Chapter 26

When I plopped my behind on the cushy seat of Singapore Airlines' business class, I felt somewhat excited. Finally we would leave US soil and onward to Singapore directly from Newark Airport in New Jersey. It felt like forever just going from Chicago to Newark. That was just the first and the shortest leg of our trip. The actual long haul hasn't even begun yet. Good thing, both Eric and I wanted window seats. In business class, the scheme was one seat by the window, two in the middle, and another seat by the window on the other side. Bye bye, Eric.

When we were at Newark, I turned on my phone and I saw two missed calls from Nigel. He just didn't seem to get it that I didn't really care to talk anymore. I mean - my heart has been very torn. Some part of me really missed him. However, a big part of me felt duped. I just didn't know what to believe. His voice mail just said for me to call him immediately after hearing the message. Yeah, let me show you who's the boss.

I took a drowsy induced antihistamine, and I was gone in la la land. When I woke up, I smelled breakfast being served and Eric Phillips in my sight. I rubbed my eyes..

"Good morning, sunshine."
"Morning." I said. "Why are you not in your seat?" I asked.
"Just walking around, stretching." He said.
"So, go walk around. Why are you watching me sleeping?" I asked.
"I wasn't." He said. "I didn't mean to." He said. "You just looked so peaceful."
"I needed a little peace." I said as I yawned."I usually hate airplanes."
"You have to travel quite a bit with this job. How could you hate flying?"
"I don't hate flying. I hate being in the airplane."
"Isn't that the same thing?"
"No, it's not." I said. He laughed. "You just hate the environment inside and being cooped up  for 15 hours.."
"...Yep, and the smell, and the food." I said as I adjusted my blanket.
Eric nodded.... "I get it. At least you can sleep."
"I took an antihistamine that knocks me out." I said. "You want some so you can sleep?"
"Maybe on the way back. We're almost there." He said. "Wow, Sabrina...for a second there, I felt like you actually care and don't hate me." I rolled my eyes.
"Don't go that far." I said. "I don't hate you. Why you said that? But I'm not heartless either."
"hahaa.." He laughed out loud. "That's one way to convince me that you didn't hate me."
"What?"
"...I don't hate you but I'm not heartless either.." He said mimicking and making fun of me.
"That's the truth." I said.
"So you like me?"
I stared at him cold and I couldn't answer. So, I said.."You know you need to go back to your seat...the cart needs to pass by here. She's coming... the pretty Singapore flight attendant needs to serve me my breakfast, and yours. Look, she's a cutie. Go harass her instead." Eric looked at me as he frowned.
"Mh.... maybe you are heartless after all." He turned around and left.
At that point, I didn't care anymore what Eric thought of me. I just woke up and groggy. If he wanted a better answer, he should have tried me later.

I jumped for joy inside when we finally landed. It was a long trip already. I started to think about Vic and Nigel again however. All of a sudden, that dead weight I have been feeling came back to my chest. I really wanted to forget and try forgive them in this trip. I really didn't know what I would do about Victoria. I knew eventually I would need to forgive her. Or do I?

Eric looked mesmerized looking at the skyline of Singapore in the cab. He was looking around with a smile on his face like a little boy.
"First time here?" I asked.
He nodded "Yep. I've never gone this far South before in Asia. Only to Hong Kong, Tokyo, and Shanghai."
"Well, congratulations and welcome to Singapore." I said.
He turned to see me, and said... "Thanks, Sabrina. It's going to be an exciting trip."
"Shouldn't be." I said. "This is all worthy of a boring audit."
Eric smiled... "You bet."

We checked in to The Marina Bay Sands Resort and the hotel was beautiful I must say. It was huge and it has so much amenities. Eric got excited immediately about the casino. I couldn't get excited about anything. My heart was racing as usual especially since I checked my phone and I found messages from Nigel. I contemplated for a second to listen to them or not. I knew he would just convince me that there was no one else. I decided to just delete them. There was really no reason for him to convince me otherwise since I couldn't be with him no matter what anyway. This way, it would make it so much easier to forget him.

Now that the trip is underway, I actually couldn't really breathe thinking about everything back home. I was so eager to get away but all I could think of was how shitty things have been and how I wish things were different. I tried to stay up as long as possible so I could get adjusted to the local time. I was getting so tired and I felt like crying thinking about Nigel. I couldn't deny that I love him so much and it hurt real bad to see him around the office. It was too hard to have him around and realizing that the man I actually love may not be the guy I thought I knew. For a split second, I decided to be Victoria. She seems to always have the fun, including with Jax. I put on a bikini and I looked at myself in the mirror. I actually looked quite nice. I decided to try the famous infinity pool that was located way up high on the Marina Bay Sands Building. It was on the fifty fifth floor, overlooking the city. I thought perhaps I might meet some interesting gentlemen by the pool to forget some of my sorrows. It would help wake me up too.

The view was breathtaking to say the least. Dipping my sore body in that pool felt so great as well. It immediately made me think how lucky I was to be able to experience such wonder. I didn't even care anymore about making new friends with some lonely guys here. I wasn't really ready and my heart still belongs to someone else whether I like it or not.  I stopped and stared at the Singapore skyline and just really embraced the scenery. I soaked everything in and I thanked my maker.

"It's beyond my comprehension." I heard Eric talking from behind me. I turned around and sure enough it was him. He was also in the pool, and I could see his unclad upper body that was above the water and it made me take a big gulp of air. I quickly recovered.
"Why...are you following me?" I asked.
"Hey, I was here first." He said. "You just had the same idea as me." He said. "Great minds think alike." He added.
I just exhaled and turned around. He parked himself next to me as we both stared at the beautiful view in front of us.
"Made you feel tiny." I said and I smiled to myself.
Eric smiled as he turned to see me. "Yeah. Made me feel happy." He said. I nodded.
"In fact, that was the first smile I saw on your face for days." Eric said. "You actually know how to smile." I got rid of the smile so quick.
"Oh..come on." He said. "You look so beautiful when you smile."
"Don't hit on me." I said. "It won't work."
"I'm not hitting on you, Sabrina. I'm just making observation."
"Just observe the view, don't observe me please."
"Why do you hate me so much?" Eric said. "Because of the audit? Really?" He asked.
"Stop saying I hate you. I don't hate anyone." I said.
"If you don't hate me then you strongly dislike me."
"What makes you think I dislike you?" I asked him.
"Sabrina, I didn't graduate top of my class at Harvard because I'm stupid."
"Oh... that's probably why." I said. "You just can't help to love yourself."
"I love myself?" Eric asked. "You think I'm narcissistic?"
"I don't think. You are narcissistic. I may not graduate top of my class at Harvard, and I could easily tell." Eric laughed.
"I'm a good guy, Sabby." Eric said all of a sudden, real soft. "Give me a chance."
I turned around to see him. "It doesn't matter what I think." I said.
"I am sorry to mess with your trip." Eric said. "I never thought you'd be this put out. I really didn't think you'd be so pent up with disgust."
"Huh?"
"Sorry." He said again. "I didn't think you would."
"What?" I asked... "Me, feeling blue didn't have anything to do with you." I said. "It wasn't because of you joining me in this trip." I said. I felt a little bad when I heard he blamed himself.
"You don't have to be nice now. You showed it pretty clearly and it's fine. I'm used to it."
"See...and you think you're not a narcissist." I said. "This is not about you. I have problems of my own." I said. "I admit, I wasn't so crazy when I heard you were coming along. But I didn't fold my face in four because of you and I'm sorry if you think that."
"You're apologizing?" He asked surprised.
"Unlike men, I have no problem apologizing if I need to." I said. 
"Mh...you're easier to crack than I thought." He said.
"What????" I asked.
He smiled... "You heard me."
"You know, Eric....It's been a long day. I don't have time for your game." I said, curt. He's one antagonizing man!

I swam away from him and left the pool. I wiped myself with towel, and I glared at him, but I saw him and he looked like he was actually captivated by me. I gave him a second glance, and he realized that I noticed, and he looked away. I didn't care so I just strutted and walked away acting all sexy.

I just couldn't understand Eric. I really didn't know why God complicated my day even further with putting him in the mix. I just simply couldn't stand him no matter how beautiful his form is. Maybe I would consider sleeping with Nigel if he promised to fire Eric Phillips. That would be worth me sacrificing my virtues and values.

I was in South East Asian time. Time moved slower it seemed, yet at the same time we were twelve hours ahead Chicago time. Usually I would just be getting up and getting ready to go to work. However, I closed my eyes on the cushy bed, and I said good bye to the cruel world for one night.

Chapter 25

I hate Mondays. I think you know. This Monday in particular was what people called a "Manic Monday." There were just so much to do and so little time. I have been up since 4:00 AM tossing and turning. I still felt the heaviness in my chest thinking about what had happened. I knew it would  take time to get rid of it. In the mean time, it was eating me inside. It was hard to breathe or to close my eyes without thinking about Nigel, Jax, and Victoria. I also thought about Bobbie and Xandra. There would be a lot of things I would need to accomplish before I could get on that plane later.

I finally decided to get off the bed by 6:30 AM and then I went to the gym downstairs and tried to work out some of my angst. I wanted to go for a run by the lake; but it's pretty cold and dark outside. By 8:00 AM, I was out the door.  I got my luggage packed, hauled it downstairs, and got on the cab to go to work.

I called Bobbie from the cab. I was just wondering how she's doing after the break up. She had to be in the same situation as me - a mess. She really loves Sam and I couldn't believe he would break her heart like that. Well, at least he's not cheating on her. He just wasn't ready to talk about having a family and babies. I didn't get Bobbie either though. If she really wanted all that plus more, why would you shack up with a twenty something boy? It was almost a no brainer that he might not be ready for what grown ups would want.

Bobbie always surprised me. She sounded so cheery!
"Good Morning, Sabby!!!"
"Oh..... hello." I said. "You must have had three cups of coffee already."
"No, I haven't." She said. "I haven't had a chance to make coffee yet. I've been busy this morning." She said.
"Okay....well, I'm glad you're feeling fine. I was just calling to check up on you..to see how you're doing."
"I'm fine and happy."
"Oh yeah? How come?"
"Sam came home and apologized last night. I was so happy that he didn't leave. We had an incredible make-up sex last night, ...... and this morning too. He just left for work." She said giddily.
"Oh!" I said in shocked. "In that case, good then." I said. "I have nothing to worry about."
"Dios Mio, if we broke up...I would really miss the sex. He's so good, Sabby and he can last and last and last."
"Oh...okay... enough." I said. "I can get jealous quite quick on that." I said. "Make sure Victoria didn't know about how good he is." I said. I instantly felt bad after saying that. "Sorry, I was being mean."
"Ah...seriously, she better not." Bobbie said. "She can't be so stupid for doing it again to one of us."
"Let's just hope not." I said.
"I love him so much. I wouldn't bring up babies anymore."
"But, sweetie...if that's what you want? You need to be with someone who wants to have babies with you. Don't sacrifice what you want over a man?"
"I'm torn. I've been torn for awhile, you know it." Bobbie said. "But I'm not ready to let him go. Not just yet."
"Well it is up to you, Bob. Your decision."
"Don't call me Bob." She said. "I know what that meant."
"That's when I know when you're head is bobbing." I said and laughed. "You're stubborn as hell, Bob...but, indecisive at the same time."
"I know. He did use a condom this time though and he flushed it down the toilet."
"Okay......?"
"We don't use condoms usually...and he said he just wanted to be safe since I missed my pills. I told him I didn't miss any pills. He could have just thrown the used condoms to the garbage but no...he flushed it. I was offended actually... what? He thought I would fish it out of the garbage and use a turkey baster to inseminate myself?!"
"Oh...and that didn't cause more world war?" I asked in disbelief.
"I started to get mad again...but he seduced me and then, I was just too tired to fight and chose sex instead."
"I don't know what to tell ya, girlfriend. You both have some serious decisions to make. This is not going to last if you didn't get on the same page. That flushing down the toilet act would piss me off so much and not to mention it might plug your plumbing. I will kick his ass." I said, as I started to get pissed.

