Nigel purposely made a point by not talking to me just to show me his opposing opinion about my decision for keeping it on ice. A week has passed and I didn't hear one single word from him, not a peep. Now he went out of his way to let me know that it's definitely on ice, all right.
I don't know...I don't know. I didn't want to think I was saying everything in words only. I had to mean it. I did mean it. I didn't want to continue seeing him when he's still married. I didn't want to be kissing some other woman's husband. It was bad enough already that I did that. I couldn't possibly continue doing it when I knew it was wrong.
Yet, my heart has been torn apart from missing him. I have missed him so so much. I thought he would let me know when he got back home whether he had arrived safely. However, I have not heard from him at all. It's Valentine's Day today and I woke up this morning feeling like shit knowing how this day would make me feel. Nigel would probably spend the day with Marcy. I could only sigh thinking about that picture I had on my head. Yet, that's how it should be.
I felt my jaw was so tight. I must have been clenching my jaw all night. I rubbed both of my cheeks to ease the discomfort. Then, I remembered how it felt to have both of Nigel's hands on my cheeks as he kissed me. I stood there frozen, thinking how happy I was when he was here two weekends ago. Time has passed, yet I could still picture him here, so vividly. I've tried my damnest to let it go and to forget the time we shared. However, I knew those moments would be with me for the rest of my life. I couldn't stop seeing his face in every place.
I have asked Emma to call Nigel to check on him this weekend after yoga. She wanted to ask me further about Nigel and me but I kept whatever happened that weekend to myself. Doing Bikram Yoga in the weekend with Emma helped me to sleep. It was great to sweat it out and got all the toxins out of my system. I felt like maybe it was great to sweat all my guilt out too. It felt like hell being in that room that was heated to 105 degree Fahrenheit as we practiced yoga for an hour and a half. Once done however, it felt like heaven. You felt like you accomplished something big, surviving an hour and a half of hell.
"Why didn't you call him yourself?"
"I thought you told me that you didn't approve of me talking to him?"
"I don't..but...what happened?"
"Nothing happened. I did what you told me... I told him we shouldn't talk. Now, he's making a point by not talking to me at all. Happy now, Em?"
"If things are different, I'll be the first one to tell you how happy I am for you and Nigel." Emma said. I turned to see Emma and smiled a little.
"I think you two made a cute couple." She said.
"Why really?" I said. "Well, that would never happen anyway."
"If only Marcy would drop dead already." Emma said. "Oh, I couldn't believe I just said that."
I frowned a little.. "Nigel did say you don't care for Marcy."
"I sure don't." Emma said.
"How come? Nigel wouldn't tell me. He said I needed to ask you."
"She had two abortions without telling Nigel." My jaw dropped to the floor.
"Two?" I said. "He didn't know?"
"He knew now."
"And he didn't divorce her?"
"He didn't find out until she got really sick."
"How did you know, Em?"
"She had it done in London. I happened to be there staying with at Nigel's house for a couple of days before going home to Sutton. I overheard her on the phone making the arrangement."
"You then told Nigel?"
She shook her head. "I didn't think it was my place. I went to see Marcy in the hospital when she was really really ill. Nigel told me then and I told him I kinda knew. Then he got so mad at me too. Yet, then he realized why I was not friendly to Marcy for years."
"I wonder why he wouldn't tell me himself.." I was musing thinking about it.
"Sore subject." Emma shrugged her shoulders. "It was hard for him to talk about. He probably didn't want to talk about his dead babies with you."
"I suppose." I said, still a little shocked. "Poor guy." I said. Emma nodded.
"But he seemed to be so in love with her." I said. Emma looked at me...
"To me, he seems to be so in love with you."I looked at Emma's eyes.
"First time we talked in a more personal tone, I sensed that he's very devoted to Marcy."
"Oh, of course he was. Still is I hope. He's a very good husband to her. More than she deserved. Nigel loved Marcy as his wife and for years he was head over heel for her. Was she the perfect match for him? Absolutely not."
"I think he's a beautiful person, Em." I said.
"Yeah, but as long as he still has that ring on his finger, Sab...he's off limit." Emma gave me a look. "I don't like Marcy a whole lot, but she needs her husband."
"You don't have to tell me, Em." I said. "But for the record, he didn't wear his ring anymore."
I stuck my tongue at her and ran the opposite direction before she would hit me.
Emma told me Nigel arrived safely in New York and he was fine. She didn't elaborate about anything else. I thought that was fine as long as he got to New York fine. However, it drove me absolutely insane not hearing from him for over a week now. I kept on staring at my phone hoping for a call or a text. Each time, I was disappointed.
The only thing that has been saving me was preparing for the audit. I kept myself really busy trying to tidy up and button up everything. I have received email straight from Eric with copy to Derek and Nigel that the audit will commence tomorrow. I had hoped for Nigel to reply in the string of emails so that I had an excuse to talk to him. Yet, he did not even make a comment about it at all. Nothing!!!
I have been really getting the taste of my own medicine. It has been extra hard to know that he's ignoring me. I knew it would have been harder if we continued to talk. I really didn't know which one would be better.
When I got to my office however, I found a beautiful bouquet of Gardenias, Calla Lilies, Hydrangeas, and Orchids on my desk. I stopped as I walked in the door to my office when I saw that. Frances was behind me and she excitedly said...
"You got a secret admirer, Sabby!"
I turned to see her... "Secret admirer?"
"I checked...the card just says..'Happy Valentine's Day, Darling'...gosh, sounds so romantic."
My eyes watered instantaneously. I knew it was Nigel. He didn't talk to me since he left town, and then he sent me an ultra beautiful bouquet filled with my favorite flowers. The Gardenia scent permeated throughout my entire office.
