I was stretching in my office when I saw a glimpse of Nigel walking towards the front door. I quickly grabbed my phone and acted like I was talking on the phone. I would not know what else to say or do tonight. I wasn't sure I was able to hold out much longer if we would have more encounters. I told myself to play it safe. I didn't want to be obnoxious and I definitely didn't want to encourage it more than I already had. Don't get me wrong - I wanted that man more than anything. However at times, It wasn't just about what I wanted.
He stopped for a quick second, and he waved at me. I waved back at him and gave him a smile. Then off he went.
I quickly imagined if he would have gone to my office and asked me to dinner. Would I love that? Oh my God, it would have been a dream come true. It would have been every single fantasy of mine coming to reality. Mh..no, maybe not every single fantasy. I definitely never dreamed that the day Nigel Gallagher would ask me out would be the day when I dressed like a bum. I really dressed like hell today. What was I thinking? Victoria made fun of me today when I was flabbergasted earlier finding out that Nigel Gallagher was in the building.
"Oh my God, Vic.." I said. "He's here?" I said. "He's here today and Goddamn Frances didn't even let me know he would be coming!" I said.
"Atta girl, Frances." Vic said. "You didn't need to know his schedule." Vic said as she pursed her lips.
"Bullshit! Look what I wear?!" I said. "I mean look at me." I said.
"Yeah. I saw." She said. "I can't believe you're my friend." She said. "I'm embarrassed having you as my friend. I mean I'm embarrassed for you." She said and laughed.
"You can be such a bitch, Vic." I said. "And you're not helping." I said.
"Lighten up, Sabby." Vic said. "You know I was just kidding." She said. "Served you right though for having the gall to show up at work like that."
I was busy trying to fix myself a little bit more in front of the mirror in Vic's studio.
"Well, it's not too bad, right? I kinda have that shabby chic look." I said as I was pulling my sweater.
"Um, no honey." she said. "You don't. Just the shabby look." She added. I smirked and gave her what she deserved for being a smart ass.
She really let me have it. I would spend thousands on food though for the most part I do have an expense account for trying new places. Vic would spend thousands on outfits. I would not do that, not as much as she's able to shell out. We just have different priorities.
Come to think of it - why Nigel even bothers to flirt with me when there's a gorgeous creature like Victoria Perkins nearby. She's single and she won't want commitment. She has never been able to commit again since the days of Julian Dorsey and that was a long time ago. They were together long before my time of knowing Vic. I only caught the tail end of that relationship. Yet, Julian Dorsey is still a legend in Victoria's life. She still is in love with his ghost though at the same time she despises him to no end. Victoria still keeps her runway model body. Those long legs of hers and the perfect mannequin shape she possesses. She's got beautiful perfectly styled modern haircut that never goes out of place, perfectly long gargantuan lashes, perfectly graceful walk as she definitely always tries to give any of her Louboutins' justice. Why not Victoria? Why me?
I have a pale complexion with contrasting dark mane of my mother's. My eyes are also dark like my mothers though not quite that deep and pitch black. My dad's blue eyes perhaps helped adding a little tint of gray in my eyes. I only have short plain hair with some easy layers. I hardly put make up on. My nails are usually never done since I work daily with food. I wear a chef coat most days instead of the latest designer outfits. I eat and I have to work hard to keep my body somewhat in shape. I am definitely not like Xandra who can just eat a big buffet and has never gone up in size and stagnantly stays in size 4.
Watching Xandra eat the brunch at the Ritz Carlton a couple Sunday ago was an epiphany. That girl can put it away like nobody's business and how I envy her. She just can't get fat and that my friend - isn't fair in my book. Vic eats like a bird. She likes food but she doesn't like to eat - if that made sense. I mean she loves to savor food when she eats; but feeding time comes a few and far between. Vic is definitely not my eating friend. She complains every other day that she's light headed. Yeah, honey - that's your blood sugar dropping for not eating! Bobbie on the other hand, she eats and eats too, but she always eat good for you type food. I told her that I would go cave diving with her again if she would go with me trying Paula Deen's food. She said no thanks.
However, Xandra Williams, is my foodie friend and thank God I have at least one ally when it comes to food. Emma likes to eat too; but, she's in the burbs with two kids. At times it took a miracle to get her to come to the city on a week night to dine. Emma is the only one who doesn't have to work for a living; yet, she is busier than any of us. She always corrected us too when we said she's unemployed.
"You girls need to get it right. Just because I don't work in an office like you do anymore, it doesn't mean I'm not working. I hold the oldest profession known to mankind." She said.
"What is that?" Bobbie said naively. Bobbie and her Spanish accent. She's so cute and witty but at the same time she's so naive as she doesn't always get the American colloquial. Her favorite sentence is what is that. Her favorite word is Pardon.
"A mother!" Emma said. "What else, Bobbie?" Emma retorted.
"Oh." Bobbie said. "Mehh...I didn't know that's what you meant." Bobbie grunted.
"Mother is the oldest profession?" Victoria asked. "I thought it was whoring." She said.