Bobbie ended up trying to calm me down. It was just in time as the cab was pulling over to drop me off at my building. Sean Talbott was walking in when he saw me. Perfect timing as I needed to talk to him. He smiled and said..."Look it.... It's Sabby in the cabbie." I laughed and then I told him about Xandra's lawsuit. He was game and he was willing to help without giving me any grief at all. Sean always dresses so nicely. I really think he must be gay because he's so damn dapper and so in touch with his feminine side. Too bad, because he's a really sweet guy. All the sweet guys are gay of course. Go figure.

Okay - all the friends were taken care of and now it was time for coffee, then headed to the Monday morning meeting with Jordan. It was hard to see Victoria across the table from me and we didn't talk to each other. She looked tired and sad. I felt I actually looked better than her today. I had on a black legging with ankle boots for easy traveling. I had on a fuchsia cashmere turtle neck inside a black blazer. I put on a wide belt to accentuate my waist. I thought I looked pretty chic. One of Victoria's staff from fashion even gave me a compliment. I couldn't be that shabby Sabby today. Jordan sensed right away there was something off between Vic and me. We both denied it and went about our business. It was really hard for me to look at the picnic pictures of me and Nigel. We actually looked great together.

"I decided to publish the test shoot photos of you and Nigel." Jordan said. "It looked much better than the models." He said as he looked closely at the picture. My coffee almost went down the wrong pipe and I started coughing.
"What??" I said. "That's absurd." I said.
"Yeah..I like it better." Jordan said. "It looked real and believable. You guys actually had better chemistry than the models." Victoria started coughing now. I glared at her.
"I'm sure Nigel wouldn't go for it." I said.
"Let me ask him." Jordan said as he dialed the phone. He called his assistant, Bev and told her to ask Nigel to come to the meeting room if he's free. I was about to die realizing that he was in the building. Oh God...I couldn't face him today. My face was red already thinking about him and Charlotte Reed.

Not long Nigel entered the conference room. He looked so handsome and I couldn't help myself to shudder holding back feelings and amazement dedicated to that man I really loved. The dark brown sweater with a v neck paired with a collared cream colored shirt looked perfect on him. He had such a presence when he entered a room. Everyone looked at him and he scanned the room with such commanding aura. His eyes stopped at me and he smiled ever so manly. I tried to respond to the smile, but I couldn't smile like I was happy to see him. My smile was so awkward and I knew even Victoria noticed it. So did Nigel. His smile changed too almost instantaneously. Good thing Jordan just took over and asked him about the photos.

"These photos are great, Nigel." Jordan. "I want to publish it. I know it's just a test shoot, but if I get your consent, I'd use these instead."
Nigel raised his eye brows and smiled. "Yeah, these are nice."He said as he went through it.
"I agree actually." Tim from Advertising said. "These looked so real." He said.
"What does Sabrina think?" Nigel said without looking at me. Victoria put her eyes on me. I glared at her. She said..
"She looked great in those pictures. I think it was the dress." Vic said. I rolled my eyes.
"I liked them too." I said. "But..the models must have looked better than me, perhaps not better than Nigel." I said. Nigel laughed. "Sabrina, if these pictures were nice, it certainly wasn't because of me." He said and smiled.
"Look at you, honey You're gorgeous...if you have it, flaunt it!" Eric Yee, the stylist said it to me.
I just smiled and scribbled stuff on my note pad. Nigel laughed a little and he looked at me and winced. He had to wonder what was wrong with me. I really wanted to tell him I found out about you being a lying bastard, that's all.
"You have my consent." Nigel said. "It'll be terrific to see myself in Joie for a change." He smiled. "I usually never get to be so lucky."
"It's going to production tomorrow. This is all because of Sabby's work. The food, the setting, and damn..the chemistry between you two are unbelievable. I love it!" Jordan said as he looked at one picture in particular. Nigel snagged that picture from his hand. "I think I'm going to keep this one for myself." He said. He walked towards the door, and he turned around and said.."Anything else?"
"Nope. We're good. Thanks, boss." Jordan said.

I couldn't wait until 2:00 pm when the limo would come to pick Eric and me to go  to O'Hare. I really couldn't believe that I actually couldn't wait for the plane to take off and take me to another world away from all these. I couldn't deal with the ups and downs that my heart has been going through lately. I really would like to see a print out of my Electrocardiogram. I spent some time with my staff in the kitchen and in the studio preparing them for when I would be away.

Around 12:30 PM, Nigel walked in to the kitchen to check me out. Good thing I had people around so he couldn't really be anything but professional.

"Smells good in here." He said.
"Oh hi, Mr. Gallagher." Jenna said and smiled from ear to ear.
"Hello Jenna." He said. "Sabrina."
"Hi." I said curtly. Nigel again looked at me with a puzzled look. But he didn't dwell on it and he continued with a smile.
"What are you cooking that smells so wonderful?"
"Barbecue sauce for the pulled pork sandwich." Jenna said.
"Boy, that made me hungry." He said.
"Oh..too bad it isn't quite ready yet." Jenna said.
"That's okay." Nigel said. "I was going to ask Sabrina to join me for lunch anyway. I want to discuss these pictures that Jordan talked about." I looked up to see him.
"I'm sorry, Nigel. I wouldn't have time today. I'm leaving in an hour to the airport." I said. "I have so much to get done."
"Okay. No worries." he said. "We can discuss it some other time. Can I talk to you for a second though?" He said as he gestured me to go outside the kitchen.
"Of course." I said. "Jenna, I'll be right back. Will you prepare a plate for Mr. Gallagher of what we have prepared other than the pork?" I asked.
"Yes, will do right away."
"Thanks, Jenna." Nigel said.
"I'll send it to your office." Jenna said.

He went in to an empty studio next door. He closed the door and he said to me..
"What's wrong, Sabrina?"
"Nothing's wrong." I said, cold as ice. "How's your wife?"
"She's better. Thanks for asking."
"I'm glad." I said.
"Please don't take me for a fool." He said, changing the subject back to his original path.
"I should have told you the same thing." I said. He frowned.
"I'm not following." He said. "I sent you a text a couple of days ago and you didn't reply. It was not like you." He said.
"I told you we need to stop the communications. I made it clear."
"Okay.." Nigel said. "I told you I was trying."
"Well...try harder." I said as I looked up to meet those beautiful green eyes.
"Darling, please talk to me. I can't do this." He said. "I don't like the way this feels."
"There's nothing to talk about, Nigel." I said. "Look, we definitely can't do this around the office." I said.
"I know. I've just been crazy from missing you." He said as he caressed my face.
"Stop.." I said. I tried to push his hand away but instead he held it. I couldn't deny I love that warmth I felt from his skin.
"Nobody's here." Nigel said.. "Relax." He said.
"We can't do this, and I don't want to do this." I said in a very matter-of-fact tone. "If I have to resign from this company so you get my drift, I will do so." Nigel was taken aback.
"What?" He said. "Just last week you were talking fine over the phone with me on Valentine's Day. I am trying, Sabrina. Don't push me."
"I'm not." I said. "I was trying to make it easy on you." I said. "If it's too hard to have me around here, I can quit."
"I don't want you to quit." He said. "What have you been drinking?"
"Nigel...I'm busy. I am going out of the country." I said. "Just please... "
Nigel looked angry now. He grunted and he said... "Have it your way, Sabrina." He left the studio and left me behind. I was sad as soon as he left. I knew I had made him feel terrible. I didn't get it. When I saw his eyes and when he talked to me, I didn't sense a snake. Those eyes looked genuinely in love with me. His touch and his gazes felt like they belonged to me. I didn't understand and but the fact that there's a Charlotte Reed and he bought her a necklace made him the best actor ever. He should have won an Academy Award for it.

I had perhaps an hour of peace and quiet in my office before Victoria popped her head in acting like she was welcomed. I ignored her and she understood. She told me that she was sorry one more time and she wished me a good trip. Then, the auditors came and asked a couple questions. Then I saw from afar Derek and Nigel were walking together towards the executive wing. I was worried in an instant. How about if he was discussing me threatening to resign or whether he decided to fire me? I got scared all of a sudden. Maybe I needed to do some damage control for letting my emotion got the better of me. Even though I knew it was perhaps the smart thing to do, I couldn't get myself to get up and go to Nigel. I guess qui sera sera. Whatever will be will be.

I had everything packed, and Eric came to get me.

"The limo is here, Sabby. Are you ready?"
"Yes.." I said as I grabbed my business briefcase and purse.
"I'll see you outside." He said. I nodded and smiled.

When I walked out of my office and said good bye to Frances and people around, Nigel was walking towards my office. He said..

"You're ready to go?"
"Yes." I said.
"You're not even going to say good bye?" He asked in front of every one.
"Of course, I will." I said and tried to smile.
"Let me walk you out." He said.
"Bye guys!" I said and smiled.
"Have a great time. Safe travel!" Frances said.
"It is a business trip, Frances." Nigel said. "She's not supposed to have a great time."
"Oh, you know what I mean, Nigel." Frances said.
Nigel just smiled and ushered me as he grabbed my luggage from my hand.
"Thank you." I said.
"My pleasure, love." He said.
I smiled a little. "You really are not trying very hard." We walked into the elevator.
"I decided.." He said.
"What did you decide?" I asked.
"I decided to ignore everything you asked me to do. I have never been that good of a follower. Besides, I'm the boss."
"Oh.." I said. "Is that how it is? I'm sorry, but you're not the boss of me in this matter." I said. "Let me make that clear."
"So you are the boss of me in this matter?" Nigel said. "Have I been demoted?"
"You just don't have jurisdiction over me. Sorry. I'm my own entity." I said. "Whether you like it or not." 
"I am still going to ignore you." He said and smiled.
"Look, I didn't mean to make you mad before." I said. "I just can't do this with you. I don't want to have anything to do with you while you're still married or otherwise."
"Or otherwise?" He said confused. "Sabrina...why are you saying this to me?"
I could only shook my head. I was saved by the elevator door being opened.
Eric came towards us with a smile and shook Nigel's hand.
"Hey Nigel... " He said.
"Take care of her, Eric." Nigel said. "Keep her safe."
"Of course." Eric said and laughed. "Let me get that." He said as he took the luggage from Nigel.
"I can take care of myself." I said.
"She's a feisty one, she will probably keep me safe instead of the other way around." Eric and Nigel both laughed. "Come on, Sabrina...say good bye. We got a jet to catch." Eric said as he walked my luggage to the limo driver.
I turned to Nigel.."Good bye." I said.
"Why did you say otherwise?" Nigel asked. "What do you mean?"
"You don't need me, my love." I said. "Not if you have Charlotte Reed." I said softly in his ear. I kissed his cheek. Then, I said.."Good bye."
He looked at me, and he was about to grab my hand if Eric didn't turn around and walked towards me. Nigel stopped and he said..."Is that what this is about?" He said. "Charlotte Reed?"
"Have a good week!" I said and walked away and entered the car.
Eric raised his hand to Nigel and he also went into the car. Then, we were airport bound.

