It felt like forever for this week to end. Finally, Friday has arrived and I felt exhaustion set in. The audit has really taken its toll on me. All those prying into my department's business didn't sit well with me especially since I didn't know why or how I won the audit lottery. It just didn't seem all that fair to me. However, like Nigel said, they must have their own reason and it better be a good one!
I still thought about that night Nigel and I spent together. I still thought about our last conversation on Valentine's Day. The flowers have started to wilt but they still smelled great. I had to make every moment I had with Nigel last as long as they could. I couldn't replenish them with new special moments every day. Realizing what we have decided to do, it was a sure bet that there won't be any more special moments.
I still played our last conversation in my head and how it ended.
"I'm falling asleep, Nigel." I said.
"It's an hour later here, Sabby and I am still fresh."
"You drank too much hospital coffee. I'm stuffed with Next El Bulli food. Oh... I wish you could have tasted that foie gras flan..." I said deliriously.
"Was it that good?"
"So...so..good." I said. "mh... it reminded me of why I wanted to be a cook in the first place. I haven't made food like that in a long time. I suck, Nigel. I lost who I really am. I lost my passion. I'm just so consumed with the minutia of politics at work and being in love with a guy I can't have. I am not born for this. I'm born to cook."
Nigel didn't say a word.
"Nigel?" I realized I said the wrong thing.
"I never wanted to hold you back, Sabrina."
"Don't mind me.." I said, regretting what I said. "I am no longer liable for my action. I'm definitely not coherent anymore. Sorry... I didn't mean to make you feel bad."
"You are born to cook, there's no doubt about it. But you're also meant for me."
"I am." I said. "I am meant for you. It's just..there's a mishap in the assignment." I said and laughed. "hahaha...a big mishap! Gargantuan...huge..colossal..." I continued rambling as I yawned.
"I got it." Nigel said and chuckled a little.
"But you know what..people also said whatever it's happening in the present it's what's meant to be. I guess, you meant to be with Marcy and you meant to do this with me. Sure everything has its purpose. We just may not know why until it's too late."
"So why wait till it's too late?"
"Because, we didn't set the time. We didn't know when it's too late until it is."
"Well, that's dumb." Nigel said. "The dumbest thing you said thus far."
"It's true."
"I don't care if it's true. We don't have to succumb to the mainstream."
"Huh...easy for you to say. If people found out about you and me... they'll all hate me, not you. Oh no..not Nigel. They will feel so sorry for Marcy too because the bitch Sabrina dared to sleep with her cheating husband. Oh, even all my friends have already started to hate me because of you."
"You're exaggerating. Your friends do not hate you. And no, the whole world will not hate you. I really wish for once you would just stop caring about what others think. Care about yourself and do what you want to do."
"I would if I see a positive outcome. There's no positive outcome for us. So what if I bent the rule and sleep with you? You still wouldn't be mine. Nope. Nope. Nope. You may get other girls to fall for your beautiful smiley green eyes and this ultra charming romantic crap you pulled...but not me. Not me, Nigel. Nope. Uh Uh."
"Must you reject me every time we talk, love?" He said so calmly.
"Don't call me love." I said.
"I call you whatever I want... and I agree you need to go to bed."
"Don't call me, okay?" I asked as I closed my eyes.
"I won't."
"Good night."
"Good night, my love."
"Don't!" I said.
He just laughed and said..."Sweet dreams, Sabrina. Good bye."
I laughed thinking how silly I was. I could have not been all that coherent; but, whatever I said made sense in my head. It is even making sense now when I'm not deliriously tired. Sleeping with Nigel just would make things worse. It wouldn't change anything between us. I didn't go all this way so I could be a pimple on the side. I have worked too hard to prove to the world that I am worth it - whatever that means. Peter, my ex husband, would have a field day if he ever found out that I became my boss' mistress. Oh, I would rather die than getting the humiliation. I could see Peter degrading me to no end. Why should I care about what Peter thinks of me? I don't know, but I still care no matter what anybody would say to me otherwise. I want to show Peter how stupid he was for cheating and leaving me behind.
Nigel kept his words about not calling. He hasn't called me again since then and how I have been missing him. I knew what I said about not wanting to keep in touch; yet, deep down my heart and soul are aching to hear from him. Do women say things they really don't mean? I know I did. Though I said I didn't want him to call, I sure as hell wished that he would try to anyway. Oh, the game!
"Knock..knock." I heard somebody said those words. It woke me up from my daydreams about Nigel.
I startled a bit but I didn't want to show the fact that I was daydreaming. It was Eric Phillips.
"I do have a door. You can actually really knock on it." I said. "Are you waiting for me to say 'who's there'?" I asked.
"Okay..." Eric said and laughed a little, exasperated. He looked down to the ground and when he looked up he said.. "Boo."
I looked at him like I couldn't believe he actually wanted to play knock knock.
"Boo who?" I said...
"Boo who I'm auditing you and I have more questions." Eric said.
I just realized what he had made me say and I couldn't believe I fell into his trap. That was quite witty on his part. I smiled a tad admitting my lost.