"Yeah! Prostitute is the oldest profession!" I added. Bobbie at that point was holding her stomach as she was laughing out loud it hurt.
Emma was red in the face. "Oh Jesus, you all discounted the fact that I work my butt off at home being a mom, and now you're telling me I'm a whore?"
"What??? we never said that." Xandra said. I shook my head.
"Total conjecture." I said. "We just disagreed with you about the oldest profession being a mother." I said.
"Being a mother is not a profession, Em." Vic said. "It's not salaried and you didn't barter your services for money - thus why it isn't a profession profession."
"Being a whore on the other hand, you do get money for service rendered. But we never said you're one." Xandra said. "You're not a whore, Em. You're just a soccer mom. Live with it."
Emma was pouting. "I was just trying to make a point that I work as hard as any of you. Thank you."
"Sure you do." I said. "No dispute on that. But being a mom is not a profession. It's a privilege." She started to smile. "It is, Sab." She said. "I love being a mom."
"So I guess you picked the right job. Not so sure if you would like being a whore." Vic said. "Not dressing like a nun like that anyway, you'd be one poor whore." We started laughing at Emma again.
"Takes one to know one!" Emma said and stuck her tongue.
Now we were all laughing at Vic. Vic retorted back.."I'm not a whore. I never take money for it." She said. "There."
"You should, might as well." Xandra laughed.
"Nuh, if I want to be in that industry, I'd be a madam.." Vic said. Her eyes titled upward and sparkled like she was actually imagining being a madam.
"Hey, if it isn't frown upon, I'd love to be a porn star." I said. "Wouldn't it be cool to just have sex for a living?"
"This conversation is going south quickly." Emma said.
"Mh, me too..I would love to be a porn star too" Bobbie said. "I can do some cool tricks. I can make my movie interesting." Bobbie said. Vic laughed and rolled her eyes.."Why, you're gonna do one when you do a chin up?" Bobbie gave Vic an evil eyes.
"No... but I can definitely do a chin up and go to town.." Bobbie said. I was laughing so hard imagining the crazy thought.
And...the conversation continued. It's always like that with my friends. We could talk about world peace at one minute, the next it would be south of the belly button. It's always about sex, sex, and sex. We women are as bad as the men. Who said only men like sex and only men can be raunchy. Imagine our bunch: an elegant ex model, a sophisticated fashionista, a ballerina, a wasp richy suburban housewife, and me talking about being a madam and porn stars. All of us are college grads too and our dream job was merely to become a porn star. Great. Too bad, it's frown upon with bad outlook but if not, it would really make a kick ass job. Literally.
I told you I'm not a good Catholic. Neither are my friends.
We have been really good friends for quite some time. Some I knew less than ten years but it feels like we have known each other our whole lives.
Amongst the girls I've known Victoria the longest. We have been friends since our European time. We met in Paris at the restaurant where I used to work. Julian was a good good friend of the owner of the restaurant, Philippe. They dined there all the time and hung around a lot. Philippe introduced me to Vic since we're both Americans. We just hit it off right off the bat. Those were happy times for Vic, being absolutely in love with the man of her dreams - the classic relationship between a model and a photographer. Vic was Julian's muse and she's always the object of his work for quite a long time.
I was there for Vic through her difficult break up with Julian. It was a horrible day. It was really really a horrible day. I remember vividly how Vic was so ready to be Mrs. Julian Dorsey. I was there in her bridal suite with her mom, and her sister, Kiki, helping her getting ready. Vic was radiant. She was so beautiful. I actually was envious looking at her. How could God be fair if he could create such a flawless person, and then there's me. She had been preparing for her wedding day for months. She couldn't be more ready. Her beautiful simple Valentino wedding gown was to die for. It suited her so much. You think she would go big and grand.. Nope. Not Victoria. She's already larger than life, she didn't need a big gown for it. It was so flimsy soft and simple, and I thought she was just perfect. What lucky bastard Julian was.
I myself never really liked Julian that much. From the very first time I met him, something didn't feel so right about the guy. I just didn't like the way he looked at me. I also didn't like the way he talked to other girls. Vic didn't seem to care. Perhaps she was used to it since Julian was a photographer who worked with so many different girls - models. Perhaps she was numb and she could tell the difference when it was meaningful conversation or meaningless come on. I couldn't. I just didn't like it. When they were getting married, I was happy for Vic but was also worried for her. Vic idolized Julian. I could understand because Julian though not overly handsome, he was very charismatic. He's got an aura about him that just screamed that he was the shit. He's got that x factor, whatever you wanted to call it. Vic was totally into him and he took her under his wings.
I was happy for Victoria because she was head over heel in love and happy. That spring day in April 1998 was a gorgeous day in Paris. Vic was getting married at La Grande Cascade - such a beautiful venue for a wedding. I remember when I walked into the half circular dining room, my jaw dropped. I could envision a dream wedding for every girl in town. We were laughing as we were getting ready, drinking Krug Grand Cuvee! Oh that was such an awesome champagne! I could drink it all day! That is my weakness - I love champagne. I just love love French Champagne. I was totally buzzed when someone knocked on the door. I opened the door, and it was Julian. He wasn't dressed. He wasn't ready at all. His eyes were bloodshot. His breath stunk like alcohol. He smelled like sex. He was disgusting. I was actually laughing when I saw him as at that point, I was still a little oblivious about what was happening.