"Well, Eric...I never thought I would say this..but I can't wait to start this trip with you." I said when I got all comfortable sitting inside this nice stretched limo. He just smiled, that cocky smile I hate but he sure did look hot.
"Right on.." He said.

South East Asia, here we come. Even for a runaway business trip, I'd be heading South. I hope this trip will help me forget and heal some of these pains I felt deep inside of me. I hope some time away would help me let go.

Chapter 24

The weekend was a whirlwind. There was so much going on and jam-packed with emotions. I actually can not wait and wish I could fast forward to Monday morning when I would be packed and ready to go to Singapore. This trip would do me a lot of good to just get away from all these toxic people in my life - two people I really loved betrayed me in one day. Life was great! All of a sudden a trip with Eric Phillips to the other side of the world didn't sound so bad after all. I dreaded this day from happening and today, I couldn't wait to get on that plane and take my Valium and sleep some more.

I woke up Saturday morning quite late. I forgot I was staying over at Emma's and I got quite disoriented as when I opened my eyes, I saw Bobbie's face. Next, I heard Xandra. I guess Emma had told me and they were all here for me.

"Get up." Bobbie said. "It's almost 10." She said as she smiled to me.
"Emma is making breakfast." Xandra said. "We're going for a shoot."
"Ah...I'm not in the mood." I said. Going out taking pictures was the last thing on my mind, though I usually love doing it.
"We're going!" Xandra said. "We're taking a drive to Alpine Valley. We can ski a little and go shoot some pictures."
"No, thanks. I didn't even have my camera with me." I said.
"I picked it up from your house." Bobbie said. "I know where your spare key, remember?" I rolled my eyes annoyed that she misused her privilege.
"If you didn't realize it, I am not feeling so hot right now." I said.
"We know, Sab. Emma told us." Xandra said, concerned.
"Then, leave me alone. I came here to hide. Don't tell me Vic is out there too."
"She's not."
"Did you guys know about Vic and Jax?" Both of them looked me in the eyes and shook their heads.
"Big snow boulder just ran me over." Bobbie said.
"Me too." Xandra said. I started to tear up again. "I want to kill Jax." I said. "How could he... wasn't it enough what he's done already. He had to screw my best friend too. I want to kill both of them."
"I didn't see it coming." Bobbie said dazing. "I didn't feel good myself." She said and she started to tear up herself.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I had a fight with Sam." She said. "He said when I go back home tonight, he'll be gone for good and out the house."
"What?? You guys broke up?" I said.
She nodded. "I brought up babies and he went ballistic on me. He was kissing me at one point, the next thing he was checking if I was taking my pills. Like he suspected I was going to trap him by getting pregnant. So I went loca."
"Oh....shit." Xandra said. Xandra shook her head. "We're definitely going skiing. We all need to cool down."
I don't see Bobbie cry very often. Seeing her crying was a little bit much and it put me over the edge. So I started crying again.
"Tony is suing me for my website's revenue." Xandra said. Now, we all turned to see her. "He said he helped me built it and did many of the programming. He didn't do shit! It was all my idea and he helped because he was my boyfriend, not because he was a business partner."
"Oh my lord." I said.
"He sued me for 200 grand!" Xandra said and teared up too. "That jerk didn't even try to talk to me first about it. He just got me served."
"No..."
"Yeah! I got served the paper yesterday."
"I'll talk to Sean on Monday. He'll help you. You will need a good attorney." I said.
"Who's Sean?"
"Sean Talbott. He works in my office building for Mercer, Phelps, Talbott & Associates. He talks to me almost every morning in the elevator."
"I can't afford it." Xandra said. "He sounds expensive."
"I'm sure he'll help." I said and nodded. "Not to worry. We'll crush Tony's frivolous lawsuit." I said.
Emma walked in to the room and she said... "Breakfast ready.... " then she stopped when he saw all of us in the state of misery.
"Is this what they call misery loves company?" She said.
"Yes." Bobbie said.
"We can't take anymore bad news. Not from you too." Xandra said.
"I have a news...don't know if it's a good news or not.." Emma said. We frowned looking at her. Then with a big smile and excitement she said... "I'm with child!"
"What?!!"

So practically all of us have problems of our own, including Vic. Emma's however was more of a good news except I guess John didn't want another baby. It was an accident. However, Emma was ecstatic about it. She was just a little down that John didn't share her sentiment as much. Bobbie looked sad as well. I'm sure she tried to be happy for Emma but she got that envious empty womb look to her face. Bobbie really wanted a baby and she should have one if she wanted to. She didn't even care about her ballerina figure. I couldn't believe Sam broke up with her because of baby talk.
Men are stupid. Sam couldn't and wouldn't find another beautiful soul like Bobbie in his entire remaining meaningless life. Tony too... What a greedy asshole.

Emma drove us to Alpine Valley and we had fun actually doing a little skiing, sledding, and taking pictures. Emma sat it out for the most part as she was being careful. She was only 8 weeks into her pregnancy, so you couldn't tell that she's expecting. However, she went crazy with the picture taking. All of us love photography. Most of my friends are professional grade photographers and super talented. I'm not really good in taking pictures of landscape and scenery like Bobbie and Xandra. I'm more just into food photography.

Bobbie is a Canon girl and she carries around her big full frame 5D with pride. Xandra and Victoria both are Nikon enthusiasts. Victoria uses the D4 and Xandra uses D2x. Emma and I love Leica. I'm using my rangefinder wonder the Leica M9, and Emma's husband spoiled her with a Leica S2 DSLR. It's totally a waste for a stay at home mom having a twenty grand camera to use for a hobby. However, she took some really great shots of her kids. She's quite an accomplish photographer for sure; but, twenty grand camera?! It's an overkill for anyone not in the photography business! Good thing she lends that camera to Xandra a lot.

When we were lounging in the club house trying to get warm drinking hot chocolate and hot toddies, my ex best friend came walking in. It did feel weird having the four of us without Victoria. However, I wasn't ready to deal with her. Seeing her and talking to her were the last thing I wanted to do. She looked like hell though. For once, the great Victoria Perkins looked like crap.

She took off her big sunglasses, and you could see now that she had been crying, a lot. What? Was it supposed to make me feel sorry for her?

"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"Sabrina.."
"I asked her to come.." Emma said. "We need to resolve this."
"I have nothing to say to her." I said.
Both Bobbie and Xandra were looking at Vic like they didn't know who she was. That's right, at that moment, she felt like a stranger. She was an intruder that crashed our party.
"Sabrina.. just hear me out. I won't stay long." She said.
"I heard you already. There's nothing left to say."
"I screwed up, okay?" She said. "I am so sorry." She said. "I didn't use my better judgement. I swear in the beginning I thought I was just going to break them apart as a revenge for you like I said. I should have left it at that."
"Well you didn't." Bobbie said. Vic glared at Bobbie. Bobbie stared back.
"Am I supposed to take this up with you also, Ro?" Vic said, pissed off.
"You bet! You screw with one of us, you screw with all of us." Xandra said, curtly. I was even a little taken aback since Xandra and Vic are pretty tight, or should I say were?
"Let her speak." Emma said. Something dawned on me now about Vic..
"Mh...no wonder, you went to Morton's for Valentine's Day and you remember about Jax giving me cheap flowers he ordered online." I said musing. "You got Jax's $29.99 special, did you?"
Vic looked at me and she didn't deny it. "Yes."
"So, it wasn't just all fucking, was it?" I asked.
"For me, it was." She said. "That was it."
"Then, why would you go out with him on Valentine's Day?" Emma said, confused.
"I wanted to go out with Eric Phillips. He would rather stay in the office. I had nothing better to do." Vic said. "I didn't want to be alone."
I was crying at that point. "Sabrina, I'm really sorry." Victoria said. "Please tell me what I could do to make things right. I beg of you?"
"Leave?" I asked.
"Sabrina... I admit I'm a bad person. Really bad. I didn't meant to do it to hurt you. I just got sucked into it and before I knew it I am in too deep. I told Jax that you found out and I told him that I couldn't do it anymore. It's over. I really don't have any feelings for him, Sab. Believe me."
"You didn't have feelings for me, either...my friend." I said it to her face.
She broke down and started crying. "I love you, you're my best friend." She said. "I forever will hate myself for doing this to you. But you're not with him anymore either."
"He's still not a fair game." Emma said. "Sorry, and you didn't ask her permission if it was okay."
"I know.. I know.. I screwed up big time."
"What happened to the engagement?" Bobbie said. "Wasn't he engaged to some ugly fat puta?"
"He broke it off." Victoria said.
"Well... mission accomplished." Xandra said sarcastically.
"If you wanted to know, Sabrina... the whole time I was talking to Jax, he talked about you a lot. He regretted hurting you. He just thought you're too good for him and he couldn't live up to you."
"So, he went for you instead?" I asked and laughed. "Cuz you're not too good for him."
"I didn't want anything from him." Victoria said. "He knew I was not as pure as you and my heart wasn't made of gold like yours."
"It didn't stop him from falling in love with you." I said.
"I swear ...good girls always finish last. Girls like you, Vic...just made it so impossible. You treat them like dirt and they fall in love with you." Xandra said and shook her head.
"I was so good to Jax. I loved him with all my heart." I said.
"You were too good to him and for him, honey." Emma said. "He couldn't appreciate it because he didn't have the same to give."
"Don't worry...Sabby, it wasn't your fault." Bobbie said. "It wasn't your fault."
"I swear I will not see him anymore. He meant nothing to me to begin with. I swear I was about to change and turn my life around when you found out. I really am ready to be normal, to have someone to love me for who I am and not just for physical reason. I swear I was about to take lessons from all of you about love and learn to love again. I saw Julian several months ago in New York and it made me crazy. I just didn't want to be alone and Jax just happened to be there. But now, I realized that seeing Julian was supposed to be a sign that I have wasted my life away because of that monster for too many years. I want to be happy too. I want to be loved. I am hurting my friends and I am out of line. I swear Sabby...when I told you about Eric, I really didn't try to make him just one of my victims. I truly thought he's the one. I really want to be with him and be a good girl for once."
"Who's Eric again?" Bobbie asked. We ignored her.
"Good luck, Vic." I said. "Good bye."
"Sabby, please forgive me.." She said. "I can't lose you."
"You should have thought of that before you spread your legs." I said coldly. "Smiling, receiving dirty text of my ex boyfriend's penis in front of me!!" I said angrily. Vic sobbed.
"I know you're angry. I hope in time you forgive me." Vic said. "I'll show you. I'll change. I'm not going to be a man eater or whatever you call me. Those days are gone." She said. "I really am in love with Eric." She said. "I can't explain it but I'll show you that I'll be good to him and be the best woman I can be."
"It doesn't concern me what you do." I said.
"I'm so sorry again. I'm sorry girls." She said to the girls. She then turned around and left.
We all watched her walking away. I wiped my tears. I was huffing from anger. Then, Bobbie broke the ice and the first thing she said wasn't an encouragement for me, but...
"Who's Eric again?"