"Charming." I said. He laughed, totally enjoying himself. He looked dapper as usual. He had on a nice tapered charcoal suit with purple shirt that had his monogram stitched on the cuffs. His tie matched perfectly and impeccably put together. He's one dashing man. His eyes were so sharp and they watch you fiercely like an eagle. Everything about his face showed a strong character - sharp jaw line and very chiseled. If you didn't know, you would think he would be quite ruthless and rough despite the fact that he's beyond handsome. However, when he laughed just now, enjoying himself for successfully getting me to do a knock knock joke, his whole face transformed into something that could even be considered warm and endearing. That's when you tell yourself - don't get fooled!
Eric bowed to me asking for an applaud for his performance. I just rolled my eyes.
"Come on, Sabrina." He said. "That was actually quite amusing."
"For you, perhaps." I said.
"As well as you." He said. "Let it out a little." He said. "I know this audit has not been that bad."
"Oh no. It's peachy." I said and smiled.
"See... I knew it." He said.
"I was being facetious." I said. He nodded.
"Yeah, I knew that too." He said. "I also knew you didn't mean it. There's always truth to every joke." He said.
"Uh.." I exhaled. "What else do you need to know? How come your consultant doesn't come here and ask himself?"
"Because I want to talk to you directly." He said.
"Why?"
"Why not?" He asked.
"Mh... I'm sure you're a busy guy."
"Not for you, Sabrina." I threw him a made out fake smile.
"Oh, are you going to audit Victoria next? I think she'll be happy to work with you closely on it." I said, trying to help Vic a little to nail this asshole.
"Actually no." He said. "We won't be auditing Fashion."
My jaw dropped to the floor. It pissed me off beyond belief.
"Why the hell not?" I asked. "Sure they spend so much more money than us."
He shrugged his shoulders. "We are not going to. I don't know what to tell you." Eric smiled a little.
"That's so unfair. You said, every department will be audited."
"Eventually. It's just not going to be Fashion's turn next."
"So who's turn is it?"
"Can't say." He said with a smug smile. Ohhh! I hate him.
"Eric... you know what. What do you need from me now? You said you have more questions."
"Yes... I was going to touch base with you about next week's trip."
"What about it? You can't go?" I asked.
"I'm looking forward to it. I got my ticket and arrangement all squared away. I had Beverly worked with Frances to get everything mirrored to your itinerary exactly."
"Oh..goodie." I said and smiled. Inside, I wanted to kill the son of a bitch.
"I didn't think we're going to Cambodia as well, however." He said. "That was news to me. That's my question."
"Oh yeah. We just added that two days ago."
"Things changed quick." Eric said.
"I don't like to stay idle." I said and smiled. "We're on that neck of the woods. I thought we should go there too. One of my staff gave me a proposal the other day about the emerging tourism and the great new cafes there. They mix up the traditional food with french cuisine due to the heritage. It's fascinating." I said. "It will actually save the company some money if we would just take extra two days and cover Cambodia too. We're only going to explore one city in particular, Siem Reap. It will be quick and easy."
Eric nodded. "Is it close to Angkor?"
"Ah...Eric, this is not a travel trip." I smiled. "We're going to explore food. No food in temples. Sorry."
"That's not what I asked."
"I'm sticking to my answer." I said. "I have to go see Derek." I said. "Is there anything else?"
"I walk with you." He said.
As we passed Fashion Department to go to the Executive wing, the lovely Victoria Perkins happened to be standing by the hallway talking to her staff. She looked like a million bucks like always. She had on a red suit top with a black trim along the collar, and a black pencil skirt up to her calves. The outfit accentuated her willowy figure ever so nicely. I even stopped for a moment to admire what I saw in front of me. Victoria is the picture of perfection in the form of a woman. Then, I looked at myself and comparing what I was wearing. I had legging and boots on with an over-sized sweater covering any curve that I might have. Oh well. It was silly of me comparing myself to Victoria.
I paid attention to Eric just to see his reaction to Victoria. He was actually still talking to me chit chatting of things I didn't even hear since I was giving my attention to Victoria and to see how they would react to each other. Victoria beamed when she saw Eric. She walked gracefully towards us while Eric still was filling my ears with gibberish.
"Eric...hello." Victoria said ever so graceful. She didn't even acknowledge that I was here.
"Oh, hi Victoria." Eric said. "So what do you think, Sabrina?"As he turned his attention back to me.
I looked at Eric with a deer in headlight look since I didn't even know what he said to me before.
"Sounds good." I said. "I think Victoria is talking to you." I said as I pointed to Vic. Eric shifted his eyes to her.
"Pardon me." Eric said. "What can I help you with?"
Victoria smiled as she tapped Eric by the arm. "I was wondering...what are you doing for lunch?" Vic said and smiled. I rolled my eyes knowing where that was going. So I said..
"I gotta go." I said and walked away. She wasn't kidding about wanting to get Eric to succumb to her charm. However I overheard Eric said..
"Ah, I have a lunch meeting with our Bank. Sorry... I have to take a rain check."
Wow. That would make Vic mad! Turned out, Eric has proven to be not so easy to nail! He's going to make Victoria work hard! I started giggling like crazy knowing that it would be fun to watch.