"Julian...what are you doing here?!" I said and laughed "Get the hell out of here. It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding!"
"Sabrina..I need to talk to Vicki." Vic hated it when he called her Vicki. In fact, Vic hates being called Vicki to this day!
"She's not ready." I said and laughed..."Come on, Jules...go get...get!! get ready.." I said. "Go away.." I said. He pushed me to the side so hard that I hit the wall. I remember I felt the air was knocked out of me. I just stared blank for a minute. Kiki and Carol, Vic's mom came to my rescue. Vic stood to look at me. She had a smile on her face when she saw Julian and it quickly vanished from her pretty face. We were told to leave and closed the door behind us. When the door was opened again, Julian walked out slowly. He stopped to look at us. He didn't have much to say. He kept on staring at the floor and finally he said, "Je suis désolé." He said it so soft you could barely hear him. Then he left.
When we came in to the room. Vic was sitting in front of the vanity looking at the door. She was so still like a statue. There was no expression in her face. My heart sank and a single tear fell from my eyes. Her mom and sister came to her and gave her a hug and asked her what had happened. I knew what happened and I couldn't stand to see her pain. I walked backward towards the door, and I left. I could hear her screaming in pain as I walked towards the reception area. I remember goose bumps were forming all over my skin. That gorgeous April day all of sudden became so shivering cold.
When I went to the main hall where the wedding would have taken place, Philippe was there telling guests that the wedding was off. When Phillipe saw me, his eyes just went blank. He sighed so hard, and he came to me and hugged me. He started speaking French so fast I couldn't even pick up what he said. I just started crying for Vic. It was heartbreaking.
I didn't see Vic for a couple days after the incident. Carol told me she just wanted to be alone. After I left, Victoria ripped her gown off of her. Her thousands of dollars wedding gown was shredded into pieces. That Krug bottle was shattered on the floor. Carol and Kiki told me after the initial reaction, Vic did not utter a single word until the next day.
When I finally saw her again, she was still a mess. Her face was barely recognizable. Her eyes bulged out and puffed out from crying so much. She did not wanted to talk about it for awhile. However, the gyst of it was Julian wasn't ready to get married. He didn't think that Vic was the one and as time grew closer, the scarier it was for him to get married. Of course he also managed to sleep with other girls the night before their supposed wedding day. He didn't tell Victoria this, but I knew. I could smell it on him. I also pried Philippe to tell me the truth because he was with him the night before the wedding.
I was actually glad that the whole thing happened because I knew Vic wouldn't have had the story book life she thought she would have with Julian. She would have suffered, and she would have gotten a divorce eventually. In a way, it was a blessing in disguise that the wedding never took place. What I regretted was what it did to Vic. I didn't think she's ever fully recovered from it. Because of that traumatic experience, Vic never really lets her guard down anymore. She can never seem to give her heart to anyone else either. Julian has been married twice by now. Vic stays single to this day.
Because of that traumatic experience as well however, I gained a friend for life. I tried to be there for Vic through the hard months after the break up. It was super rough for her. She didn't eat for awhile and lost tons of weight. She was skinny to begin with. She didn't work either. She was taking anti depressant and became a zombie for awhile. She was a mess. Vic said if it wasn't for me talking things through with her, she wouldn't be the person she is today. We spent a lot of time over meals to talk. Of course, I did that on purpose because I loved to eat and I wanted Vic to eat. I was rather successful. That was the only period when I saw Victoria actually ate a lot of food and gained some weight back. We definitely bonded through a lot of foie gras, cornichons, and casoulet. After awhile, she finally lost her skeleton look. However, she really did it on her own. I couldn't really take credits. She lived through all the pains and fallouts that followed that day in April 1998. She was the one that deserved the credits because the gorgeous Victoria Perkins was not just a pretty face. She was a strong woman and she pulled her self back up. She left Paris when I went to Italy. She went back to Washington for awhile to be with her family and then she went to New York and started working again. She didn't stop since.
I have stories about each of my girlfriends. Without them, my life would be empty. I always wanted a sister. I hated my brother when we were growing up and I always longed for a sister. I wanted a sister I can talk to, cry with, dressing up with, and do all those fun girly stuff together. I've never gotten my wish of having a sister of my own; but, I gained four women I called friends who are like sisters to me. I couldn't imagine my world without them.
Vic is polar opposite of me. She's definitely very North if I'm going towards the South. Yet, through our differences and contrasting personalities, there's a magnetic force that pulled us close together. When I have my friends with me, no matter how far South I traveled in life, I knew I would never fall off the edge. Ever.
That - I know for sure to be invariant. That - I know I can always count on.
It's time to go home.