I checked my phone when I got home the next day. I left the phone at home because I thought Victoria would be calling me like crazy and I had no desire to answer it. I had many missed calls from her and from Frances, my assistant. I also got four missed calls from Jax. Wow, he never called me for the past two years and now four missed calls in two days? I also got a text from Nigel.

"I tried not to call or contact you. But I miss you so much. Have to see you soon."

I deleted his text. What a crock. I didn't even bother to answer. Maybe he had that text saved so he could just send it to the girls he's befriending. I never thought Nigel was the type. He seemed so genuine and respectable. I never ever suspected that he could talk lies and fed me a bunch of things he didn't mean. The worse part was I believed him. I bought his bullshit.

All of a sudden, I heard someone knocked on my door. However, it wasn't from the intercom outside. It must have been one of the neighbors. I opened the door reluctantly. I was in a total shock when I saw the person who stood behind the door. It was Jax. I slammed the door back to close it but he stopped me.

"What do you want?" I asked. "And how did you got in without getting a buzz?"
"I'm a cop, remember?" He said. I smirked.
"You're not welcome here." I said. "Please just turn around and leave."
"Sabrina..I'm sorry." He said. He looked really sincere. "I'm sorry for what I've done to you. I know I hurt you immensely."
"You had no idea." I said. "You're like a gift that keeps on giving, you know, Jax?'
He nodded. "I can't deny that I've been cruel. I never meant it that way." He said. "I really did love you, a lot whether you believe it or not." He said.
"People don't dump people they loved a lot." I said. "Then fucked her best friend when he's engaged to someone else."
He sat down and he held his head.
"Sabrina... you were so good to me. I knew I shouldn't have done what I did. I wanted to be so good to you. I did. I wanted to give you everything you wanted and be the man. But...I felt I always fell short. No matter how hard I tried it just wasn't good enough." He said.
"So, it was my fault?"
"No.... it's not your fault. I just couldn't match your contribution to our relationship. I wanted it too, but I didn't have the means. I kept learning from you, and taking from you, and I just felt like I wasn't good enough and that you deserved better."
"Ah...everything made sense now. You got a good girl that loved you, but instead of trying to be good as well in return, you just dumped me and hurt me because I deserved better. And I deserved to be hurt and humiliated!"
"I failed to see it from your point of view. I was at dark point in my life. You helped me out so much but at the same time, I felt so much pressure to perform and to be at your level. I wasn't at your level. It wasn't because I didn't love you. I loved you with all my heart. You're every man's dream. You're sweet. You're so smart and kind. You're smoking hot. I just didn't have it in me. I felt terrible for a long time."
"That's why you got engaged almost immediately after you dumped me."
"I was just afraid being alone. She happened to be right there and things were easy. She actually looked up to me and thought I was great."
"I thought you were great too." I said. "What did I ask from you?" He shook his head back and forth.
"I didn't believe you." He said. "I thought you said those because you loved me not because you meant it."
"Well, you were wrong."
"It's over anyway with her." Jax said.
"Sure you broke her heart too." I said. "At least she got her heart broken by Victoria Perkins. A girl almost needs to feel honored getting dump because of Vic. You almost can nod in agreement...well.. yeah...I can see my man dumping me for that." I said sarcastically. "While me....you dumped me for her??! Some ugly low life fat chick!" I said.."And let me ask you, Jax. Victoria is not too good for you?? No..? You're at her level? Seriously?"
"Victoria..." Jax scratched his head. He looked up and said.. "She's every man's weakness. You said it yourself."
I nodded and laughed bitterly. "Yeah...that she is." I said.
"Victoria didn't love me." Jax said. "I never felt like I wanted to give her the world like I felt like I had to with you. There was no pressure."
"I have never pressured you."
"It wasn't you. It was me." Jax said.
"Thanks for that special line. After two years...now your explanation was it wasn't you, it was me."
"Sorry... sorry, Sabrina." He said. "But that's the truth. I am sorry you found out this way. If it made you feel any better, Victoria won't see me anymore."
"I feel your pain." I said.
"I deserved that." He said. "Well... I know you hate me and I don't blame you. I just want to say sorry personally for hurting you, over and over again. It wasn't meant to be like this, but it happened. I am deeply sorry."
"Please leave." I said. He nodded.
"I'm sorry, Sabby. I really am." He said. I tried to close the door but he stopped the damn door again. He must have gotten a lot of training and practice in stopping door from being slammed on his face. so I looked at him and he said.."One more thing....how could you recognize it was me?"
I raised my eye brows and I said.. "I know a dick when I see one." as I looked him in the eyes. His eyes were somber when our eyes met, and as soon as that happened, I slammed the door shut so loud on his face. I was successful this time.

Come to think of it, it was actually rather decent of Jax to do that. Most people probably wouldn't bother and just let me wither in misery further. Yes, it was two years too late. However, I actually appreciated that he came and told me that in person. There was good in him I knew. He was someone I considered to marry and raise a family with. I had so much hopes and dreams with him that none became reality. Even though some of his actions in the past made me forget of why we were friends at one point in our lives and in love for awhile, he actually reminded me today that his parents raised him right. For that, I forgave him.

Now back to reality, and I need to finish packing for the trip to South East Asia.

Chapter 23

I couldn't think straight for the rest of the day. My heart was racing like I was having an anxiety attack. I couldn't seem to let my heart to ease up no matter how many deep breaths I took trying to calm myself down. Well, actually I was doing fine in the surface. I went about my business like there was nothing wrong, except for the fact that I could feel my heart acting like a Tasmanian Devil trying to break free from a cage. It was upsetting what I heard about Nigel - not only about the woman, but also about the heart necklace he bought for her. I wanted to call him and ask him but I was so emotional thinking about it that I kept on cancelling my intention to make the call.

I didn't know how many times I typed the text to send him and just ended up erasing the whole thing. I didn't know how many times I reached for the phone, ready to press the call button, and refrained. I didn't feel like it was my place to question whatever it is he's doing. After all, we are not together. After all, I told him he should seek someone who would want to be with him despite his marital status.

Still, my heart was breaking. It felt awful. All I wanted to do was to go home and let out a cry. Gosh, I have cried so much for this man for restraining the love I thought we shared. Turned out, I was just one of many. It must have been my life's destiny to be not so unique that every guy treats me like I'm a dime a dozen. The feeling was beyond terrible. Besides, what did she do to deserve the Tiffany's heart diamond necklace? Oh, she had to put out. Okay, I conceded.

Yet, the whole day afterward, all I heard was Victoria moaning and groaning about Eric Phillips.

"I think I am falling in love with him, Sab."
"What?!!" I said curtly. "You can't be falling in love with that jerk." I said. "No..no..no." I added.
"I think I am though." She said. "I can't stop thinking about him."
"How is it possible, you - falling in love? You don't fall in love." I said.
"I know!" She said and smiled. "Maybe, this is it.." She said. "Finally, I met someone worthy of my love."
"Puuhhhleaase." I said and rolled my eyes.
"Why did you hate him so much?"
"I don't hate him." I said. "I just dislike him, a lot." I said.
"That's synonymous with hate."
"Not necessarily."I said. "Enough of this bullshit, Vic. Go to work!" I said.
"I can't." Vic said daydreaming. "He's playing hard to get too... it drives me crazy." Vic said. "I thought he would be a challenge, but not like this."
"Why, cuz he has lunch meeting now he's a challenge?"
"Guys don't turn down lunch with me, let's put it that way." Vic said.
"Oh..pardon moi." I said sarcastically.
"He's really beautiful. I didn't know why I never realized it till now. I mean, I always know he's gorgeous, but I guess I'm a late comer."
"Apparently." I said. "Do you want to go to Singapore on my stead?" I asked.
"I wish I could!" She said.
"He won't let it happen." I said. "His sole reason to go to Singapore with me is to fry me."
"Oh..stop it." Vic said. "He's not mean like that."
"I'm serious. I think he has a plan to hang me."
"No..I don't think so." Vic said in a serious tone. "I didn't sense an animosity towards you from him. You seem to hate him more for whatever reason."
"I don't hate him."
"Yes, you do." Vic said. "Be supportive, please?? Could you try playing matchmaking when you're in Singapore? Sell me a bit?"
"Why, Vic... are you really asking for my help to nail a guy?" I asked with a big grin of disbelief.
She exhaled... "Uh...yes...Oh, I can't stop thinking about his smile. Now I know why you're all crazy about Nigel."
"Don't say his name." I said.
"How come?"
"I'm trying to forget and not nurturing any feelings for him. I'm listening to all y'all's advice."
"It's about time." Vic said. I gave her a fake smile.
"Yep. You are all correct. I was wrong." I said and nodded.
"I hope I can go out with Eric before he goes to Singapore with you." Vic said, totally changing the subject. "I can't ask again today. It has to wait till tomorrow."
"Well..probably. Give him a little space." I said.
"But time is running out. He has to be awesome in bed... I can just imagine." Vic said daydreaming. "His lips are so sensuous... I just.. it's been a long time since I'm lusting over a man like this!"
"And, it's Eric on top of everything else. Out of the blue. The guy has been working here for years and now you decided that you're in love with him?"
"Well, what about you and Nigel??"
"Ah... good point." I said as I shut myself up.

Vic's phone beeped. She got a text. She checked it and smiled and she looked up trying to continue her ranting about Eric.

"You've been doing that a lot." I said as I observed her every move closely.
"What?"
"Getting a text and then smiling conspicuously. You did that at Table Fifty-two and several other times." I said.
"Ah..just stupid guys." She said and laughed.
"Xandra said you got dirty pictures sent to you..thus why you were smiling."
"Sometimes." She said.
"Let me see." I said, as I tried to grab her phone. She actually defended my move really hard so that I couldn't grab her phone.
"No!" She said abruptly. I laughed and tried again.
"Come on... let me see.. I haven't seen a penis for a long time!" I kept on trying to grab it playing around with her.
"Noooo.... Sabrina..come on!" Vic snapped at me. It woke me up. It reminded me of Peter when he was cheating on me. All of a sudden, I got the flashback of when he fought me so hard not to look at his phone. I instinctively grabbed it from her. She looked like she panicked instead of getting mad.

I took two step behind and I saw the text she got from "HotPD" and I laughed when I saw the picture loading and it was the bottom half of a naked man's body.

"Sabrina..give it back." Vic said. "That's invasion of privacy." Vic said.
The picture loaded and I now could clearly see it. Boy, that crooked penis looked awfully familiar. I didn't know too many penises and I remember those I knew.