"Sab, the scent of the flowers smells like you." Frances said. "When they delivered it, I thought it was you coming." I smiled.
"My perfume is Gardenia... these are Gardenias here." I said as I showed Frances the flowers.
"Ah...made sense. So this guy knows you. Do you have an idea who he is?"
"Not a clue." I said.
After Frances left my office, I closed my door and I sat there staring at the flowers from Nigel. I didn't know what I was feeling inside. I was flabbergasted in the beginning. Then, I was confused and sad. Yet, in the end, I was pretty sure it was happiness. I was really happy getting a sign of life from Nigel, and happy that he thought about me on this supposed day of love.
I contemplated for an hour or so whether to call him or not. I decided then to just go for it and ring him. He didn't answer, however. My heart just got heavy so quick when I heard the recording of his voice on his voice mail greetings. I hung up. I didn't know what to say to him on a recording.
Then, I thought I should send him a text to thank him. So I did.
"Thank you so much for the beautiful flowers. The gardenias smell so nice. Happy Valentine's Day to you, Nigel."
I stared at it hoping for a reply. Nothing. I looked at it to check every five minutes and the phone stayed quiet. I was a little upset thinking about what game he was playing with me. I could stand the coldness. I knew after awhile, coldness would numb me. However, dealing with hot-cold hot-cold, you'll crack in no time. People even get sick when the temperature changes from cold to hot or hot to cold.
I was lost in thoughts when I heard a knock on my door. I looked up and it was the devil himself, Eric Phillips.
"Morning, Sabrina."
"Hello." I said.
"Happy Valentine's Day." He said and smiled. I looked up to him, and I couldn't say that he wasn't handsome. I gave him a slight smile.
"Likewise." I said.
"Just saw the Valentine's spread you had this month. Excellent." He said as he came in and sat on one of the chairs.
"Yeah...thanks." I said and smiled. "I was proud of that. It turned out well despite my lack of affinity for Valentine's Day." I said.
"Not a fan?" He asked and smiled.
I shook my head back and forth as I wrinkled my nose. He stared at me for a little bit, not sure why.
Then he just smiled. Eric Phillips is such a charming man. He probably couldn't understand how come I could dislike him so much.
"I see that you got nice flowers there." He said. "Wow! Those are real nice." He said. I smiled.
"Thanks."
"Boyfriend?" He asked.
"No. It wasn't signed." I said. "I don't know who it's from."
"Uh.." He said. "I think you have a secret admirer."
"Doubt it. Probably just my friends doing practical joke on me."
"That's a nice practical joke though." Eric said.
"Yeah...you're right. So, that couldn't be." He laughed. God, he was actually nice today. Why men are so unpredictable?
"Why are you here? What can I help you with?" I asked.
Eric was a little taken aback with what I said. He said then..."Okay... you're so direct."
"Is there a problem with that?" I asked.
"Nope." He said. "Good here..." he said. "Just want to touch base for tomorrow."
"Come whenever. You can send them in. I'm ready. It is what it is, right?" I asked.
"You're right." He said. "It is what it is."
We talked for a little while longer about the audit. I was a little tense and defensive on my part. I knew it and I was fully aware of it. However, I couldn't change my attitude towards him or the audit. The whole notion pissed me off. As he walked out, Victoria walked in. Eric just gave Vic a nod and he didn't really pay her any attention other than that. Vic, on the other hand, was ogling Eric. I just shook my head watching her behavior towards men. She is a man eater.
"You know, Eric is really hot." Vic said.
"And he knows it." I said. "I don't know what is the fuss about him." I said.
"He's just a sharp looking guy." Vic said said as she's smiling.
"Asshole." I said.
"He's not a bad guy." Vic said. "he's really smart and charming."
"Wait until he comes to tell you he's auditing you. Let's see how charming he is then." I said.
"You know...he's one guy that never makes a pass at me." Vic said thinking...
"Why, Nigel did?"
"No, but that's different. Nigel's married." Vic said. "Which by the way, what is he doing sending you flowers?"
"It's not from him. It's not signed." I said.
"Oh come on.. it has Nigel Gallagher written all over it even if it's not signed."
"What??" I said confused.
"Guys you dated in the past wouldn't spend that kinda money on flowers." I shrugged my shoulders...
"Peter would." I said.
"Peter was your husband." Victoria said. "He better would. I was talking about Jax." Vic said. "Remember last year you got a box of roses he purchased online for $29.99?"
"It was the thought that counts." I said.
"And the penny." Vic said.
"I couldn't believe you remember." I said. "Even I forgot." Victoria made a face that even looked ugly on her pretty face. That was rather peculiar.
Then Vic said to me out of the blue... "I think I'm gonna ask Eric out."
"Ugh.... why would you do such a thing?"
"I'm curious." She said. "I don't understand why he doesn't seem interested."
"It's because he's only interested in himself." I said.
Vic just frowned a little. "Mh....I'm going to work on him. He's going to find me irresistible."
"Must you conquest every man around?"
"Mh...why not?" Vic said and smiled. "He's not exactly a bad catch."
"He's not a guppy either that you catch and release."
"Hey..who knows... Maybe I just want to catch him."
"Gooood luck with that." I said sarcastically.
"Nuh... don't need good luck with men." She said. "Just a vagina."
I was going to ask her about the doctor she took home from Emma's party. Then, I changed my mind realizing that her attention was already shifted to Eric Phillips now. She found a new target and challenge.
Setting everything aside, my mind, heart, soul, and mood were affected by the fact that Nigel has not even responded to my text. It was crazy how he affected me so much in so many different ways. The only thing I hate about having the opposite sex being in my life was these games we always play.
Well, the day was still young then. The sun was still somewhat in the East. I think I was there too in the East rather than South.
