"Ahh.." I sighed without realizing it. He is just so handsome. He's much older than any of us. Sure, he's the managing partner of this establishment and several of our sister companies. He's actually not handsome in the classical fashion. There's just something about him that I couldn't put my finger on. He's about average in height - not too tall, and not short; about medium built. He dresses nice but not overly fashionable. He usually wears tailored suits with buttoned down shirt without a tie. I have never really seen him in anything more casual. Sure he would still look dashing. He still has a head full of hair though he has to be close to his 50s. He doesn't look it however; but, being that successful and being aware of his demeanor, I could tell he's older. Really... - it's his eyes.
Those beautiful smiley droopy eyes of his.
"Stop staring at him." Victoria said. "He's married."
I didn't pay Victoria Perkins any heeds and kept on staring. Vic is the Fashion Editor and a crazy talented photographer. She's a great friend of mine. I wonder at times why these chicks at work are not just clamoring towards her and copying her. Why they still bother me. She has so many fans, friends, stalkers, you name it. But look at her. She deserves all the attentions. She's the goddamn Fashion Editor for pete's sake. I just eat and play with food.
Vic turned around, and saw me still in la la land. She drooped her shoulders in exasperation. She titled her head towards me as she snapped her perfectly manicured fingers.
"Sabby!" She said. I turned to see her.
"You need to stop staring at Nigel Gallagher."
I smiled..."I'm just looking at the menu." I said. "I didn't order anything."
"What am I gonna do with you?" Vic said. She started spreading some design layouts and pictures on the table.
"Shhh, Vic." I said. "People can hear you." I said as I closed the blind so that I couldn't enjoy his beautiful silhouette any longer.
"Excuse me? You think they won't find out from the way you gawk at him?"
"Oh..he started it." I said. "I never gave it a thought before he started flirting with me." I said. It was true. He started the whole thing - not me.
It was about four months ago at the Food and Wine Gala in Napa at the Chimney Rock Cellars when Nigel and I really started to bond. I wasn't sure whether it was the wine or it was other things. However, I wasn't drunk. Though I was happily buzzed, I was aware of everything that was going on.
We didn't do anything bad. Flush those smut thinking out of your head. I was raised Catholic, from a good God fearing Catholic family. Though I grew up to be not so good of a Catholic, I still know my rights and wrongs. I knew he's married and he's off limit. Yet, I couldn't shake the instant attraction. I have been working for Joie Magazine for six long years and Nigel was there since the first day I started. Yet, it was merely four months ago that I started to have butterflies in my stomach every time he decided to embrace my days.
He had to make a speech to all of us. He was standing next to me, drinking his wine when all of a sudden he turned to me and said:
"Don't tell anyone, but I detest public speaking." He said. I instantly laughed.
"You can't be serious." I said. He smiled and he shook his head. "I wasn't kidding." He said. "I do get nervous. My voice will quiver and I will make a fool of myself in front of everyone."
"Nigel." I said. "I saw you spoke in front of hundreds before. Many times." I said. "You did just fine."
His warm eyes stared straight to me and he smiled.
"Thank you, Sabrina." He said. "I tried my best." He said.
"Did I have to tell you to just imagine everyone in their underwear?" I asked. He looked at me, in a way a little naughty. Though I knew he was doing it to be funny and then, I realized what I was suggesting.
"I didn't mean me, silly!" I said. He laughed.
"Yep. That's sexual harassment waiting to happen." He laughed out loud. I laughed.
"Don't worry. I wouldn't do that to you." I said. "If it does the trick." I said. He smiled.
"It actually made me even more nervous. Imagining you in your undies.." He said. I reached his hand. I didn't know why I did. But I reached his hand. I squeezed it. I gasped when he squeezed it back and I saw that beautiful green eyes of his again. My heart just pounded out loud. I didn't know where that came!
"You'll do great, Nigel." I said. He nodded, and drank the rest of his glass as he walked towards the podium.
I dazed for several minutes after what happened. I just really didn't know what was happening as I felt funny all around. Gosh, I never realized Nigel Gallagher was so attractive. I never knew he's that humble and so vulnerable either. He always seemed to be the successful put together boss that every one looks up to. To have that humbling conversation with him made him seem to be more..somewhere in the middle. Just like me. I always regard him as one of the Brahmans. Well, because he is! He's a Brahman. However, the guy that just talked to me was ...definitely a Khsatria. Yeah, he's a prince charming alright.