"Victoria?" I asked as I looked at her, confused and dumbfounded. Vic looked like she's just seen a ghost, pale white.
"Sabrina....I.."
"This is Jax's penis, isn't it?" I asked.
"Sab... "
"Is it??!!" I yelled.
"What do you want me to say??" Vic said as she realized she was totally caught.
"I can't believe you!" I said, still in disbelief. My world felt like it was going to collapse one more time. Out of any guys, Vic chose to have a romp in the sac with my ex boyfriend, who broke my heart royally? I felt so betrayed I couldn't believe it.

I just stood there like I lost my wits. I did. I lost it.

"Sabrina... hear me out... " Vic said. "It was just a fling. It meant nothing."
"That's supposed to make me feel better, Vic?" I asked. "You're my friend.... there's boundaries.." I said. "You know how he hurt me." I said.
"And that's why.." Vic said begging... She had tears rolling down her cheeks. My eyes were wet too. It was just too much to swallow today. It was definitely too much for one girl to swallow.
"Sabrina...Sabrina..please listen... I ran into him one night at Sushi Samba..and he said hi to me. I thought you said he was engaged and I just tried to flirt with him as a way to get back at him and his fiancee for you." Vic said.
"Uhh.." I grunted in disbelief. "What am I supposed to say? Thank  you?"
"No..no... it was how it started." Vic said. "I just wanted to hurt them for you."
"I have never asked you to." I said.
"I know." Vic said. "It was just supposed to be an unplanned revenge...but I was drunk and he was drunk, one thing led to another and before we knew it.."
"Stop." I said my tears just kept on falling. "I don't wanna hear it."
"Please Sabrina..." Vic said. "I'm so sorry... I never meant it to happen."
"Was it just that one time?" I asked.
Vic shook her head. "He became a little obsessed with the sex with me." I looked the other way holding back tears. "How could you say that you never meant it to happen if it happened again, and perhaps again?? You are supposed to be my friend."
"I am.."
"When did you plan to tell me?" I asked.
She didn't say a word. She just kept on sobbing.
"Now, you're even talking about nailing Eric? I don't like Eric, but I wouldn't let him be just another of your victims, Victoria." I said. "You're awful." I said.
"Sabrina... I'm sorry." She said loud as I was walking away.

I went to my office to grab my stuff and I left the office. I didn't care that it was only 3:30 in the afternoon. I tried to clean up my tears as much as possible, but Eric saw me walking out. He came  to me..

"Where are you going, Sabrina?" He stopped me. He saw my face and his expression changed. "Are you okay?" He actually asked like he was concerned about me.
"No, I am not." I said. "I'm going home." I said.
"Are you okay to drive?"
"I'll take a cab." I said. "I don't drive today." I said.
"Let me take you home." Eric said.
"No." I said. "Thank you, but no."

I thought I would cry the whole ride home. However, my tears did not fall anymore. Instead, what I felt what just the stinging pain in my chest. When I got home, I packed my bag and I drove to Emma's. I knew Victoria would try to find me at home later. I didn't want to deal with her and her bullshit lies. I was still in awe of what she actually could do. She was supposed to be my best friend and she slept with the last man I thought I was going to marry. Going to Emma's house and getting a Xanax from Dr. John Brent would be the ideal scenario right now.

I  told Emma everything. She hugged me and she started crying for me. I started crying too and I just felt so much hatred towards Victoria. I know she could get any guy she wants and she had to go for the guy that dumped me. That had to make her feel great. Then, she said it she did it for me.

"She said she did it for me, Em." I said as I wiped my tears. "She slept with Jax for me."
"Oh honey.." Emma said. She was in shock herself. Emma looked weary and she actually felt my pain. You know at times even when you talked to a friend, when it didn't really happen to them, no matter how much they tried to empathize, you could tell that it didn't affect them like it affected you. I couldn't say the same thing about Emma. Emma looked hurt. Emma hugged me and we cried together.

"How could I trust her with my husband?" Emma said.
"She doesn't do married man she said." I said.
"Well, fucking your best friend's ex is also a no no, and she crossed that line."
"Emma..." I said "Your kids may hear you." I said.
"Well, what other words can I use?" Emma asked.
"I'm just glad you didn't know." I said. "If all of you knew about her and Jax but me. I'd hate all of you." I said.
"Now you know how I felt when I was the only one who didn't know about Nigel."
"Earlier in the day I heard he was seeing someone else in New York and buying her a Tiffany diamond necklace."
"What???"
"It's been a hell of a day." I said. "That became so tiny now after what Victoria pulled." I said.
"Were you really seeing him?"
"No.." I said. "We had encounters...not sexual. We kissed but we never had anything between us."
"You kissed??"
"Yes... " I said. "That's why I felt awful already when I heard he actually has someone else. He told me he loved me. I told him I couldn't be with him when he's still married." my tears fell again.
She hugged me. "Oh Sabby, I pray and pray for you to be happy. You so deserve it. Out of anyone, you so deserve it."

I lost it. I just cried and cried until I was exhausted. Little Laurel came for her mommy and she got dismissed by her mommy so quickly and she started crying too. Everybody just cried, cried, cried.
When John got home around 7:30, he brought with him some good anxiety medicine and whatever it was he gave me, it knocked me out and I slept and forgot about all my sorrow. I didn't even know what direction I was. Everything just spun.

Chapter 22

It felt like forever for this week to end. Finally, Friday has arrived and I felt exhaustion set in. The audit has really taken its toll on me. All those prying into my department's business didn't sit well with me especially since I didn't know why or how I won the audit lottery. It just didn't seem all that fair to me. However, like Nigel said, they must have their own reason and it better be a good one!

I still thought about that night Nigel and I spent together. I still thought about our last conversation on Valentine's Day. The flowers have started to wilt but they still smelled great. I had to make every moment I had with Nigel last as long as they could. I couldn't replenish them with new special moments every day. Realizing what we have decided to do, it was a sure bet that there won't be any more special moments.

I still played our last conversation in my head and how it ended.

"I'm falling asleep, Nigel." I said.
"It's an hour later here, Sabby and I am still fresh."
"You drank too much hospital coffee. I'm stuffed with Next El Bulli food. Oh... I wish you could have tasted that foie gras flan..." I said deliriously.
"Was it that good?"
"So...so..good." I said. "mh... it reminded me of why I wanted to be a cook in the first place. I haven't made food like that in a long time. I suck, Nigel. I lost who I really am. I lost my passion. I'm just so consumed with the minutia of politics at work and being in love with a guy I can't have. I am not born for this. I'm born to cook."
Nigel didn't say a word.
"Nigel?" I realized I said the wrong thing.
"I never wanted to hold you back, Sabrina."
"Don't mind me.." I said, regretting what I said. "I am no longer liable for my action. I'm definitely not coherent anymore. Sorry... I didn't mean to make you feel bad."
"You are born to cook, there's no doubt about it. But you're also meant for me."
"I am." I said. "I am meant for you. It's just..there's a mishap in the assignment." I said and laughed. "hahaha...a big mishap! Gargantuan...huge..colossal..." I continued rambling as I yawned.
"I got it." Nigel said and chuckled a little.
"But you know what..people also said whatever it's happening in the present it's what's meant to be. I guess, you meant to be with Marcy and you meant to do this with me. Sure everything has its purpose. We just may not know why until it's too late."
"So why wait till it's too late?"
"Because, we didn't set the time. We didn't know when it's too late until it is."
"Well, that's dumb." Nigel said. "The dumbest thing you said thus far."
"It's true."
"I don't care if it's true. We don't have to succumb to the mainstream."
"Huh...easy for you to say. If people found out about you and me... they'll all hate me, not you. Oh no..not Nigel. They will feel so sorry for Marcy too because the bitch Sabrina dared to sleep with her cheating husband. Oh, even all my friends have already started to hate me because of you."
"You're exaggerating. Your friends do not hate you. And no, the whole world will not hate you. I really wish for once you would just stop caring about what others think. Care about yourself and do what you want to do."
"I would if I see a positive outcome. There's no positive outcome for us. So what if I bent the rule and sleep with you? You still wouldn't be mine. Nope. Nope. Nope. You may get other girls to fall for your beautiful smiley green eyes and this ultra charming romantic crap you pulled...but not me. Not me, Nigel. Nope. Uh Uh."
"Must you reject me every time we talk, love?" He said so calmly.
"Don't call me love." I said.
"I call you whatever I want... and I agree you need to go to bed."
"Don't call me, okay?" I asked as I closed my eyes.
"I won't."
"Good night."
"Good night, my love."
"Don't!" I said.
He just laughed and said..."Sweet dreams, Sabrina. Good bye."

I laughed thinking how silly I was. I could have not been all that coherent; but, whatever I said made sense in my head. It is even making sense now when I'm not deliriously tired. Sleeping with Nigel just would make things worse. It wouldn't change anything between us. I didn't go all this way so I could be a pimple on the side. I have worked too hard to prove to the world that I am worth it - whatever that means. Peter, my ex husband, would have a field day if he ever found out that I became my boss' mistress. Oh, I would rather die than getting the humiliation. I could see Peter degrading me to no end. Why should I care about what Peter thinks of me? I don't know, but I still care no matter what anybody would say to me otherwise. I want to show Peter how stupid he was for cheating and leaving me behind.

Nigel kept his words about not calling. He hasn't called me again since then and how I have been missing him. I knew what I said about not wanting to keep in touch; yet, deep down my heart and soul are aching to hear from him. Do women say things they really don't mean? I know I did. Though I said I didn't want him to call, I sure as hell wished that he would try to anyway. Oh, the game!

"Knock..knock." I heard somebody said those words. It woke me up from my daydreams about Nigel.
I startled a bit but I didn't want to show the fact that I was daydreaming. It was Eric Phillips.
"I do have a door. You can actually really knock on it." I said. "Are you waiting for me to say 'who's there'?" I asked.
"Okay..." Eric said and laughed a little, exasperated. He looked down to the ground and when he looked up he said.. "Boo."
I looked at him like I couldn't believe he actually wanted to play knock knock.
"Boo who?" I said...
"Boo who I'm auditing you and I have more questions." Eric said.
I just realized what he had made me say and I couldn't believe I fell into his trap. That was quite witty on his part. I smiled a tad admitting my lost.
"Charming." I said. He laughed, totally enjoying himself. He looked dapper as usual. He had on a nice tapered charcoal suit with purple shirt that had his monogram stitched on the cuffs. His tie matched perfectly and impeccably put together. He's one dashing man. His eyes were so sharp and they watch you fiercely like an eagle. Everything about his face showed a strong character - sharp jaw line and very chiseled. If you didn't know, you would think he would be quite ruthless and rough despite the fact that he's beyond handsome. However, when he laughed just now, enjoying himself for successfully getting me to do a knock knock joke, his whole face transformed into something that could even be considered warm and endearing. That's when you tell yourself - don't get fooled!

