaha." He laughed so hard. "You're not easy to please."
"That's my dreams."
"What are you, Miss Universe?" he said as he poked my side trying to tickle me.
"hahaha.. stop it." I said. "Stop tickling me."
"You're ticklish, Sabby.." He didn't stop of course..
"Nigel! Oh my God, stop!"
"Hahahaa.." He laughed and caught me from wiggling. We both had a big smile on our faces.
"I have two dreams." I said. "My first dream is to open my own bakery slash tea room. I want it to be so fancy and hoytie toytie and catered to hoytiest toytiest women around. It's going to be a lot of pink and pastel colors, love seats, and the three tier platters serving my home made scones, quiches, sandwiches, and finger desserts."
"Oh....sounds fancy." he said. I nodded with a big smile.
"Oh yeah. I plan to make it big and first class. It's going to be the primo of afternoon tea. Better than The Mandarin Oriental, The Peninsula and The Plaza of the world."
"You could have opened one now."
"I can't afford it." I said. "Not the way I want to do it. I guess I could get a loan. But, it's so risky." I said. "I just have been thinking about it. But, I'm not ready to leave Joie to start my dream." I said.
"How long have you been thinking about it?"
"A long long time. I have never owned my own restaurant. I always worked for other people. I love to write and style food. But my first love is cooking and baking. There's nothing in the world that could compare to that for me." I said.
"Not even being with me?"
"That's different." I said. "I'm talking profession." I said. "I even have a name selected for it already."
"What's that?"
"It will be called 'High SocieTea' with the ty at the end of Society spelled with T e a."
"Hahaha..that's super catchy. I like it."
"You didn't even crack a joke on the high tea faux pas of the Americans?" I asked.
"Uh, low tea, high tea... I'm more an American than British. Whatever float your boat."
"Good. Yeah, High SocieTea...someday... I'll make it happen." I said.. "But to answer your question - cooking, baking, and being in the kitchen make me really happy."
"That I know." He said and smiled. "Perhaps one day you can cook me dinner."
"Are you going to tell me you would be a perfect gentleman again?"
"Have I not been?"
"Mh...it's debatable."
"I didn't rape you, did I?" He said. "Sabby, I was being a man for a little bit, and a gentleman for the rest of the night."
"Yes.. that you are." I said.
"I'd be gay if I didn't react the way I did to you. I'm a normal healthy man who appreciates your beauty and love your person."
"Fair enough." I said. "So, maybe I will cook you dinner one night."
"I can't wait." he said. "So tell me your second dream.."
"Mh... This is more a long range dream..maybe someday when I'm old and retired." I said. "I want to open an orphanage in Indonesia. I want to teach the kids culinary arts. So, it's like X Men School for gifted youngsters, except mine will be Culinary School for the less fortunate children."
Nigel smiled from ear to ear. "That's a novel idea, Sabrina...I admire you for having that dream."
"It's just a dream, Nigel. Nothing to be admired about until I make it a reality." I said. "However, how cool would that be?" I asked.
"It would be more than cool." He said. "It'll be fantastic."
I smiled. "Yeah, I thought so too." I said.
I ranted for a little awhile longer about my orphanage idea. I had a long list of wishes to make that dream come true. After awhile, I didn't hear Nigel responding to me.
"Nigel..?" I looked up to see him.
His eyes were closed. He was asleep. I smiled looking at his handsome face. He looked so peaceful and happy. I felt a rush of happiness sweeping me realizing that for one night he was asleep next to someone who loved him.
The devil from the south had to be here tonight, but there was also a good force penetrating the temptation and delivered us from evil. Sounded so Our Father definitely but it's true. Despite all the bad that happened tonight, there were a lot of good happened for two people who despite the virtue, values, moral codes, and creeds, deserved a chance to love and to be loved by the person whom their hearts chose. We weren't perfect tonight but this is life with all its imperfection. I didn't know what I was really feeling. However, for once, I didn't feel down. I felt fine.
My baby was next to me sleeping so soundly. Let me forget about pain and suffering till tomorrow when my gold chariot would turn back into a pumpkin again. Tonight, I wanted just to be the princess who just found her prince charming. Being in the middle wasn't here nor there; but, it felt a hell a lot better than being down south.