Nigel gave a great speech and I laughed and smiled for him from afar. I was actually proud of him knowing his worries. He was a natural. Everyone was engaged and they clapped for him like he's Rod Stewart. When he finished his speech, Jordan took the podium while Nigel took a step back. He looked up and he looked for me. I smiled at him. I gave him the sweetest smile I could give and I didn't plan it. The smile just sort of appeared on its own. He nodded for a quick second and he looked at me rather surprised, and he returned my smile with one from ear to ear. The crazy part was he looked shy about it. It was the cutest, sweetest, gentlest smile I've ever seen. My heart actually sighed deep inside.....aahhh. Ahhh.
If a person could pin point a blink in time when two hearts collided - that would be that time for me. I could honestly said that our hearts hit. I could feel it. I could so feel it.
Nigel and I continued to talk almost the whole night. I learned so much about him in that short time compared to the last five years working for him. I learned about his wife and her ailment. She's really sick. She's been been bed ridden with kidney disease for years. Though she got a transplant two years ago, her condition has not been improving. I could see the weariness in his eyes. I could also see commitment and love there too.
I knew I didn't belong though I was enjoying the conversation with this beautiful man that I all of sudden adore. So, we said good night.
Yet, the days haven't been quite the same since that night in Napa.
"You really like him, huh?" Vic asked. I smiled. I shook my head.
"He's a sweet guy." I said. "He's our boss." I said. "I just adore him. But nothing more." I said. "I know my limit, Vic." I said.
"I just don't want you to do anything stupid." Vic said. "Not that I could see you do something like that. You're too righteous."
"So, why were you yelling at me before?"I said.
"Cuz I knew, deep down you're fighthing your own feeling." Vic said. "I knew you actually have a lot of feelings for Nigel." Vic said. "I knew you too well, Sabby. I knew when you're in love."
"In love?"
"Be careful, honey." Vic said. "I don't want to see you hurt again."
"Oh..come on. I am not doing anything!"
"Do you know how hard it was for me watching you withering in pain last year because of Jax?"
"Oh..Vic.. Imagine how hard it was for me being dumped royally by Jax." I said.
"I know..I know." Vic said. "It's just as hard for me. Cuz, I want you to be happy, Sab."
"So do I."
"Then, you need to start focusing your heart to someone that's available." Vic said. "Someone you can love." I just stared blank to the table.
"Nigel..Jax...those aren't the answer." Vic said.
"I'm good, Vic." I said. "I'm happy. I don't need any man for that." I said and smiled. "What I need is something to eat." I said.
"Here we go...changing the subject again." Vic said. I smiled.
"I think it's time for you to find another pair of shoes for that outfit." I said as I pointed to one of the photographs on the table. "That looked like shit." I said.
Vic smirked and said "Thanks. That's why you're not the Fashion Editor. Go stuff your mouth with a bagel and get fat."
"Ah! Great idea." I said.
As I walked towards the kitchen, I was hoping to avoid Nigel. I wasn't in the condition to entice anyone today. Though I didn't mean or purposely want to entice him, I still wanted to look good in front of him. Today wasn't the day for that. But no such luck. I ran right smack onto him.
"Sabrina." He said as he smiled.
"Nigel. How are you?" I said awkwardly.
"Just fine, thank you." He said.
"Great!" I said and I walked away towards the kitchen. I saw him standing there, confused. After having that come to Jesus talk with Vic, I just couldn't even stand there and make a conversation with him. Not looking like this especially. Deep down, I knew Vic was right. Though I found Nigel to be incredibly charming, I knew he's not reachable. Yet, he's within my reach. Yet, he's still so far. Here's a guy that descended from the pedestal up there and stooped to my level. He's sweet, funny, with all those Brahmans qualities, yet he's meeting me where I'm at. He showed me his insecurities and vulnerability. It showed me despite his money, stature, and success, he's just human - like me. Still, I'm so south of the middle, when my prince charming came meet me in the center, I was still skewed to the side.
As usual.