Eric bowed to me asking for an applaud for his performance. I just rolled my eyes.
"Come on, Sabrina." He said. "That was actually quite amusing."
"For you, perhaps." I said.
"As well as you." He said. "Let it out a little." He said. "I know this audit has not been that bad."
"Oh no. It's peachy." I said and smiled.
"See... I knew it." He said.
"I was being facetious." I said. He nodded.
"Yeah, I knew that too." He said. "I also knew you didn't mean it. There's always truth to every joke." He said.
"Uh.." I exhaled. "What else do you need to know? How come your consultant doesn't come here and ask himself?"
"Because I want to talk to you directly." He said.
"Why?"
"Why not?" He asked.
"Mh... I'm sure you're a busy guy."
"Not for you, Sabrina." I threw him a made out fake smile.
"Oh, are you going to audit Victoria next? I think she'll be happy to work with you closely on it." I said, trying to help Vic a little to nail this asshole.
"Actually no." He said. "We won't be auditing Fashion."
My jaw dropped to the floor. It pissed me off beyond belief.
"Why the hell not?" I asked. "Sure they spend so much more money than us."
He shrugged his shoulders. "We are not going to. I don't know what to tell you." Eric smiled a little.
"That's so unfair. You said, every department will be audited."
"Eventually. It's just not going to be Fashion's turn next."
"So who's turn is it?"
"Can't say." He said with a smug smile. Ohhh! I hate him.
"Eric... you know what. What do you need from me now? You said you have more questions."
"Yes... I was going to touch base with you about next week's trip."
"What about it? You can't go?" I asked.
"I'm looking forward to it. I got my ticket and arrangement all squared away. I had Beverly worked with Frances to get everything mirrored to your itinerary exactly."
"Oh..goodie." I said and smiled. Inside, I wanted to kill the son of a bitch.
"I didn't think we're going to Cambodia as well, however." He said. "That was news to me. That's my question."
"Oh yeah. We just added that two days ago."
"Things changed quick." Eric said.
"I don't like to stay idle." I said and smiled. "We're on that neck of the woods. I thought we should go there too. One of my staff gave me a proposal the other day about the emerging tourism and the great new cafes there. They mix up the traditional food with french cuisine due to the heritage. It's fascinating." I said. "It will actually save the company some money if we would just take extra two days and cover Cambodia too. We're  only going to explore one city in particular, Siem Reap. It will be quick and easy."
Eric nodded. "Is it close to Angkor?"
"Ah...Eric, this is not a travel trip." I smiled. "We're going to explore food. No food in temples. Sorry."
"That's not what I asked."
"I'm sticking to my answer." I said. "I have to go see Derek." I said. "Is there anything else?"
"I walk with you." He said.

As we passed Fashion Department to go to the Executive wing, the lovely Victoria Perkins happened to be standing by the hallway talking to her staff. She looked like a million bucks like always. She had on a red suit top with a black trim along the collar, and a black pencil skirt up to her calves. The outfit accentuated her willowy figure ever so nicely. I even stopped for a moment to admire what I saw in front of me. Victoria is the picture of perfection in the form of a woman. Then, I looked at myself and comparing what I was wearing. I had legging and boots on with an over-sized sweater covering any curve that I might have. Oh well. It was silly of me comparing myself to Victoria.

I paid attention to Eric just to see his reaction to Victoria. He was actually still talking to me chit chatting of things I didn't even hear since I was giving my attention to Victoria and to see how they would react to each other. Victoria beamed when she saw Eric. She walked gracefully towards us while Eric still was filling my ears with gibberish.

"Eric...hello." Victoria said ever so graceful. She didn't even acknowledge that I was here.
"Oh, hi Victoria." Eric said. "So what do you think, Sabrina?"As he turned his attention back to me.
I looked at Eric with a deer in headlight look since I didn't even know what he said to me before.
"Sounds good." I said. "I think Victoria is talking to you." I said as I pointed to Vic. Eric shifted his eyes to her.
"Pardon me." Eric said. "What can I help you with?"
Victoria smiled as she tapped Eric by the arm. "I was wondering...what are you doing for lunch?" Vic said and smiled. I rolled my eyes knowing where that was going. So I said..
"I gotta go." I said and walked away. She wasn't kidding about wanting to get Eric to succumb to her charm. However I overheard Eric said..
"Ah, I have a lunch meeting with our Bank. Sorry... I have to take a rain check."

Wow. That would make Vic mad! Turned out, Eric has proven to be not so easy to nail! He's going to make Victoria work hard! I started giggling like crazy knowing that it would be fun to watch.

When I got to Derek's office, my heart started to race a little bit. Derek is a fair man but he's so intimidating. Plus, he's really the principal of this whole company. Derek has 51 percent share while Nigel has 49%. Technically, Derek has the voting right to overturn anything Nigel decides. Jordan's assistant, Beverly, who also assist Derek and Nigel when they're in town showed me in.

"Sabrina..." Derek called my name.
"Hello Derek." I said. He came to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"Hello hello" He said and smiled. He's always rather nice to me.  "How are you holding up with Easter issue and the audit simultaneously?" He asked.
"I'm still breathing." I said. "I guess I manage."
"I haven't had time to chat about the audit." He said. "Hopefully Eric covered it with you.
"Oh yes. He did a good job on that." I said and nodded, being sarcastic.
"I sensed sarcasm." Derek said a little.
"Maybe a tiny bit." I said and laughed. "He's like a rottweiler, Derek." I said.
"Well, I need a rottweiler, Sabrina... to get the job done."
"He's getting it done." I said. Damn, I was nervous because I never knew what Derek really intended. He could be easy going and nice and then boom! He meant business.
"I got the preliminary findings here." He said going through some of the paperwork.
My heart just raced like a Formula 1 car.
"Okay.." I said. He perused through some of the paperwork without saying anything.
"You got mostly three stars on your rating."
"Is that good?"I asked.
"Damn good." Derek said. "I thought you said Eric covered it with you? He didn't talk about the star rating?"
"I must have missed it." I said. "Sorry. Well, as long as it is good."
"Well, there's room for improvement. You didn't get 3 stars for everything." Derek said.
"What is the area where I need to improve?"
Derek went through some of the paper again and kept on reading. "Procurement Process and Disposal."
"Uh..Derek, we procure only what's needed, and these perishable items..." I started to retort. Derek raised his hand up.
"We'll go through it in details with the auditors and Eric." Derek said. "I'm hungry, Sabrina. Will you make me something delicious to eat?" That was his reason to call me in. Not the audit. Lunch!!
I looked at him, surprised. It wasn't the first time Derek asked for us to prepare lunch. I dutifully nodded. "Of course. Anything in particular?"
"Surprise me." He said as he was busy fiddling with more paper. He pressed the intercom button on the phone. Beverly answered.

"Yes, Mr. Stearns."
"Get Nigel on the line."
"He is out to lunch right now with Ms. Reed." I felt a jolt inside. Who is Ms. Reed?
"Again?" Derek asked. What?? Again?
"Yes, sir." Bev said.

I signaled to Derek that I would be going and start preparing his lunch. He waved me out. When I passed Bev's desk, I couldn't help myself and had to ask her..

"Who's Ms. Reed?"
"Charlotte Reed..." Bev said with big eyes. She's such a gossiper. "Nigel has been having lunch with her quite often."
"Who is she though?" I asked.
"He didn't exactly put her on his calendar. Who knows!" Bev said... "But I wouldn't blame him though,... poor guy. It's only about time when he's going to break down and get on with his life!" Bev said with sparkles in her eyes.
"If she's not on his calendar, how did you know about it?"
"Rachel, the girl in New York office... she knew. He just asked her to walk to Tiffany to purchase this heart shaped necklace with diamond! What a lucky girl! Blue box, Sabrina!...Diamond even..." My heart sank when I heard it.
"For her?" I asked.
"For who else?"
"Derek didn't seem disturbed." I said, confused realizing Derek's reaction about Nigel seeing another girl that's not his wife.
"Ah... those guys.. sure they have girls everywhere. This is not something taboo for the rich and famous. Just don't ask don't tell!" Bev said. "Seriously, a guy like Nigel..? Do you know how many women will snag an opportunity to be with him and do whatever he damn well pleases??"
"I have to  go make Derek's lunch." I said and walked away.
"Oh Sabrina! I love your boots!!" Bev said.
"Thanks." I said as I kept on walking without turning back.

I felt sick when I heard it. Have I been so naive this whole time?

I went to the kitchen and snatched foods to cook for Derek. I needed to cook to think about what I just heard. Could it be really true what Bev said? Nigel professed his love to me like crazy. Then, it dawned on me. Who did I think I am? I mean, comparing myself to Victoria - if she was Aphrodite, I would have been the cook to Zeus. Then, here I am believing that Nigel Gallagher could be in love with me. All of a sudden, I felt so stupid. I have had my fair share of feeling inferior, not pretty, not glamorous, not skinny enough, not fashionable enough - but stupid? I wasn't ready to add that to my not so list.

I am well aware I told him I couldn't do this with him and he needed to find somebody that could. He might have found that person. I shouldn't be feeling this devastated knowing exactly what I have asked them to do. Yet, only several days ago he told me he loved me. Yet, it sounded like he has been seeing this Charlotte Reed for awhile. It's so confusing. It's up and down. It comes and goes. Even if he did move on, I just wasn't ready. No matter if I said we needed to go West, my heart was still pointing at the direction of where Nigel resides.

Be careful what you wished for.

Chapter 21

What do I like the most in the whole wide world? Hands down the answer would be, bacon. What do I hate the most in the whole wide world? Brussel Sprouts? Well, that would be the second thing I hate the most in the whole wide world. The first one would be waiting.

There was still no response from Nigel. How hard would that be for him to just write a quick reply to a  text? I could be acting all needy and text him again and again. But, please... would I do such thing? I wouldn't, of course. I was too proud and had too much control to give Nigel the satisfaction. I would just keep quiet and let myself go psychotic on my own without him ever knowing how he made me feel. We'll see how long I could last.

Things could never be simple. Things could never be as easy as it sounded. This tug of war in my heart would age me by ten years I had a feeling. On a rather positive note, Xandra called me at around 4:30 in the afternoon with a news...

"I got us two tickets for Next" Next is a restaurant in Chicago with a very unique concept. The creators, Grant Achatz and Nick Kokonas wanted to explore world cuisine and they do a themed menu for a period amount of time, then it would change to a different cuisine the next time. You have to buy tickets to dine and they're not cheap. Thus why, I was so surprised with what Xandra just told me.
"What?" I asked. "For when?"
"For tonight."
"Seriously???" I asked surprised. "If I'm not mistaken, they're doing El Bulli menu..." El Bulli was the number one restaurant in the world at one time by the great Ferran Adria. They were the pioneer of what's known now as molecular gastronomy.
"Yep." Xandra said. "Are you stoked or what??"
"Oh My God!" I said.. "I just couldn't believe it. How did you get the tickets on such short notice?"
"I got it last week, and I used your name." Xandra said and laughed.
"It worked?"
"Like a charm."
"On Valentine's Day? Really?"
"I got it! They were sold out but I talked to the restaurant. Then, so and so knew so and so who knew so and so that had tickets."
"Sweeet, Xandra!" I shrieked. "That would make my day." I said. "I would owe you so much money..." I said and laughed.
"My treat." She said. "You took me to enough restaurants for free."
"It could be at least $500 per person!"
"Yeah, you're worth it."
"Hahaha... wow, Xandra.. You amazed me. How about if I said I had a plan tonight?"
"Ah, I knew you didn't" Xandra said. "You're my date tonight, Sabby."
"Just the two of us?"
"Uh..yeah.... Bobbie has a show to do. Emma and John sure have their own thing going on. Vic...uh...I don't know, but she has a date."
"She does? She was just telling me she wants to go after Eric Phillips."
"Eric? Oh! the CFO who's auditing you?"
"Yeah! She was appalled that he didn't seem to be interested in her."
"When did she say this? She couldn't score the date already...though who am I kidding. This is Victoria we're talking about."
"She just said it earlier today. She didn't say who her date was for tonight?"
"Nope. I was going to ask but for what I thought. It's not like we would get to know the flavor of the day anyway. Waste of my time to be asking her about it."
"Though I thought she has been a little secretive lately about who she's seeing." I said. "She's always texting someone, and then she had this smile on her face. When I asked, she would pretend that she didn't understand what I was asking about and there was nothing."
"I know." Xandra said. "I thought it was just me who noticed. Knowing her, sure it was just something pure dirty. Sexting like a sixteen year old kid in high school. Sure it was just a guy sending her picture of his penis."
"Gross." I said. "Men do that?"
"You never got a penis text before?"
"I haven't exactly dated for awhile, Xandra." I said. "But actually I have gotten a penis text . Jax did that once." I started to smile thinking about Jax's crooked penis on my phone. I erased that thought quickly from my mind. Last thing I needed to do was thinking about an ex boyfriend's penis.
"Well, you're not missing much." Xandra said. "I think the penis texts I saw were not mine either. They're all Vic's."
"Thank goodness she didn't share with me." I started laughing hysterically.