When I got to Derek's office, my heart started to race a little bit. Derek is a fair man but he's so intimidating. Plus, he's really the principal of this whole company. Derek has 51 percent share while Nigel has 49%. Technically, Derek has the voting right to overturn anything Nigel decides. Jordan's assistant, Beverly, who also assist Derek and Nigel when they're in town showed me in.
"Sabrina..." Derek called my name.
"Hello Derek." I said. He came to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"Hello hello" He said and smiled. He's always rather nice to me. "How are you holding up with Easter issue and the audit simultaneously?" He asked.
"I'm still breathing." I said. "I guess I manage."
"I haven't had time to chat about the audit." He said. "Hopefully Eric covered it with you.
"Oh yes. He did a good job on that." I said and nodded, being sarcastic.
"I sensed sarcasm." Derek said a little.
"Maybe a tiny bit." I said and laughed. "He's like a rottweiler, Derek." I said.
"Well, I need a rottweiler, Sabrina... to get the job done."
"He's getting it done." I said. Damn, I was nervous because I never knew what Derek really intended. He could be easy going and nice and then boom! He meant business.
"I got the preliminary findings here." He said going through some of the paperwork.
My heart just raced like a Formula 1 car.
"Okay.." I said. He perused through some of the paperwork without saying anything.
"You got mostly three stars on your rating."
"Is that good?"I asked.
"Damn good." Derek said. "I thought you said Eric covered it with you? He didn't talk about the star rating?"
"I must have missed it." I said. "Sorry. Well, as long as it is good."
"Well, there's room for improvement. You didn't get 3 stars for everything." Derek said.
"What is the area where I need to improve?"
Derek went through some of the paper again and kept on reading. "Procurement Process and Disposal."
"Uh..Derek, we procure only what's needed, and these perishable items..." I started to retort. Derek raised his hand up.
"We'll go through it in details with the auditors and Eric." Derek said. "I'm hungry, Sabrina. Will you make me something delicious to eat?" That was his reason to call me in. Not the audit. Lunch!!
I looked at him, surprised. It wasn't the first time Derek asked for us to prepare lunch. I dutifully nodded. "Of course. Anything in particular?"
"Surprise me." He said as he was busy fiddling with more paper. He pressed the intercom button on the phone. Beverly answered.
"Yes, Mr. Stearns."
"Get Nigel on the line."
"He is out to lunch right now with Ms. Reed." I felt a jolt inside. Who is Ms. Reed?
"Again?" Derek asked. What?? Again?
"Yes, sir." Bev said.
I signaled to Derek that I would be going and start preparing his lunch. He waved me out. When I passed Bev's desk, I couldn't help myself and had to ask her..
"Who's Ms. Reed?"
"Charlotte Reed..." Bev said with big eyes. She's such a gossiper. "Nigel has been having lunch with her quite often."
"Who is she though?" I asked.
"He didn't exactly put her on his calendar. Who knows!" Bev said... "But I wouldn't blame him though,... poor guy. It's only about time when he's going to break down and get on with his life!" Bev said with sparkles in her eyes.
"If she's not on his calendar, how did you know about it?"
"Rachel, the girl in New York office... she knew. He just asked her to walk to Tiffany to purchase this heart shaped necklace with diamond! What a lucky girl! Blue box, Sabrina!...Diamond even..." My heart sank when I heard it.
"For her?" I asked.
"For who else?"
"Derek didn't seem disturbed." I said, confused realizing Derek's reaction about Nigel seeing another girl that's not his wife.
"Ah... those guys.. sure they have girls everywhere. This is not something taboo for the rich and famous. Just don't ask don't tell!" Bev said. "Seriously, a guy like Nigel..? Do you know how many women will snag an opportunity to be with him and do whatever he damn well pleases??"
"I have to go make Derek's lunch." I said and walked away.
"Oh Sabrina! I love your boots!!" Bev said.
"Thanks." I said as I kept on walking without turning back.
I felt sick when I heard it. Have I been so naive this whole time?
I went to the kitchen and snatched foods to cook for Derek. I needed to cook to think about what I just heard. Could it be really true what Bev said? Nigel professed his love to me like crazy. Then, it dawned on me. Who did I think I am? I mean, comparing myself to Victoria - if she was Aphrodite, I would have been the cook to Zeus. Then, here I am believing that Nigel Gallagher could be in love with me. All of a sudden, I felt so stupid. I have had my fair share of feeling inferior, not pretty, not glamorous, not skinny enough, not fashionable enough - but stupid? I wasn't ready to add that to my not so list.
I am well aware I told him I couldn't do this with him and he needed to find somebody that could. He might have found that person. I shouldn't be feeling this devastated knowing exactly what I have asked them to do. Yet, only several days ago he told me he loved me. Yet, it sounded like he has been seeing this Charlotte Reed for awhile. It's so confusing. It's up and down. It comes and goes. Even if he did move on, I just wasn't ready. No matter if I said we needed to go West, my heart was still pointing at the direction of where Nigel resides.
Be careful what you wished for.