I was super stoked about dinner. It actually helped easing the anxiety I have been feeling all day about hearing from Nigel. And yes, he still hasn't responded. He must have thought sending me flowers should be enough to appease me. Why bother to send me flowers at all. Grr...

Vic and I walked out together leaving the office. She looked exceptionally beautiful with her skin tight lavender colored dress and a pair of darker purple colored Manolo Blahnik shoes. She actually looked a little demure and regal compared to her usual look. She usually is always so bold about her choice in colors. However, she kept it feminine tonight although she wouldn't go with pink.

"Looking lovely, Vic.." I said and smiled. "Don't tell me you scored a date with Eric already."
"Not yet." Vic said and smiled. "I asked him to see what he was up to however. I was wondering if he is seeing someone. He told me it would be a really late night at the office."Vic said as she put on a nicely tailored wool coat on.
"Oh... there you go. Then you will have an easier challenge." I said and laughed.
Vic just smirked. "I don't care if he has someone. As long as he's not married. That's when I draw the line."
"Is that a jab at me?" I asked. "Thanks a lot!" I said.
"You didn't fuck him, right?" Vic said and smiled. "So then, no...it wasn't a jab directed at you."
"Victoria!" I said and shook my head back and forth.
"Just asking." She said. "But Eric said he's not much into Valentine's Day. He said he didn't have an affinity for it." I frowned when I heard that. Those were my words.
"Interesting." I said. "So where are you going tonight?"
"Oh... just to Morton's." She said a little sheepishly.
"Oh... wow.." I said. "Keeping it mainstream...I like that." I said. Victoria, even though she's not a food snob, she would snub the notion that someone would take her to a chain restaurant. I personally like Morton's despite the chain status and that they were popping up everywhere. Victoria, surprisingly complied to go there. I could assure you it would have never been her idea. She didn't like my comment however though she knew I was so right.
"You're such a food snob, Sab." She said. "It's just food. I could care less."
"I won't contradict you on that. I was born a food snob." I said and laughed. "Enjoy! Their Shrimp Alexanders are the bomb! Warm onion bread...? Mhmhmhm....carb!"
Vic was ready to kill me at that point. The chump of the day must have been a plain modest Joe. He wouldn't last too long. I used to go with guys whom I just had feelings for. I didn't care if they were rich, poor, college grad or not. I usually would just give people a chance. Victoria had several conditions however. The man has to be either really hot, really educated, really rich, or really powerful. Thank goodness the man doesn't have to possess all four qualities - one would do. My bet was the guy tonight would be really hot. Come to think of all those qualities, Eric Phillips definitely fits the bill for Victoria.

While Victoria gravitates towards guys in those categories - those people who live up there instead of down here with the rest of the population; I tend to stay away from those men. I may have not segregated myself from those people when I picked a mate in the past. Nigel for sure fits in that Brahman category too of the upper echelon of society. Yet, I usually get so intimidated with guys like that. Nigel was the first one that really didn't scare me a whole lot. However, I think it was because he wasn't really available. I think it was because I knew deep down he would never be mine.

I always believe guys with all those qualities are scary. My ex husband, Peter, wasn't that guy when I met him. He was just a post-graduate student trying to make ends meet. I do admit that he was smart, handsome, and had all kinds of potentials. After we were married, he mutated into the good looking educated successful and powerful guy that I never dreamed to be with. After all, I was just a cook at a restaurant at the time. I always came home smelling like food and sweat. I would get zit every other day from working in a hot greasy kitchen while he put on an expensive Italian suit to go to work. Then, my biggest fear happened. He didn't want me and found himself in the arm of another woman he thought more suitable for his super power stature. A mere cook just wouldn't cut it.

Since then, the thought of dating a man who thinks he has it all, scares me. It wasn't something I am striving for to find in a life partner. I am looking for a regular average guy that will love me and treat me right. That's all. What I have been experiencing; however, to find just one regular average guy to love has even proven tough. I'm not sure if it was just me - whether I sabotage myself from finding happiness. I always seem to give my heart to people who aren't available whether physically or emotionally. When I met Jax, he was fresh from a divorce. Even though he was available physically, he was so involved with a messy divorce with his ex wife that he was so consumed with it. He wasn't really available yet emotionally to be with me. I wanted a stable relationship while he was just wanting a rebound and experience life as a single guy for the first time in years. He broke up with me so he could feel free to explore what was out there. Not long after though, when I was still nursing my broken heart for losing him, I heard he got engaged. I couldn't believe it. How stupid could he be I thought to myself. However, it wasn't my life to worry about. I walked away from it knowing that I could thank God that I wasn't going to be the mistake he was about to make.

My mom and dad called me while I was on the way to the restaurant. It was fun to talk to them and they were telling me Marcus was taking them out to eat to meet his new girlfriend. I was shocked! Marcus, my crazy womanizer brother, was introducing his latest squeeze to the parents. Wow! Maybe he has changed and found "the woman." I never thought that day would ever happen.

Dinner with Xandra at Next was absolutely amazing. A lot of people probably thought we were a lesbian couple; yet, it was okay with me. Though I was still rather perturbed thinking about the fact Nigel hasn't yet replied throughout the whole meal, he couldn't ruin the delight I felt when I put the foie gras custard in my mouth. Oh joy! That was food in its finest! They also served a tortilla de patatas and it made the fritata I made for Nigel tasted like dog food. I exaggerated; but, I could only concede that the tortilla de patatas I had at Next was way superior compared to mine.

After twenty-nine courses and five hours later, we were ready to just go home and call it a night. I was so stuffed. Xandra felt fine as usual. I didn't know how she could put all those foods away in her tiny frame. She even did the wine pairing, which I politely declined. I couldn't be drunk on a Tuesday night.

In the taxi, I realized that I missed Nigel's call. He actually called me back and I didn't pick up. It was really late in New York City. He must have been asleep. I just wanted to hit myself for missing the call I had been waiting all day for.

When I stepped in to my apartment, my phone rang. I almost jumped for joy when I realized it was Nigel trying to face time me.

"Hi..." I said. I didn't want to be so excited but I couldn't get rid the smile from my face. Nigel cracked a huge smile when he saw my face.
"Hi darling.." He said.. "Happy Valentine's Day."
"Happy Valentine's Day, Nigel.." I said...
"Sorry to call so late..but I had two minutes before Valentine's Day is over to tell you I love you."
I smiled and I just nodded. "Thank you." I said.. "Really...for everything. The flowers...they're just beautiful." I said.
"Just like you. Look how pretty you are tonight...I finally got you your favorite flowers."
"You sure did." I said.
"I did try you earlier...but you didn't call me back. You must have gone out on a date, huh?"
I frowned my brow... "You knew better than to say that." I said.
"I wasn't going to bother you this late.." He said as he scratched his head a little and smiled. "But it drove me insane thinking about what you were doing not calling me back."
"I drove you insane? You didn't call me back all day!" I said. "I waited for your call or text... You haven't called me in over a week."
"Well...I didn't call you because I thought you didn't want me to. You were pretty clear about it."
I nodded with a sad expression. "I know." I said. "I know."
"I didn't call you soon enough today because I was in the hospital all day with Marcy."
"Oh! Is she okay?" I asked. I was genuinely concerned about her well being. Nigel shook his head.
"We're still here. The doctor wants to keep her overnight. She was screaming in pain this morning. I called 911, and rushed her to the hospital. Her blood pressure was through the roof and they thought she might have developed sacs in her colon." Nigel looked weary as he explained. "Long story, Sabby...but she's not well."
"Oh sweetie... I'm so sorry." I said. Nigel smiled to me with a sad tired face.
"Thanks, Sabrina." He said. "Don't worry. I'm used to this. This has been my life for I don't know how long."
"I'll say a prayer for her." I said. Nigel nodded.
"Thank you." Nigel smiled at me... "So you like your flowers?" I nodded and laughed.
"I loved it! They're gorgeous... that had to cost you so much money."
"You deserve only the best..." He said. "Can't even begin to give you any less."
"I felt really guilty that I thought you were ignoring me because you were spending your Valentine with Marcy." Nigel raised his eye brows.
"You're not wrong."
"I know... but it was so hard not to get jealous." I said. "Even though I knew that I have no right to be jealous."
"You need to have a little faith in me, Sabby." Nigel said. "You have nothing to be jealous about. While I, on the other hand....I'm still jealous. Who's the lucky person who got to spend the evening with you?"
"Xandra." I said and smiled. "She was my date. She took me to Next for dinner." I said.
"Next?"
"It's a spin off of Alinea." I said. "It's Grant Achatz's restaurant."
"How many courses were there?"
"Twenty nine." I said.
"Whooaa.."
"I know." I said and laughed... "What did you eat for dinner, Nigel?"
"Are you mocking me? I had a hospital cafeteria hamburger and fries."
"Ohhh...." I said and laughed. Nigel laughed out loud too.
"I wish I were there with you." Nigel said and smiled. I shook my head.
"No.... you were where you should be. Imagine if you were here, and Marcy had to go through what happened today all alone."
"Yeah, I know." He said. "I still can't change your mind, huh?"
"Change my mind on what?" I asked. "I love you. I just can't be with you." I said.
"Just promise me one thing..."
"What's that?" I asked.
"Tell me that you think of me when I'm not there."
"Every second of every hour, Nigel." I said.
"I love you, Sabrina... right or wrong." I cracked a little smile remembering those words that I uttered to Nigel that night we spent together. I wish he knew I feel the same way too. At times, you didn't choose love. Love chooses you.

We talked for hours even though I knew we shouldn't spend that much time together. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have the will to end the conversation. When we finally called it a night, it was close to two in the morning and I was falling asleep. I knew I slept with a smile on face and my jaw got some rest tonight. Valentine's day ended up on a good note though my moral compass needed some calibration again - big time.

Chapter 20

Nigel purposely made a point by not talking to me just to show me his opposing opinion about my decision for keeping it on ice. A week has passed and I didn't hear one single word from him, not a peep. Now he went out of his way to let me know that it's definitely on ice, all right.

I don't know...I don't know. I didn't want to think I was saying everything in words only. I had to mean it. I did mean it. I didn't want to continue seeing him when he's still married. I didn't want to be kissing some other woman's husband. It was bad enough already that I did that. I couldn't possibly continue doing it when I knew it was wrong.

Yet, my heart has been torn apart from missing him. I have missed him so so much. I thought he would let me know when he got back home whether he had arrived safely. However, I have not heard from him at all. It's Valentine's Day today and I woke up this morning feeling like shit knowing how this day would make me feel. Nigel would probably spend the day with Marcy. I could only sigh thinking about that picture I had on my head. Yet, that's how it should be.

I felt my jaw was so tight. I must have been clenching my jaw all night. I rubbed both of my cheeks to ease the discomfort. Then, I remembered how it felt to have both of Nigel's hands on my cheeks as he kissed me. I stood there frozen, thinking how happy I was when he was here two weekends ago. Time has passed, yet I could still picture him here, so vividly. I've tried my damnest to let it go and to forget the time we shared. However, I knew those moments would be with me for the rest of my life. I couldn't stop seeing his face in every place.

I have asked Emma to call Nigel to check on him this weekend after yoga. She wanted to ask me further about Nigel and me but I kept whatever happened that weekend to myself. Doing Bikram Yoga in the weekend with Emma helped me to sleep. It was great to sweat it out and got all the toxins out of my system. I felt like maybe it was great to sweat all my guilt out too. It felt like hell being in that room that was heated to 105 degree Fahrenheit as we practiced yoga for an hour and a half. Once done however, it felt like heaven. You felt like you accomplished something big, surviving an hour and a half of hell.

"Why didn't you call him yourself?"
"I thought you told me that you didn't approve of me talking to him?"
"I don't..but...what happened?"
"Nothing happened. I did what you told me... I told him we shouldn't talk. Now, he's making a point by not talking to me at all. Happy now, Em?"
"If things are different, I'll be the first one to tell you how happy I am for you and Nigel." Emma said. I turned to see Emma and smiled a little.
"I think you two made a cute couple." She said.
"Why really?" I said. "Well, that would never happen anyway."
"If only Marcy would drop dead already." Emma said. "Oh, I couldn't believe I just said that."
I frowned a little.. "Nigel did say you don't care for Marcy."
"I sure don't." Emma said.
"How come? Nigel wouldn't tell me. He said I needed to ask you."
"She had two abortions without telling Nigel." My jaw dropped to the floor.
"Two?" I said. "He didn't know?"
"He knew now."
"And he didn't divorce her?"
"He didn't find out until she got really sick."
"How did you know, Em?"
"She had it done in London. I happened to be there staying with at Nigel's house for a couple of days before going home to Sutton. I overheard her on the phone making the arrangement."
"You then told Nigel?"
She shook her head. "I didn't think it was my place. I went to see Marcy in the hospital when she was really really ill. Nigel told me then and I told him I kinda knew. Then he got so mad at me too. Yet, then he realized why I was not friendly to Marcy for years."
"I wonder why he wouldn't tell me himself.." I was musing thinking about it.
"Sore subject." Emma shrugged her shoulders. "It was hard for him to talk about. He probably didn't want to talk about his dead babies with you."
"I suppose." I said, still a little shocked. "Poor guy." I said. Emma nodded.
"But he seemed to be so in love with her." I said. Emma looked at me...
"To me, he seems to be so in love with you."I looked at Emma's eyes.
"First time we talked in a more personal tone, I sensed that he's very devoted to Marcy."
"Oh, of course he was. Still is I hope. He's a very good husband to her. More than she deserved. Nigel loved Marcy as his wife and for years he was head over heel for her. Was she the perfect match for him? Absolutely not."
"I think he's a beautiful person, Em." I said.
"Yeah, but as long as he still has that ring on his finger, Sab...he's off limit." Emma gave me a look. "I don't like Marcy a whole lot, but she needs her husband."
"You don't have to tell me, Em." I said. "But for the record, he didn't wear his ring anymore."
I stuck my tongue at her and ran the opposite direction before she would hit me.

Emma told me Nigel arrived safely in New York and he was fine. She didn't elaborate about anything else. I thought that was fine as long as he got to New York fine. However, it drove me absolutely insane not hearing from him for over a week now. I kept on staring at my phone hoping for a call or a text. Each time, I was disappointed.

The only thing that has been saving me was preparing for the audit. I kept myself really busy trying to tidy up and button up everything. I have received email straight from Eric with copy to Derek and Nigel that the audit will commence tomorrow. I had hoped for Nigel to reply in the string of emails so that I had an excuse to talk to him. Yet, he did not even make a comment about it at all. Nothing!!!

I have been really getting the taste of my own medicine. It has been extra hard to know that he's ignoring me. I knew it would have been harder if we continued to talk. I really didn't know which one would be better.

When I got to my office however, I found a beautiful bouquet of Gardenias, Calla Lilies, Hydrangeas, and Orchids on my desk. I stopped as I walked in the door to my office when I saw that. Frances was behind me and she excitedly said...

"You got a secret admirer, Sabby!"
I turned to see her... "Secret admirer?"
"I checked...the card just says..'Happy Valentine's Day, Darling'...gosh, sounds so romantic."
My eyes watered instantaneously. I knew it was Nigel. He didn't talk to me since he left town, and then he sent me an ultra beautiful bouquet filled with my favorite flowers. The Gardenia scent permeated throughout my entire office.
"Sab, the scent of the flowers smells like you." Frances said. "When they delivered it, I thought it was you coming." I smiled.
"My perfume is Gardenia... these are Gardenias here." I said as I showed Frances the flowers.
"Ah...made sense. So this guy knows you. Do you have an idea who he is?"
"Not a clue." I said.

After Frances left my office, I closed my door and I sat there staring at the flowers from Nigel. I didn't know what I was feeling inside. I was flabbergasted in the beginning. Then, I was confused and sad. Yet, in the end, I was pretty sure it was happiness. I was really happy getting a sign of life from Nigel, and happy that he thought about me on this supposed day of love.

I contemplated for an hour or so whether to call him or not. I decided then to just go for it and ring him. He didn't answer, however. My heart just got heavy so quick when I heard the recording of his voice on his voice mail greetings. I hung up. I didn't know what to say to him on a recording.

Then, I thought I should send him a text to thank him. So I did.

"Thank you so much for the beautiful flowers. The gardenias smell so nice. Happy Valentine's Day to you, Nigel."

I stared at it hoping for a reply. Nothing. I looked at it to check every five minutes and the phone stayed quiet. I was a little upset thinking about what game he was playing with me. I could stand the coldness. I knew after awhile, coldness would numb me. However, dealing with hot-cold hot-cold, you'll crack in no time. People even get sick when the temperature changes from cold to hot or hot to cold.

I was lost in thoughts when I heard a knock on my door. I looked up and it was the devil himself, Eric Phillips.

"Morning, Sabrina."
"Hello." I said.
"Happy Valentine's Day." He said and smiled. I looked up to him, and I couldn't say that he wasn't handsome. I gave him a slight smile.
"Likewise." I said.
"Just saw the Valentine's spread you had this month. Excellent." He said as he came in and sat on one of the chairs.
"Yeah...thanks." I said and smiled. "I was proud of that. It turned out well despite my lack of affinity for Valentine's Day." I said.
"Not a fan?" He asked and smiled.
I shook my head back and forth as I wrinkled my nose. He stared at me for a little bit, not sure why.
Then he just smiled. Eric Phillips is such a charming man. He probably couldn't understand how come I could dislike him so much.
"I see that you got nice flowers there." He said. "Wow! Those are real nice." He said. I smiled.
"Thanks."
"Boyfriend?" He asked.
"No. It wasn't signed." I said. "I don't know who it's from."
"Uh.." He said. "I think you have a secret admirer."
"Doubt it. Probably just my friends doing practical joke on me."
"That's a nice practical joke though." Eric said.
"Yeah...you're right. So, that couldn't be." He laughed. God, he was actually nice today. Why men are so unpredictable?
"Why are you here? What can I help you with?" I asked.
Eric was a little taken aback with what I said. He said then..."Okay... you're so direct."
"Is there a problem with that?" I asked.
"Nope." He said. "Good here..." he said. "Just want to touch base for tomorrow."
"Come whenever. You can send them in. I'm ready. It is what it is, right?" I asked.
"You're right." He said. "It is what it is."

We talked for a little while longer about the audit. I was a little tense and defensive on my part. I knew it and I was fully aware of it. However, I couldn't change my attitude towards him or the audit. The whole notion pissed me off. As he walked out, Victoria walked in. Eric just gave Vic a nod and he didn't really pay her any attention other than that. Vic, on the other hand, was ogling Eric. I just shook my head watching her behavior towards men. She is a man eater.

"You know, Eric is really hot." Vic said.
"And he knows it." I said. "I don't know what is the fuss about him." I said.
"He's just a sharp looking guy." Vic said said as she's smiling.
"Asshole." I said.
"He's not a bad guy." Vic said. "he's really smart and charming."
"Wait until he comes to tell you he's auditing you. Let's see how charming he is then." I said.
"You know...he's one guy that never makes a pass at me." Vic said thinking...
"Why, Nigel did?"
"No, but that's different. Nigel's married." Vic said. "Which by the way, what is he doing sending you flowers?"
"It's not from him. It's not signed." I said.
"Oh come on.. it has Nigel Gallagher written all over it even if it's not signed."
"What??" I said confused.
"Guys you dated in the past wouldn't spend that kinda money on flowers." I shrugged my shoulders...
"Peter would." I said.
"Peter was your husband." Victoria said. "He better would. I was talking about Jax." Vic said. "Remember last year you got a box of roses he purchased online for $29.99?"
"It was the thought that counts." I said.
"And the penny." Vic said.
"I couldn't believe you remember." I said. "Even I forgot." Victoria made a face that even looked ugly on her pretty face. That was rather peculiar.
Then Vic said to me out of the blue... "I think I'm gonna ask Eric out."
"Ugh.... why would you do such a thing?"
"I'm curious." She said. "I don't understand why he doesn't seem interested."
"It's because he's only interested in himself." I said.
Vic just frowned a little. "Mh....I'm going to work on him. He's  going to find me irresistible."
"Must you conquest every man around?"
"Mh...why not?" Vic said and smiled. "He's not exactly a bad catch."
"He's not a guppy either that you catch and release."
"Hey..who knows... Maybe I just want to catch him."
"Gooood luck with that." I said sarcastically.
 "Nuh... don't need  good luck with men." She said. "Just a vagina."

I was going to ask her about the doctor she took home from Emma's party. Then, I changed my mind realizing that her attention was already shifted to Eric Phillips now. She found a new target and challenge.

Setting everything aside, my mind, heart, soul, and mood were affected by the fact that Nigel has not even responded to my text. It was crazy how he affected me so much in so many different ways. The only thing I hate about having the opposite sex being in my life was these games we always play.

Well, the day was still young then. The sun was still somewhat in the East. I think I was there too in the East rather than South.